A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“One day you will be dead and you won’t be able to play on your phone so…” (2/23)
“Coffee doesn’t ask me stupid questions in the morning. Be more like coffee” (2/23)
“It’s Friday. Walk in. Fuck shit up. Walk out” (2/23)
“I wonder who farts in the packets of ham before sealing them up?” (2/23)
“I just heard someone refer to Texas as ‘Howdy Arabia’ and I still haven’t stopped laughing” (2/22)
More new entries...

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"1. Bel canto, 2. Can belto, 3. Can't belto, 4. Can't canto" (four stages of a soprano's life)

"10 out of 10 doctors agree with whoever is paying them"

"10 out of 10 scientists agree with whoever funded them"

"10 out of 10 scientists agree with whoever is paying them"

"$100 is basically an adult dollar"

"100 years ago everyone had horses and only the rich had cars"

"10:00am - anything is possible. 2:00pm - but not today"

"101 lemmings walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"11:00am - anything is possible. 2:00pm - but not today"

"13: I'm the worst number. 666: That's cute. 2020: Hold my beer"

1312 (ACAB; All Cops Are Bastards)

"15 years ago the internet was an escape from the real world"

1904 Sandwich

"1920: Alcohol is prohibited 2020: Liquor stores are an essential business"

"1920: Alcohol is prohibited 2020: Marijuana stores are an essential business"

1920s Non-Horseracing "Big Apple" Citations

1920s Vaudeville/Ragtime "Big Apple" Citations

1925-1929: "Big Apple" in The Inter-State Tattler

1928: "On the Big Apple" column

1931: "Around The Big Apple" column

1963: John J. Fitz Gerald obituaries

"1984 is a great book. All kids should be forced to read it"

"1984 is not an instruction manual"

19th Hole (Nineteenth Hole)

2-3 (Austin's 78723 zip code)

2 Dow Shay (two show day)

"2 stages of my life: I should eat & I shouldn't have eaten that much"

"2-step verification implies the existence of cha cha verification"

"2 teach is 2 touch a life 4 ever"

"2 ways to stay healthy: Drink plenty of water and mind your business"

"$20 is like an adult dollar"

"20 years from now kids are going to realize their quarantine haircuts were done by dad's..."

"2000-2009 were the glory years for New Year's Eve party glasses"

2005: Statement from a co-worker of Charles Gillett

Witness (2006): Joe Zito

"2019: Avoid negative people. 2020: Avoid positive people. 2021: Avoid people"

"2019: live, laugh, love. 2020: lather, rinse, repeat"

"2020 has shown me you don't need fun to have alcohol"

"2020 is still better than my first marriage"

"2020: The year health experts told you to avoid the gym"

"2020: The year your wheelie bin goes out more than you"

"$2.1 million worth of textbooks were stolen the other day. All eight books were recovered"

"22/7 is Pi day. 14/3 is American Pi day"

"24 hours from vine to brine" (pickling adage)

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." (Newman Day)

"25% of a pool is P"

3-6-3 Rule

3-and-B (basketball player providing 3-point shooting and blocks)

3-and-D (basketball player providing 3-point shooting and defense)

"3 generations ago, organic food was just called 'food'"

"3 places you can stay for free: out my business, out my way and out my face"

"3 things to keep private: your love life, your income and your next move"

"30 days hath September..." (January and February joke)

3:05 Cafecito (from 305, the Miami area code)

305 Day (from 305, the Miami area code)

311 (non-emergency call)

"3.14% of sailors are pi rates"

"3.14159265 walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

330 Ramp Capital

"4 bases, 3 strikes, 2 teams, 1 winner"

"4 Norse gods, 1 Roman god, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"4 Norse gods, 1 Roman god, and 2 astronomical bodies walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"4 out of 3 people struggle with math"

40 Acres (University of Texas at Austin)

"40 is the new 30, but try telling that to a speed camera"

"Forty minutes of hell" (college basketball saying)

"404: Democracy not found"

"404: Freedom not found"

"4:04 Sleep Not Found"

"4:20 could also be called high noon"

"4/20: National Pot Smokers Day 4/21: National Surprise Drug Test Day"

"42nd Street" (1933)

"4am is the time of day you’re either awake very late or very early"

"4am is when it changes from very late to very early"

"5 out of 4 people struggle with math"

"50% of home ownership is hearing noises and hoping you have ghosts because you can't afford..."

5000 or M5 (dance move)

"50K don't get you to first base in the Big Apple" (Wall Street film, 1987)

"50K don't get you to first base in the Big Apple" (Wall Street film, 1987)

"53rd and 3rd" (1976)

"57 channels and nothing on" (television saying)

5GFlu (5G + flu)

"5Q + 5Q = ?"/ "10Q."/ "You're welcome."

5th Avenue (candy bar)

"6 was afraid of 7 because 7, 8, 9, but why did 7 eat 9?" (joke)

"7/11 is a part-time job"

"7 Up is a poor man's Sprite"

"7 Up -- the poor man's Sprite and the rich man's Sierra Mist"

"72 hours later, you're hungry again" (joke about eating deli food)

"78704 -- More than just a ZIP code" ("78704 -- Actually, it's just a ZIP code")

"8 Days a Week" (Black's Barbecue in Lockhart)

"80% of arguments happen because someone hasn't eaten yet"

"80% of arguments start because someone hasn't eaten yet"

"80% of success is drinking enough coffee"

"80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn't read"

"85% of the Internet considers themselves an introvert and they are all outspoken about it"

"86" (not from Chumley's or Empire State Building)

"87% of gym members don’t even know their gym is closed"

"9/11 jokes aren't funny. But the other 2 are"

"9/11 jokes aren't funny. They're just plane wrong"

9-11 (One Day's Pay: National Day of Voluntary Service, Charity, Compassion)

"9/11 was an inside job"

"90% of the regrets in my life involve alcohol and the 'send' button"

911 (emergency call)

"9/11 jokes always fall flat"

"95% of electric vehicles are still on the road. The remaining 5% made it all the way home"

98 Nicknames

"99 little bugs in the code" (programming joke)

"99% of my personality is just coffee and I'm OK with that"

"99.9% of people are idiots. Fortunately I belong to the 1% of intelligent people"

"A 20 Hz sine wave walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A $300 bat won't fix your 50 cent swing" (baseball adage)

"A 350 credit score prevents identity theft"

"As a kid, did you ever knock on people's doors and run away before they could answer?" (joke)

"A baby can drink a bottle, fall asleep and people say it's cute. If I do it. I'm an alcoholic"

"A baby seal walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A backward poet writes inverse"

"A backyard barbecue draws two things ... flies and relatives"

"A bacon a day keeps the vegans away"

"A bad day of fishing is better than a good day of work"

"A bad day with coffee is better than a good day without it"

"A bad football team is like an old bra -- no cups and very little support"

"A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer, for even longer"

"A bad plan is better than no plan" (chess adage)

"A bad play saved by a bad performance" (Broadway saying)

"A bad putt is better than a bad chip" (golf adage)

"A bad settlement is better than a good trial"

"A bad stock trader is called an 'Oxo moron'"

"A bagel is just a boring donut"

"A bagel is just a boring doughnut"

"A bagel is just a healthy donut"

"A bagel is just a healthy doughnut"

"A bagel is just a savory donut"

"A bagel is just a savory doughnut"

"A bagel is just a savoury donut"

"A bagel is just a savoury doughnut"

"A bagel is just a vehicle for cream cheese"

"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand"

"A banana is just a vegan sausage"

"A banana is just a vegetarian sausage"

"A band has three years to write the first album and three weeks to write the follow-up"

"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it"

"A banker lends you an umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back when it rains"

"A bar goes into a guy..." (bar joke)

"A bar walks into a commutative algebraist" (bar joke)

"A bar walks into a man. Oops! Wrong frame of reference" (bar joke)

"A bar was walked into by the passive voice" (bar joke)

"A bar without gin is like an Italian kitchen without pasta"

"A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist"

"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory"

"A bartender walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A bartender's job is to poison people"

"A baseball walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A bass is a bass is a bass" (fishing adage)

"A bean bag is just a boneless sofa"

"A bear walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A bear walks into a bar in Billings... (bar joke)

"A beaver walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A belt made of dollar bills would be a waist of money"

"A bend in the road is not the end of the road...unless you fail to make the turn"

"A bet against a champion is a bad bet"

"A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two-tired" (pun)

"A bicycle is just an acoustic motorcycle"

"A big shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets"

"A billion here, a billion there, and pretty soon you're talking real money"

"A bird's nest on the ground" (East Texas saying)

"A bishop, a priest and a rabbit walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A bishop walks straight into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A black hole walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A black man, a Jew, and an Asian walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A black man voting Republican is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders"

"A black speck on your TV screen isn't too irritating until you're trying to watch a hockey game"

"A blackberry is a goth raspberry"

"A blank piece of paper is God's way of telling us how hard it is to be God"

"A blind man walks into a bar and says, 'Wanna hear a blonde joke?'" (bar joke)

"A blind man walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A blind man walks into a shop with his seeing-eye dog..." (joke)

"A blind person was eating seafood. It didn’t help"

"A blind prisoner walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors"

"A block of ice is just a loaf of water"

"A bloop hit looks like a line drive in the box score" (baseball adage)

"A blowfly goes into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A blue trip slip for an 8 cent fare..." (horse-car poetry)

"A boat is a hole in the water into which you pour money"

"A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat"

"A book dies every time you watch a reality TV show"

"A book just fell on my head. I only have my shelf to blame"

"A book walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A boomerang is basically a single-player frisbee"

"A boomerang walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A boss is like a diaper -- always on your ass and full of shit"

"A bowling alley is a pretty bad place to serve finger foods"

"A bowling alley is a pretty bad place to serve finger foods"

"A boy who couldn't see, hear, smell, feel or taste punched me in the face yesterday" (joke)

"A bra and a set of jumper leads walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A bra, car battery and some jumper cables walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A bra walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A brain walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A breakfast of champions means something entirely different to a cannibal"

"A brew will see you through"

"A brownie is like an espresso of cake"

"A brunch without booze is just a sad, late breakfast"

"A bubble is a bull market in which you don't have a position"

"A bull market is like sex. It feels best just before it ends"

"A bunch of my friends are coming over this evening to play on their phones"

"A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds an office that some Republican wants"

"A bureaucrat is a politician with tenure"

"A burger a day keeps the vegans away"

"A burp is just a fart that took the elevator"

"A burp is nothing more than a smart fart that took the elevator up"

"A bus is like a moving waiting room"

"A business that makes nothing but money is a poor kind of business"

"A business with no sign is a sign of no business"

"A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator"

"A businessman is someone to whom age brings golf instead of wisdom"

"A businessman is someone to whom age brings golf instead of wisdom"

"A busy night at Stonehenge as workers move all the stones back one hour"

"A busy night at Stonehenge as workers move all the stones forward one hour"

"A butcher stands 6 feet tall and wears size 12 shoes -- what does he weigh?" (riddle)

"A BuzzFeed writer walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A BuzzFeed writer walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A cabbage and celery walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A cabbage and celery walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A cable TV installer walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A cactus is a violent cucumber"

"A cactus is just a goth cucumber"

"A cactus is really just an aggressive cucumber"

"A calzone is the socially acceptable way for someone to eat a whole pizza"

"A camel is a horse designed by a committee"

"A campaign for re-election is a referendum on the incumbent"

"A Canadian is an unarmed American with health insurance"

"A cannibal is a person who walks into a restaurant and orders a waiter" (joke)

"A car is useless in New York, essential everywhere else. The same with good manners"

"A cardiology video is totally clips of the heart"

"A careful driver is one who just saw the car ahead of him get a traffic ticket"

"A case of the Mondays" (school/work saying)

"A cashier asked me if I wanted paper or plastic. I said, 'Just put the money in a bag!!'"

"A cat walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A celebrity works hard to be well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized"

"A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness"

"A champion is someone who is willing to be uncomfortable" ("Be comfortable being uncomfortable")

"A champion team will always beat a team of champions"

"A charcuterie board is just a deconstructed pepperoni pizza"

"A cheese grater implies the existence of a cheese lesser"

"A cheese grater makes cheese lesser"

"A cheese omelette is an egg quesadilla"

"A cheese sandwich is just a raw grilled cheese"

"A cheeseburger a day keeps the vegans away"

"A chef is a man with a big enough vocabulary to give the soup a different name every day"

"A chemist walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A chia pet walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A chicken and an egg walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A chicken burrito is just a breakfast burrito that was allowed to grow up"

"A chicken nugget is a meatball"

"A chicken walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes"

"A Chinese restaurant got vandalized. It was an act of wonton destruction"

"A chiropractor is a hip-pop artist"

"A Christmas shopper’s complaint is one of long-standing"

"A classroom is not a restaurant" (joke)

"A clean browsing history is also a dirty one"

"A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer"

"A clean house is a sign of no Internet connection"

"A clean tie attracts the soup of the day"

"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory"

"A clear rejection is always better than a fake promise"

"A clockwork toy walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A closed mouth doesn't get fed"

"A closed mouth gathers no feet"

"A coach who listens to the fans ends up sitting with them"

"A code walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A coffee a day keeps the grumpy away"

"A coffee maker implies the existence of a coffee destroyer"

"A colleague from work has just texted saying he’s caught Covid from his cat. Don’t ask meow"

"A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there"

"A comic says funny things; a comedian says things funny"

"A committee is a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours"

"A committee is a group of the unwilling, chosen from the unfit, to do the unnecessary"

"A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain"

"A committee is twelve people doing the work of one"

"A community bound by books" (BookPeople slogan)

"A compliment is verbal sunshine"

"A compromise is a deal in which two people get what neither of them wanted"

"A computer keyboard is a word piano"

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing"

"A conference is just an admission that you want somebody to join you in your troubles"

"A conscience is like a boat or a car. If you feel you need one, rent it" (J.R. on Dallas tv series)

"A conservative is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run"

"A conservative is a man who worships a dead radical"

"A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now"

"A conservative is someone who makes no changes and consults his grandmother when in doubt"

"A conservative man is a man who just sits and thinks, mostly sits"

"A ‘conspiracy theorist’ is someone who figures out the truth before most people"

"A conspiracy theorist walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A consultant is someone who borrows your watch to tell you the time, and then keeps the watch"

"A consultant is someone who lives out of town"

"A consultant is someone who saves his client almost enough to pay his fee"

"A contortionist in the Philippines would be a Manila folder"

"A cookbook is only as good as its poorest recipe"

"A cookbook is only as good as its worst recipe"

"A cookie a day keeps the sadness away"

"A cop pulled me over and said, 'Papers.' So I said, 'Scissors, I win!' and drove off"

"A corn maze is a maize maze"

"A corn stalk walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A corndog is just a meat lollipop"

"A corndog is just a meat popsicle"

"A corndog is just a meat Twinkie"

"A correction is when you lose money and a bear market is when I lose money"

"A country with a government" ("A government with a country")

"A Covid nurse asked me if I’ve had a sudden loss of taste. I told her I always dress like this"

"A cowboy is a man with guts and a horse"

"A crab walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

A Crappy Test ("ACT" backronym)

"A criminal is a person with predatory instincts without sufficient capital to form a corporation"

"A criminal's best asset is his lie-ability"

"A critic enters the battlefield after the war and shoots the wounded"

"A critic is a man who knows the way but can't drive the car"

"A crow walks into a bar, and he says 'ouch'. It was a crow bar" (bar joke)

"A crow walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A crow walks into a bar. It becomes a crowbar" (bar joke)

"A crowded parking lot means good food" (restaurant adage)

"A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door"

"A cult is a religion with no political power"

"A cup of coffee shared with a friend is happiness tasted and time well spent"

"A cup of coffee won't change the world, but it's a great start"

"A cup of tea solves everything"

"A cupcake is happiness with icing on top"

"A cynical, mercenary, demagogic press will produce in time a public as base as itself"

"A dangling modifier walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A dangling participle walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A day late and a dollar short"

"A day may come when I get enough sleep and don't need coffee. But it is not this day"

"A day of anarchy is worse than a hundred years of tyranny"

"A day without coffee is like... Just kidding. I have no idea"

"A day without wine is like... Just kidding. I have no idea"

"A day without wine isn't over yet"

"A DBA walks into a NoSQL bar..." (bar joke)

"A deaf guy walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A deal is a deal" (business saying)

"A default sans-serif font walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A defenseman needs 300 games to learn how to play" (hockey adage)

"A Democrat will give you the shirt off my back"

"A detained knight should consult a graphic designer. Apparently they free lance a lot"

"A diamond is a chunk of coal that made good under pressure"

"A dickhead walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit"

"A diet is what helps a person gain weight more slowly"

"A diet is when you have to go to some length to change your width"

"A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch"

"A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries"

"A digital ID is not to identify yourself. It is to track and trace your every move"

"A dining car is a chew-chew train"

"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age"

"A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell so that you look forward to the trip"

"A diplomat is anyone who thinks twice before saying nothing"

"A diplomat is a person who can be disarming even though his country isn't"

"A diplomat's life is made up of three ingredients: protocol, Geritol and alcohol"

"A doctor walks into a bar..." ("hickory daiquiri doc" bar joke)

"A tiger doesn't lose sleep over the opinion of sheep" (proverb)

"A dog may be man's best friend, but he won't pick you up at the airport"

"A dog may be your best friend, but they won't pick you up at the airport"

"A dog prepares you for kids. A cat prepares you for teenagers"

"A dog walks into a telegram office..." (joke)

"A dollar-three-eighty"

"A donut is just a dessert bagel"

"A doughnut is just a dessert bagel"

"A dressmaker sews what she gathers; a farmer gathers what he sows"

"A drinking establishment for brass enthusiasts: HornPub"

"A drummer with good time doesn't exist" (joke)

"A drunk dyslexic wanks into a jar" (bar joke)

"A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts"

"A duck walks into a bar and asks, 'Got any grapes?'" (bar joke)

"A duck walks into a bar and says, 'Put it on my bill'" (bar joke)

"A duck walks into a bar. The bartender asks, 'Waddle it be?'" (bar joke)

"A dwarf walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A dyslexic man walks into a bra" (bar joke)

"A dyslexic robber runs into a bank and screams, 'Air in the hands, mother stickers!'"

"A face for radio"

"A Facebook stranger doesn't like my opinion. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time"

"A fairy tale is a horror story to prepare children for the newspapers"

"A fallen leaf is nothing more than a summer's wave goodbye"

"A falling leaf is summer's wave goodbye"

"A family checks into a hotel..." (joke)

"A fanatic is one who won't change his mind and won't change the subject"

"A fat person doesn't eat what's right, but eats what's left"

"A father carries pictures where his money used to be"

"A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be"

"A female janitor asked if I'd do some weed with her. I can't deal with high maintenance women"

"A ferry is the poor man's cruise ship"

"A few oil wells make ranching a fine business"

"A figure of speech literally walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A file folder walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A filibuster is a long speech about nothing by an authority on the subject"

"A financier is a pawnbroker with imagination"

"A fine is a tax for doing wrong; a tax is a fine for doing okay"

"A fingerprint sensor on your phone is a one-digit password"

"A fire hydrant has H2O on the inside and K9P on the outside"

"A fireman runs into a school clutching a screwdriver and shouts, 'This is not a drill!'"

"A fish in sea" ("efficiency" pun)

"A fish walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A fisherman is a jerk on one end of the line waiting for a jerk on the other"

"A fisherman walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A five-dollar bill walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A food court implies the existence of food crime, and a food judicial system"

"A food system dependent on chemicals is not a food system, it's a chemical system"

"A food truck is the opposite of a drive-thru"

"A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place"

"A fool and his money are soon audited"

"A fool and his money are soon elected"

"A fool and his money are soon partying"

"A foolish faith in authority is the enemy of the truth"

"A football team that has two quarterbacks has no quarterback"

"'A fraction of the cost' is misleading as hypothetically, something could be 3/2 of the cost"

"A fraudster who installs kitchen worktops got arrested. He was charged with counter fitting"

"A Frenchman drinks his native wine, a German drinks his beer..." (toast)

"A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat"

"A friend doesn't go on a diet when you are fat"

"A friend got some vinegar in his ear. Now he suffers from pickled hearing!"

"A friend in need is a damned nuisance"

"A friend is like a four-leaf clover -- hard to find, lucky to have"

"A friend is one who overlooks your broken fence and admires the flowers in your garden"

"A friend is someone who knows all about you but likes you anyway"

"A friend of wine is a friend of mine"

"A friend told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn"

"A friend told me that all apples were yellow... I was like, 'that's bananas'"

"A friend tweeted 'what’s a simile?' I clicked the 'like' button"

"A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship"

"A frog walks in to a bar and orders a 'Wodka'..." (bar joke)

"A fruit farmer told me: 'I eat what fruit I can, and what I can't I can'"

"A fruit probably wouldn't travel to Australia, but a veggie might"

"A full mind is an empty bat" (baseball adage)

"A full pocketbook often groans more loudly than an empty stomach"

"A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand"

"A gaffe is when a politician tells the truth" (Kinsley gaffe)

"A" Game

"A game of inches" (sports saying)

"A game of solitaire is probably one of the slowest ways to sort a deck of cards"

"A gathering of baboons is called a congress"

"A gentleman is a man who can play the saxophone but doesn't"

A Genuine Texas Town (Rotan slogan)

"A German walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A ghost walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A giant lightbulb walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A gig is worth ten rehearsals" (music adage)

"A giraffe walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A giraffe walks into a bar and the barman says..." (bar joke)

"A giraffe walks into a bar. Giraffes aren’t good at playing limbo" (bar joke)

"A giraffe's coffee would be cold by the time it reached the bottom of its throat..."

"A girl loved me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water. Schwepped her off her feet"

"A girl was knocking on my hotel room door all night. Finally, I had to let her out"

"A goal without a plan is just a wish"

"A goal is a dream with a deadline" (management aphorism)

"A goal should scare you a little, and excite you a lot"

"A goaltender is a team's best penalty killer" (hockey adage)

"A goat, a drum and a snake fall off a cliff. Ba-Dum-Tss"

"A goat walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A gold mine is a hole in the ground with a liar on top"

"A goldfish walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A golf ball is a golf ball, no matter how you putt it"

"A golf cart is a sports car"

"A golf club walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A golf course is a site to be holed"

"A good big man will beat a good little man" (boxing adage)

"A good bowl of pasta is worth every penne"

"A good building, you got a door man. A bad building, you just got a man in a door"

"A good date ends with dinner. An awesome date ends with breakfast"

"A good day starts with a positive attitude and a great cup of coffee"

"A good day starts with a positive attitude and a great cup of coffee"

"A good driver can make a poor car look good, but not the other way around"

"A good friend knows how you take your coffee. A great friend adds booze"

"A good insurance company knows how to handle acclaim"

"A good man can make you feel sexy...oh sorry, that's wine. Wine does that"

"A good mother loves her children. A great mother still loves them when they're teenagers"

"A good number of my friends are racist. Precisely zero -- and that is a good number"

"A good pair of running shoes can last 400 miles" (running adage)

"A good part of online school is that there are no school shootings"

"A good percentage of my friends are Nazis. That percentage is zero"

"A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow"

"A good pun is its own reword"

"A good putter is a match for anyone and a bad putter is a match for no one" (golf adage)

"A goose walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch"

"A government that forces you to account to them for the way you spend your money, but..."

"A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the television"

"A grandmother is a little bit parent, a little bit teacher, and a little bit best friend"

"A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween"

"A grapefruit is a lemon that had a chance and took advantage of it"

"A grasshopper walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A grave twenty-three inches long" (a newspaper column)

A great place to hang your hat (Paris, Texas slogan)

"A great way to protect yourself from the sun is drinking wine in the shade"

"A green Thanksgiving means a white Christmas"

"A group of dolphins is called a pod. And a group of falcons is called a cast..." ("podcast")

"A group of homophones wok inn two a bar..." (bar joke)

"A group of kids is called a migraine"

"A grown up silly straw is called a serious straw"

"A gun in the hand beats a cop on the phone"

"A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone"

"A gun in the hand is worth more than the entire police force on the phone"

"A gun in the hand is worth the entire police force on the phone"

"A gun is like a beer cooler: It should be fully loaded before use and completely empty after"

"A gun in the hand is better than two cops on the phone"

"A guy named Bart walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A guy only 3 feet, 3 inches tall showed up at my house. It was the meter man"

"A guy walks into a bar and orders fruit punch..." (bar joke)

"A guy walks into a bar..." (bar jokes)

"A guy walks into a bar...lucky bastard" (bar joke, told during COVID-19 bar closures)

"A guy walks into a bar with an octopus..." (bar joke)

"A guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator..." (bar joke)

"A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog..." (bar joke)

"A gymnast walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A gymnast walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A gyro is a Greek taco" ("A gyro is a lamb taco")

"A half-truth is a whole lie"

"A ham sandwich walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A hamburger a day keeps the vegans away"

"A hamburger doesn't have a front or back until you bite it"

"A hamburger walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A hamburger walks into a bar..." (joke)

"A hand up, not a handout"

"A hangover is just your body reminding you that you’re an idiot"

"A hangover is the wrath of grapes"

"A hangover is when you open your eyes in the morning and wish you hadn't"

"A happy customer tells a friend; an unhappy customer tells the world"

"A happy fighter is a dangerous fighter" (boxing adage)

"A harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a very, very dangerous man..."

"A harp is a piano after taxes"

"A haunted house, but for dads and all the lights are on. All of them"

"A haunted house for dads, but it's during a sunny day and all the lights are on inside"

"A healthy attitude is contagious, but don’t wait to catch it from others. Be a carrier!"

"A heart shaped pizza is less pizza! Stay woke"

"A heart the size of Texas" or "A heart as big as Texas" (Texas saying)

"A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer"

"A high five is just a multiplayer clap"

"A highway to hell implies the existence of public transportation to heaven"

"A hipster walks into a bar you’ve never heard of" (bar joke)

"A hit dog will holler"

"A holding company is where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you"

"A Hong Kong second is a New York minute"

"A horse, a dog, and a penguin walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A horse goes into a bar and says, ‘Can I have a large aperitif?'" (bar joke)

"A horse runs into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A horse walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint..." (bar joke)

"A horse walks into a bar..." (bar anti-joke)

"A horse walks into a bar. Show jumping at its worst" (bar joke)

"A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Hey!' ..."

"A horse walks into a barn..." (bar joke)

"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running"

"A hospital is no place to be sick"

"A hot dog is just an American taco"

"A hot dog is the opposite of a chili dog"

"A hotel mini-bar allows you to see into the future what a can of soda will cost in 20 years"

"A house is made of walls and beams; a home is built with love and dreams"

"A house is made of wood and stone, but only love can make a home"

"A house is not a home without a dog"

"A house isn’t a home unless there’s wifi"

"A house isn’t a home unless there’s wifi"

"A hug in a mug" (coffee, hot cocoa, soup, tea)

"A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughter's school concert"

"A husband calls up the hotel manager from his room..." (joke)

"A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he cleaned the house"

"A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he cleaned the whole house"

"A hyperbole totally ripped into the bar and absolutely destroyed everything!" (bar joke)

"A hypocrite is a fellow who is not himself on Sundays"

"A hypocrite is a person who is not himself on Sunday"

"A hypocrite is someone who's not themselves on Sunday"

"A janitor, a waitress, and a bartender walk into a bar... (bar joke)

"A jazz musician is someone that puts a $5,000 horn in a $500 car and drives 50 miles for $5 gig"

"A jellyfish's mouth is also its anus. The politician of the sea"

"A Jewish fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school"

"A job is more than a paycheck. It's also a place where you cry in the bathroom"

"A joke walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A journalist is an unemployed reporter"

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance"

"A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers"

"A jumper cable walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer"

"A jury is one thing that never works when it's fixed"

"A keg but for iced coffee"

"A keyboard walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A kid threw a lump of cheddar at me. I thought, ‘That’s not very mature'"

"A King caught his Queen watching Pawn one Knight in the Castle and decided to report to the Bishop"

"A klutz walks into a bar" (bar joke)

"A knight in shining armor is a man who's never had his metal truly tested"

"A knight on the rim is dim" (chess adage)

"A knish is just a mashed potato Hot Pocket"

A la Minute

"A lamb, a drum and a snake fall off a cliff. Ba-Dum-Tss"

"A landscaper walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A large aperitif: contents of an Italian horse's mouth"

"A large dog's favorite pastry is a Great Danish"

"A large group of Karens is called a Homeowners' Association"

"A large group of Karens is called an HOA"

"A late train gets later" (transportation adage)

"A lawsuit is something no one wants to have and no one wants to lose"

"A lawyer asked his dentist to give him a retainer"

"A lawyer helps you get what's coming to him"

"A lawyer is someone who writes an 80-page document, and calls it a 'brief'"

"A lawyer prevents somebody else from getting your money"

"A lawyer’s first duty is to make sure that only the client goes to jail"

"A lawyer's time and advice are his stock in trade"

"A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way"

"A leader leads by example, whether he intends to or not"

"A leader must inspire or his team will expire"

"A leadoff walk always scores" (baseball adage)

"A liberal is a man too broad-minded to take his own side in a quarrel"

"A liberal is a man who leaves the room when the fight begins"

"A liberal is a man with both feet planted firmly in the air"

"A liberal is a person who will give away everything he doesn't own"

"A liberal is a person whose interests aren’t at stake at the moment"

"A libertarian is a conservative who's been busted"

"A libertarian is a liberal who learned economics"

"A libertarian is a Republican who smokes pot"

"A libertarian is someone who believes in the non-aggression principle..."

"A library is a hospital for the mind"

"A license is when the government takes away your right to do something, then sells it back to you"

"A license is what you get when the gov't steals your rights away from you and then sells them back"

"A lick and a promise"

"A lie has speed, but truth has endurance"

"A life of frustration is inevitable for any coach whose main enjoyment is winning"

"A life without brisket is a life not worth living"

"A life without memes is memingless"

"A limbo dancer walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A line in the sand" (Col. Travis in 1836; Pres. Bush in 1990)

"A linguist walks into a bar and orders an IPA..." (bar joke)

"A lion, a witch and a wardrobe walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A lion doesn't concern himself with the opinions of a sheep"

"A lion doesn't lose sleep over the opinions of sheep"

"A lion never loses sleep over the opinions of sheep"

"A little birdie told me my golf skills are improving"

"A Little Bit of New England in the Bronx" (Johnny's Reef)

"A little government involvement is just as dangerous as a lot"

"A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation"

"A loaf of bread, a pound of meat, and all the mustard you can eat!" (hot dogs)

"A loaf of bread is really just a deck of carbs"

"A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage"

"A long term investment is a short term investment that failed"

"A lost opportunity is better than lost money" ("Missed money is better than lost money")

"A lot of money is tainted -- 'taint yours and 'taint mine"

"A lot of people are in debt because they spend what their friends think they make"

"A lot of people don't like Mondays, but 48 hours ago was a sadder day"

"A lot of people my age are dead"

"A lot of people were confused at the grand opening ceremony of my ribbon-repair business yesterday"

"A lot of women are turning into good drivers. If you're a good driver, watch out for turning women"

"A lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math"

"A macaron is just an Oreo that studied abroad"

"A machine learning algorithm walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A magazine is a bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue"

"A magician was driving down the road. Then he turned into a driveway"

"A malapropism walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A male feminist walks into a bar because it was set so low" (bar joke)

"A man bitten twice by the same snake is a fool"

"A man doesn't walk into a bar..." (bar joke, told during COVID-19 bar closures)

"A man doesn't walk into a pub..." (pub joke, told during COVID-19 pub closures)

"A man fell in a barrel of whiskey, but he died in good spirits"

"A man has been stealing wheels from police cars. Police are working tirelessly to catch him"

"A man in a hat got a tan" (Manhattan)

"A man in a wheelchair walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A man in debt is caught in a net"

"A man in Saudi Arabia has been caught stealing hand sanitiser. He won't need it now"

"A man is washing the car with his son. The son asks, 'Dad, can't you just use a sponge?'"

"A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy"

"A man on a tractor drove past me shouting, 'The end of the world is nigh!' It was Farmer Geddon"

"A man overdosed on curry powder and went into a korma"

"A man promised his girlfriend a diamond for Valentine's Day. So he took her to a baseball park"

"A man reading a thesaurus saunters into a tavern..." (bar joke)

"A man spilled his Scrabble set on the road. I asked, 'What's the word on the street?'"

"A man takes a drink...then the drink takes the man"

"A man takes a hooker out to dinner. He gives her his peas. She gives him herpes"

"A man takes his wife to get tested..." (joke)

"A man using Apple maps walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A man walks into a bar and asks for a Corona and two Hurricanes..." (bar joke)

"A man walks into a bar and asks the quickest way into town..." (bar joke)

"A man walks into a bar and hears a voice say, 'Nice tie!'" (bar joke)

"A man walks into a bar and says, 'Give me a beer before problems start!'" (bar joke)

"A man walks into a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table..." (bar joke)

"A man walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous woman..." (bar joke)

"A man walks into a bar and sees a smartly dressed woman..." (lawyer joke)

"A man walks into a bar... and stays there my entire childhood" (bar joke)

"A man walks into a bar..." (bar jokes)

"A man walks into a bar carrying an octopus..." (bagpipes joke)

"A man walks into a bar. His alcoholism problem is destroying his family" (bar joke)

"A man walks into a bar in New Orleans..." (bar joke)

"A man walks into a bar...lucky bastard" (bar joke, told during COVID-19 bar closures)

"A man walks into a bar wearing a tie fastener..." (bar joke)

"A man walks into a bar with a gun..." (bar joke)

"A man walks into a bar with a newt..." (bar joke)

"A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm..." (bar joke)

"A man walks into a library and asks if there are any books on poor eyesight..." (bar joke)

"A man walks into a Soviet shop and asks, 'You don't have any meat?'" (scarcity joke)

"A man was seriously injured today after being run over by a reversing car...." (joke)

"A man went into a library and asked, 'Do you have any books on shelves?'" (joke)

"A man went into a library and asked, 'Do you have any books on shelving?'" (joke)

"A man with authority walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two is never sure"

"A man without a government is like a lion without a circus"

"A manager eyes the bottom line; a leader eyes the horizon"

"A Man’s Breakfast: Eggs, bacon, and a goddamn gun"

"A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time: pills or stairs"

"A man's life: He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn't believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus"

"A marathon runner walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A marathon runner walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A marathoner walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A Marine on duty has no friends" (Marine Corps proverb)

"A market that rallies on bad news could signal a bottom' (Wall Street adage)

"A Marxist is someone who loves humanity in groups of one million or more"

"A mask is not a political statement. It's an IQ test"

"A masochist walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A mathematician, a college professor, and a textbook author walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A mathematician walks into a bar and orders ten times the drinks of everyone else..." (bar joke)

"A Matter of Taste" (Tasti D-Lite)

"A McDonald's sign said, ‘All Day Breakfast.' I thought, 'I don’t have time for that'"

"A meal without wine is breakfast"

"A meatball is just a bite-sized meatloaf"

"A meatball sub is basically just an Italian taco"

"A median and a mode walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A meeting is no substitute for progress"

"A microwave is an easy bake oven for adults"

"A midget stumbles out of the bar... He was a little drunk"

"A midget walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A mile wide and an inch deep"

"A Milky Way is just a female Snickers"

"A million guys walk into a Silicon Valley bar..." (bar joke)

"A million guys walk into a Silicon Valley bar..." (tech joke)

"A million kids want to clean up earth. A million parents want them to start with their rooms"

"A million kids want to clean up the Earth. A million parents want it started with their bedrooms"

"A mimosa is just a socially acceptable breakfast screwdriver"

"A minimalist walks into a bar" (bar joke)

"A Möbius strip walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A model railroad is never finished" (adage)

"A model railway is never finished" (adage)

"A modern bar mitzvah is more 'bar' than 'mitzvah'"

"A mole walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A moment on the lips, forever on the hips"

"A month does not a trend make"

"A morning without coffee is like sleep"

"A mother gave birth during flight. The baby was airborne"

"A mother holds her children's hands for a while, but their hearts forever"

"A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people..."

"A motion to adjourn is always in order"

"A movement is over when the news is out" (Wall Street adage)

"A movie ticket for baby should cost at least $50"

"A muffin is a bald cupcake"

"A mugger robs a congressman" (joke)

"A mugger says to a university student, 'Your money or your life!'" (joke)

"A mummy covered in chocolate & nuts has been discovered. Archaeologists believe it's Pharaoh Roche"

"A music store was robbed. The robbers made off with the lute"

"A musical comedy must have good legs for a long run"

"A mute walks into a bar and says..." (bar joke)

"A naked woman gets into a taxi..." (jokes)

"A naked woman walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A nap is just a shortcut to your next meal"

"A nation of sheep"

"A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves"

"A nation owned by weapons manufacturers will never know peace"

"A nation run by bankers will never be out of debt"

"A nation that allows a small segment of its citizens to write the laws will never know justice"

"A nation that cannot control its borders can't control its destiny"

"A Nazi walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A nectarine is just a bald-headed peach"

"A nectarine is just a peach with a Brazilian wax"

"A nectarine is just a shaved peach"

"A nectarine is just a smooth peach"

"A neoconservative is a liberal who has been mugged by reality"

"A Nestle Crunch bar is beans and rice"

"A neutrino walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A neutrino walks through a bar..." (bar joke)

"A neutron walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A new broom sweeps clean, but an old broom knows all the corners"

"A new restaurant in my neighborhood offers a tasting menu, but it just tasted like paper to me"

"A new school, For a new century, In a new neighborhood" (Claremont Prep)

"A new study finds that sausages are often linked to other sausages"

"A new study has shown that the best time to brew a pot of coffee is right freaking now"

"A new study shows that the most expensive vehicle to operate is a shopping cart"

"A new supermarket opened near my house..." (joke)

"A new year is unfolding -- like a blossom with petals curled tightly, concealing the beauty within"

"A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other"

"A New Yorker is someone who longs for New York"

"A New Yorker learns to drive by yelling 'taxi'"

A New Yorker's View of the World

"A newspaper is a daily miracle"

"A nice cold drink and an ice cold drink is the same sentence with the space in different places"

"A nickel a shtickel"

"A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore"

"A nickel gets you on the subway, but garlic gets you a seat"

"A nihilist, a socialist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A non sequitur walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A nonrenewable natural resource walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A nose walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A nuclear war can ruin your whole day"

"A number 12 walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A nun, a priest and a rabbit walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A nut for a jar of tuna" (palindrome)

"A one hour workout is only 4% of your day. No excuses"

"A pair of dice walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A panda bear was frying up some bacon and eggs. It was a frying pan, duh"

"A panda feeds for 12 hours. This is the same as an adult under quarantine, called a ‘pandemic’"

"A panda walks into a restaurant..." (joke)

"A pansexual is someone who adores pan pizza from Pizza Hut"

"A paper cut is a tree's last revenge"

"A paper never refuses ink"

"A parking meter is a device that enables you to do two hours' shopping in one"

"A parking ticket officer is simply a hall monitor who reached full potential"

"A parking ticket officer is simply a hall monitor who reached full potential"

"A party in my tummy"

"A party in your mouth" (a taste sensation)

"A party without cake is just a meeting"

"A pat on the back is only a few vertebrae removed from a kick in the pants"

"A patient cured is a customer lost"

"A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government"

"A peach is just a hairy nectarine"

"A peanut sat on a railroad track. His heart was all a-flutter..."

"A pedestrian is someone who thought there were a couple of gallons left in the tank"

"A pencil is an acoustic pen"

"A penguin walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A penguin walks into an airport..." (joke)

"A penny found is worth more than a penny earned because a penny earned is taxed"

"A penny saved is a Congressional oversight"

"A penny saved is actually more valuable than a penny earned because you don't pay taxes on it"

"A penny saved is ridiculous"

"A pepperoni pizza Lunchable is just a portable charcuterie board"

"A perfectionist walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A person has to have a warm heart and a cold beer"

"A person of unspecified gender walks into a bar.." (bar joke)

"A person who cares for chickens is a chicken tender"

"A person who makes coffee makers is a coffee maker maker"

"A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner"

"A person with a liberal arts degree walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A person with an art degree walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A person with no face and no name who loves to eat is omnomynous"

"A person without data is just another person with an opinion"

"A pessimist is a well-informed optimist"

"A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities..."

"A pessimist is one who sees a disaster in every opportunity. An optimist sees opportunity..."

"A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty"

"A pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel..."

"A pessimist's blood type is always B-negative"

"A photon checks into a hotel..." (joke)

"A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building" (joke)

"A pickle is a cucumber soured by a jarring experience"

"A picture is worth a thousand words, but it will take longer to download"

"A pie doesn't grow through its slicing"

"A piece of fruit held up a bank and stole some money. It was a strobbery"

"A piece of gold walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A piece of sandpaper walks into a bar... (bar joke)

"A piece of sod walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A piece of turf walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A pig walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A pig's favorite movie: The Monster That Ate New York"

"A pilot is just a flying bus driver"

"A pint of Guinness has less calories than a pint of orange juice"

"A pirate walks into a bar, and it was at that moment..." (bar joke)

"A pirate walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head..." (bar joke)

"A pizza is technically a cylinder"

"A pizza with radius 'z' and thickness 'a' has a volume of Pi*z*z*a"

"A plateau is a high form of flattery"

"A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck..." (bar joke)

"A poem about work: Coffee. Blah blah blah. Drive home. Wine"

"A poem about work: Coffee. Blah blah blah. Drive home. Wine"

"A Pokémon Go user walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A policeman asked me to come down to the station for an interview" (joke)

"A politician can make waves, then make you think he's the only one who can save the ship"

"A politician is a man who will double-cross that bridge when he comes to it"

"A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground"

"A politician is someone who will lay down your life for his country"

"A politician thinks of the next election; a statesman of the next generation"

"A politician who's poor is a poor politician"

"A politician will find an excuse to get out of anything, except office"

"A politician would attend the opening of an envelope"

"A politician's back-slapping and hand-shaking is spoiled by leg-pulling"

"A positive attitude and a sense of humor go together like biscuits and gravy"

"A positive attitude is contagious, but don't wait to catch it from others. Be a carrier"

"A potato kugel is just a deep dish latke"

"A potato walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood bank..." (bar joke parody)

"A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A principle isn't a principle until it costs you money"

"A prisoner walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A problem is a chance for you to do your best"

"A problem with drinking with people from work is they’re the ones I bitch about when I’m drunk"

"A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep"

"A professor must have a theory, as a dog must have fleas"

"A programmer walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A pub is for life, not just for Christmas"

"A puddle of vomit goes into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A pun walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A QA engineer walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A quesadilla is essentially a grilled cheese sandwich"

"A question mark walks into a bar?" (bar joke)

"A quick nickel is better than a slow dime"

"A race horse is an animal that can take several thousand people for a ride at the same time"

"A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously"

"A Rastafarian walks into a bank with a bag of marijuana. He wanted to open a joint account"

"A Rat In The House May/Might Eat The Ice Cream" ("arithmetic" spelling aid)

"A real friend never gets in your way -- unless you happen to be on the way down"

"A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works"

"A real sign that you’ve made it is when your couches aren’t against a wall"

"A real Smart TV would increase the volume when you started eating chips"

"A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips"

"A really bad impressionist walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A really big shew" (The Ed Sullivan Show)

"A recession is when your neighbor loses his job; a depression is when you lose your job"

"A recipe is a story that ends with a good meal"

"A reckless driver is one who passes you, in spite of all you can do"

"A rectangular prism walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A refrigerator is a place to store leftovers until they are old enough to throw out"

"A reindeer walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A relationship without trust is like having a phone with no service. You play games"

"A restaurant for young cows is a calfé" (calf + café)

"A rib a day keeps the vegans away"

"A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money"

"A riot is the language of the unheard"

"A rising tide lifts all boats" (Wall Street proverb)

"A robot walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A rock guitarist plays 3 chords to 3,000 people; a jazz guitarist plays 3,000 chords to 3 people"

"A rock in bad hands killed Abel. A rock in good hands killed Goliath. It's not about the rock"

"A rock walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A rolling loan gathers no loss" (banking adage)

"A rolling stone gathers no moss. but a moving ceiling fan gathers dust like a motherfucker"

"A Roman walks into a bar and orders a Martinus..." (bar joke)

"A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers..." (bar joke)

"A room and bath for two and one-half" (Commodore Hotel, now Grand Hyatt)

"A rosé by any other name would taste as sweet"

"A rubber band was confiscated during algebra because it was a weapon of math disruption"

"A runner walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A safety net should be a trampoline as opposed to a hammock"

"A salad is just a deconstructed sandwich"

"A salad without radicchio? That's just radicchio-less"

"A salt truck implies the existence of a pepper truck"

"A sandwich is an unsuccessful attempt to make both ends meat"

"A saxophone is like a lawsuit. Everyone is happy when the case is closed."

"A scared nickel never made a dime" (business adage)

"A schlemiel is the guy who spills soup. A schlimazel is the guy he spills it on"

"A science teacher had his students observe and report on the condensation..." (joke)

"A screwdriver walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A seat on the New York Stock Exchange is a license to steal"

"A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student"

"A selfie with a celebrity is the new form of an autograph"

"A semicolon broke the law; it was given two consecutive sentences"

"A shady business never yields a sunny life"

"A sheep, a drum and a snake fall off a cliff. Ba-Dum-Tss"

"A sheep, a drum and a snake walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A ship does not sail with yesterday's wind" (political proverb)

"A sign for a strip club during the day: 'Sorry, we're clothed'"

"A sign said 'Lobster Tails $2.' I paid $2 and was told, 'Once upon a time there was a lobster...'"

"A signature reveals a man's character -- and sometimes even his name"

"A simile walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A single bee is ignored, but when millions come together, even the bravest run in fear"

"A single kernel of corn is a unicorn"

"A single piece of corn is technically a unicorn"

"A six-sided man walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A skeleton walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A skyscraper is a machine that makes the land pay"

"A sloppy joe is just a chili sandwich"

"A slurpee is just a boneless popsicle"

"A small carafe of wine is illogical, immoral and inadequate"

"A small meteorite is reportedly headed for Legoland. The damage is expected to be 50 square blocks"

"A smart ass can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you what flavor it is"

"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight"

"A smoking section in a restaurant is like a peeing section in a swimming pool"

"A smoothie implies the existence of a roughie"

"A smoothie is a meal that a robot has pre-chewed for you"

"A Smurf walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A snail walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A snake walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A snowbank implies the existence of snowmoney"

"A snowflake is winter's butterfly"

"A soccer ball walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A socialist is someone who wants everything you have, except your job"

"A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves"

"A sod farmer walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A soft-boiled egg is the lava cake of eggs"

"A soft taco is just an unfolded burrito"

"A software tester walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A soup can't go bad if you just never stop boiling it..."

"A space heater makes a great housewarming gift"

"A spark plug walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walk into a bar..." (bar jokes)

"A spice thief had his own spices stolen. I guess you could say he had it cumin"

"A spider just crawled into my keyboard. It's okay, I've got it under Ctrl"

"A spill, a slip, a hospital trip" (safety slogan)

"A spoon is just a bowl on a stick"

"A spoon is just a small bowl with a handle"

"A sports bra implies the existence of an academic bra"

"A sports network employee got arrested for selling company secrets. He was charged with ESPN-age"

"A sports network employee got arrested for selling company secrets. He was charged with ESPN-age"

"A SQL query goes into a restaurant..." (joke)

"A SQL query walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A square, a triangle and a hexagon walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A square and a circle walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A state of emergency that lasts 2 years is no longer a state of emergency. It is a dictatorship"

"A state of emergency that lasts two years is no longer a state of emergency. It’s a power grab"

"A statesman is a politician who is dead"

"A statesman is any politician it's considered safe to name a school after"

"A steak a day keeps the vegans away"

"A stew boiled is a stew spoiled"

"A stinky man walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A stir fry is just a hot salad"

"A stock doesn't know where it has been" or "A stock doesn't know you own it" (Wall Street proverb)

"A stock is worth what someone is willing to pay for it" (Wall Street adage)

"A stock market crash is worse than a divorce. You lose half your money & your wife is still around"

"A stoner, a Jedi and a surgeon walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A street had houses numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB. It was a trip down memory lane"

"A street had houses numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB. It was a trip down memory lane"

"A string walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A strong butt is the key to a happy life"

"'A' students teach 'B' students to work for 'C' students"

"A subatomic particle refused to pay bus fare. It just lepton"

"A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him"

"A Sunday well spent brings a week of content"

"A superconductor walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A supreme court implies the existence of a meatlovers court"

"A surgeon, an architect, and a politician" (joke)

"A Swedish Fish is that which has no Finns"

"A Swedish woman, two Swedish men, and another Swedish woman walk into ABBA..." (bar joke)

"A synonym strolls into a tavern..." (bar joke)

"A system that has no problems printing currency without wealth will print votes without voters"

"A tablespoon is to eat tables with"

"A taco is a beef love letter in a corn envelope that you mail to your stomach"

"A taco is a fish love letter in a corn envelope that you mail to your stomach"

"A taco is just a Mexican hot dog"

"A tall guy walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A taxpayer voting Democratic is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders"

"A tavern is a place where madness is sold by the bottle"

"A tax can be fair or simple, but not both"

"A tax loophole benefits the other guy; if it benefits you, it's tax reform"

"A taxi is not a restaurant" (joke)

"A taxpayer voting Democrat is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders"

"A taxpayer voting for a Democrat is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders"

"A teacher takes a hand, opens a mind and touches a heart"

"A teacher walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A team is a reflection of its coach" (sports adage)

"A teetotaler walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A television can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer"

"A-ten-hut!" or "Ten-hut!" ("attention" command)

"A tenement house in Greenwood" (soup with greens)

"A tennis ball walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A tepid vote counts the same as a wildly enthusiastic vote"

"A termite walks into a bar and asks, 'Is the bar tender here?'" (bar joke)

"A testing engineer walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A Texan and a Mexican walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A Texan is a Mexican who couldn't swim to Oklahoma" (dirty joke definition)

"A theater without beer is just a museum"

"A theory should not attempt to explain all the facts, because some of the facts are wrong"

"A thief believes everybody steals" (proverb)

"A thief entered a theatre. He stole the spotlight"

"A thief is more moral than a congressman. When a thief steals your money..."

"A three-legged dog walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A Tibetan monk sees Jesus in a tub of margarine and cries, 'I can't believe it's not Buddha!'"

"A tie game is like kissing your sister"

"A time-stretched sinusoid walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A time traveler walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A tomato is technically a fruit, but it usually identifies as a vegetable. It's a transplant"

"A ton of money" (a large amount of money)

"A topiary expert walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A tortilla chip is just a biodegradable spoon"

"A towel walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A town legalized pot, but banned alcohol. The residents were left high and dry"

"A town so small, people only lock their car doors during the zucchini harvest"

"A town with a lot of park benches is a sity"

"A tradition unlike any other" (The Masters golf tournament)

"A tragedy is a ship full of bankers sinking. A catastrophe is when they can all swim"

"A train is like a moving waiting room"

"A treadmill is basically a hamster wheel for humans"

"A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defense"

"A truck carrying onions has overturned. Motorists are advised to find a hard shoulder to cry on"

"A truck full of guitar pedals crashed on I-5. Expect delays"

"A truck full of Vicks VapoRub overturned. Police are saying there will be no congestion for 24hrs."

"A truckload of Brillo pads was stolen last night. Police are currently scouring the area"

"A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success"

"A true friend is one who thinks you're a good egg, even though you're slightly cracked"

"A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down"

"A true friend sees the pain in your eyes, even when you have a big smile on your face"

"A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty"

"A truly special teacher is very wise, and sees tomorrow in every child's eyes"

"A tub of margarine fell on my foot 3 weeks ago and it still hurts. I can't believe it's not better"

"A tuba player walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A tuba player walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A Tuesday after a holiday is like a double whammy Monday"

"A turducken is technically a stuffed animal"

"A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer"

"A TV channel dedicated to 24-hour cricket coverage should be called 'No Rest For The Wicket'"

"A Twitter stranger doesn’t like my opinion. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time"

"A Twizzler is the beef jerky of candy"

"A tyrant doesn't ask for power over you. A tyrant asks for power over your neighbors"

"A university is a city in outer space"

"A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in the students"

"A user interface is like a joke. If you have to explain it, it's not that good"

"A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in"

"A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking"

"A vanilla soy latte is a type of 3-bean soup"

"A vegetarian is a person who doesn't eat anything that can have children"

"A ventriloquist walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A veteran is someone who wrote a blank check to the United States of America"

"A Viagra shipment was stolen today. Cops are on the lookout for a gang of hardened criminals"

"A violinist walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A virologist, an epidemiologist and a scientist walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A virus didn’t change our lives. A tyrannical government did"

"A voice for print"

"A vote for freedom is never wasted"

"A vulture with two dead raccoons tries to board. 'Sorry, only one carrion is allowed'"

"A waffle is a pancake with a non-skid tread"

"A waffle is just a more considerate pancake"

"A waffle is just a pancake's alter Eggo"

"A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap"

"A waffle without the letter W is just awful"

"A waist is a terrible thing to mind"

"A walk is as good as a hit" (baseball adage)

"A watched pot never boils"

"A Way of Life" & "Think Less, Feel Better" (New York Health & Racquet Club)

"A weasel walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A weatherman was sacked because of cold, gloomy forecasts. No more mist and ice guy"

"A web developer left a restaurant before ordering because he hated the menus" (joke)

"A web developer left a restaurant before ordering because he hated the menus" (joke)

"A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day"

"A week is a long time in politics"

"A well-adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous"

"A wet man does not fear the rain"

"A wildebeest walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A win is a win" (sports adage)

"A wine tasting is the only time it's okay to ask a woman in public if she spits or swallows"

"A winner is a dreamer who never gives up"

"A winner makes commitments. A loser makes promises"

"A winner never quits and a quitter never wins"

"A winter poem: Shit, it's cold. The end"

"A wireless bra? It was tricky enough; now I need a password?"

"A wise Chinese man once said, "If a dog barks, it's undercooked'"

"A wise man can always be found alone. A weak man can always be found in a crowd"

"A wise man once said, 'Fuck this shit'"

"A wise person knows that there is something to be learned from everyone"

"A wise person once said, 'Fuck this shit'"

"A wise woman once said 'fuck this shit' and she lived happily ever after"

"A woman and a duck walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A woman is accused of beating her husband half to death with his guitar collection..." (joke)

"A woman notices her ex-husband drinking at the bar..." (joke)

"A woman voting Republican is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders"

"A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre" (bar joke)

"A woman's place is in the kitchen"

"A working man voting Republican is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders"

"A world without tomatoes is like a string quartet without violins"

"A world without weird people is like vanilla ice cream without the sprinkles"

"A worm crawls out of a bowl of spaghetti and says, 'That was some orgy!'"

"A writer must always tell the truth (unless he's a journalist)"

"A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army"

"A yawn is a silent scream for coffee"

"A year from now you will wish you had started today"

"A young person voting for a Democrat is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders"

"A young person voting for a Republican is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders"

"A young Texan walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A young Texan walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"A Zamboni is a sports car"

"A zombie walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

ABC ("Anyone But the Cowboys")

ABC Rule (Anything But Cabernet; Anything But Chardonnay)

ABCNNBCBS (ABC + CNN + NBC + CBS)

Abilene Distorter-News (Abilene Reporter-News nickname)

Abilenian (inhabitant of Abilene)

"Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter"

"Ability may get you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there"

"Abortion is not healthcare because killing isn't healing"

"Abortion: It really brings out your inner child"

"Abortion really brings out the kid in you"

"About all you can do is dream of a white Christmas; it leaves most of us in the red"

About the Site Editor

"About the time we think we can make both ends meet, somebody moves the ends"

"About to put on a suit and tie for the party. Yes, I'm dressing up for Halloween"

Above-way (proposed monorail to complement subway)

Abovetexas (Oklahoma nickname)

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder"

"Absinthe makes the fart grow stronger"

"Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder"

"Absolute safety enslaves absolutely"

Absolutely Awful or Always Awful (American Airlines nickname)

"Absolutely despicable that gingerbread men are forced to live in houses made of their own flesh"

Absolutely Pathetic (Associated Press or AP nickname)

"Abstinence is a good thing, but it should always be practiced in moderation"

"Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers"

Absurdistan

"Abundance -- Big party held in a bakery"

ABV Disease (Anything But Vaccines)

ACAB (All Communists Are Bastards)

ACAB (All Coppers Are Bastards)

ACAB (All Cops Are Bastards)

"Academia is like a pie-eating contest where the reward is more pie"

"Accept people as they are. Believe in what they can become"

"'Acceptable level of unemployment' means the government economist has a job" (Nowlan's Truism)

Access To Money ("ATM" backronym)

"'Accidentally' buy the potato chips your spouse doesn’t like so you don’t have to share"

"Accidentally closed a browser with 20+ tabs opened..."

"Accidentally drank invisible ink... I'm now in hospital, waiting to be seen"

"Accidentally just closed 32 tabs on my computer browser..."

"Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I'm the proud owner of aisle 7"

"Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties"

"According to my nipples, spring isn't here yet"

"According to my nipples, summer is over"

"According to my nipples, summer's over"

"According to my nipples, there's a 99% chance it's cold as fuck outside"

"According to my nipples, there's a ninety-nine percent chance it's cold as fuck outside"

"Accordion to research, most people will not notice musical instruments appearing within sentences"

"Accounting is the language of business"

Acela Primary or Amtrak Primary (Northeast presidential primaries)

"Achieved a new personal best in the 100 yard dash today -- 43 yards"

"Acknowledge the corn" (to confess or acknowledge a charge)

"Alcoholics don't run in my family. They stumble around breaking stuff"

Acquikill (acquire + kill)

"Acres and acres, and she's all mine!" (Texas size joke)

Acropolis of America (Morningside Heights)

"Act before you think" (acting adage)

"Act your wage"

"Acting is behaving truthfully under imaginary circumstances"

"Acting is living truthfully under imaginary circumstances"

"Acting is reacting" (acting adage)

"Acting is the ability to dream on cue"

"Actions speak louder than words, but not nearly as often"

"Actor can read the telephone book" (actor's saying)

"Actor: What's my motivation? / Director: Your salary"

"Actors have to dream to order"

Actors Stewdio (Jim Downey's Steak House nickname)

Actors Stewdio (nickname of Jim Downey's Steak House, near the Actors Studio)

"Acupuncture is a jab well done"

"Acute alcoholic: an attractive drunk"

"Adam and Eve lived appley ever after"

Adam and Eve on a raft (poached eggs on toast)

"Adam and Eve: The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions"

"Adam and Eve weren't Chinese. They would have sold the apple and eaten the snake"

"Adblock should buy out Times Square and replace signs with 'This ad blocked by Adblock'"

"'Addict' makes it sound so negative. Let's just say I have a high coffee absorbency rate"

Adding "public advocate" to the OED

"Adding 'showed up to work during the apocalypse' to my résumé"

Addisonian (inhabitant of Addison)

Adirondack Bear Paw or Adirondack Black Bear (ice cream)

Administration's Press (Associated Press or AP nickname)

Admiral's Row or Officer's Row (Brooklyn Navy Yard buildings)

Adobo Sauce

Adopt-a-Highway

"Adult life is a constant cycle of 'I just need to get through this week', every week..."

"Adult life is hard, but at least we don't have to do P.E anymore"

"Adult life may be difficult, but at least we don't have to do P.E. anymore"

"Adult life might be full of pain and suffering, but at least we don't have to do P.E. anymore"

"Adult on board. I want to live too!" (vehicle sign)

"Adult with autism on board" (vehicle sign)

"Adulthood has showed me that you really don't need fun to have alcohol"

"Adulthood has shown me that you really don't need fun to have alcohol"

"Adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the street & then getting hit by an airplane"

"Adulthood is shopping for office supplies instead of school supplies"

"Adulting be like: Paycheck: $624.42 Bills: $597.63"

"Adulting is soup and I am a fork"

"Adults are just kids who owe money"

"Adults are just kids with money"

"Adults on board. We want to live too!" (vehicle sign)

"Adventures in Heroism" (Intrepid Sea-Air-Space Museum)

Adventures NYC

"Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records"

"Adversity doesn't build character -- it reveals it"

"Adversity introduces a man to himself"

"Advertising helps raise the standard of living by raising the standard of longing"

"Advertising is the most fun you can have with your clothes on"

"Advertising is what you pay for; publicity is what you pray for"

Adzillatron (Darrell K. Royal-Texas Memorial Stadium scoreboard nickname)

Seagan (sea + vegan)

Aer Fungus or Air Fungus (Aer Lingus nickname)

"Aerobics: a series of strenuous exercises..."

Aeroflop (Aeroflot nickname)

Aerosplat (Aeroflot nickname)

"Afraid of not getting what you ordered with online shopping? Try online dating!"

African American Day Parade

African Diaspora Film Festival & African Diaspora Summer Film Series

Africa's Big Apple (Lagos nickname)

"After 30, you can’t eat Taco Bell and have sex in the same day"

"After 40, you can’t have Taco Bell and sex in the same day"

"After 8 beers I was dangerously weaving in the middle of the road..." (joke)

"After all the eating I did over the holidays, I am happy to report that my socks still fit"

"After all the stupid things I’ve done in my life, if I die because I touched my face..."

"After all this bullshit, we better be in the next bible"

"After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them"

"After dinner, my wife asked me if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it"

"After drinking whiskey, driving is risky"

"After drinking whisky, driving is risky"

"After filling up my gas tank this morning before work, I realized that I didn’t want to eat..."

"After I drink coffee, I show my empty mug to the IT guy and say I've successfully installed Java"

"After I drink coffee, I show my empty mug to the IT guy and say I've successfully installed Java"

"After I finish my morning cup of coffee, I like to take a break and have a cup of coffee"

"After I'm done snacking, I have to show my hands to the dog like I'm a black jack dealer"

"After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF"

"After playing guitar for years, I thought I could learn to play the piano..."

"After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging"

"After six months of listening to people talk with masks on..."

"After spending any amount of time on social media you can understand..."

"After watching how some people wear their masks, I understand why contraception fails"

"After whiskey, driving risky"

"After whisky, driving risky"

"After winning, I threw the ball into the crowd. Apparently, that's unacceptable in bowling"

"After work, I volunteer to help blind children" (joke)

Afterburners (Jalapeño Shrimp Poppers)

AG (Attorney General or Aspiring Governor)

"Age and glasses of wine should never be counted"

"Age doesn't matter unless you're a cheese"

Agent Orange Corn (GE corn)

Agflation (agriculture + inflation)

Agg Town or Aggtown (Arlington nickname)

Aggie Jokes

Aggie Punch

Aggie (Texas A&M nickname)

Agita (Agida; Acida)

"Agree with me on 9 of 12 issues, vote for me. Agree on 12 of 12, see a psychiatrist" (Ed Koch)

"Agriculture majors who become farmers always find a job in their field"

"Ah, nothing like the smell of freshly brewed magical psychotic rage stabilizer in the morning"

"Ahmed walks into Abbar..." (bar joke)

AIDS Walk

"Aim so high that others will think you're crazy"

Aimez-vous Glamis (name used to avoid the "Macbeth" curse)

AINO (American In Name Only)

Ain't I Greedy or Aren't I Greedy (American International Group or AIG nickname)

"Ain't no fuckin way that whole Siberian Orchestra is trans"

"Ain't no sunshine when cheese gone"

Ain't Really Men Yet ("army" backronym)

"Aioli have eyes for you"

"Aioli is just bougie mayonnaise"

"Aioli is just mayo that studied abroad"

"Aioli is just mayonnaise that did a semester abroad"

Air Chance (Air France nickname)

"Air conditioning implies the existence of air shampooing"

Air Conditioning in a Glass (Rickey cocktail nickname)

"Air fryers are easy bake ovens for adults"

"Air fryers are the easy bake ovens many of us never got as children"

Air Fungus or Aer Fungus (Aer Lingus nickname)

"Air Jordan implies the existence of Water Jordan, Earth Jordan, and Fire Jordan"

"Air Jordans imply the existence of Water Jordans, Earth Jordans and Fire Jordans"

Airforce Rejected Me Yesterday ("army" backronym)

Airline Food (Airplane Food)

"Airline pilots are the truckers of the sky"

Airmageddon (air + Armageddon)

Airmelon (air + melon; jocular formation after "watermelon")

"Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you"

Airpocalypse (air + apocalypse)

Airport Test (employee selection test)

Airport Test (Pittsburgh Airport Test)

"Airports are like post offices for humans"

"Airports are like post offices for people"

Aisle Hog

"AK -- means the gun was manufactured in Alaska" (joke)

Akaushi Beef (Akaushi Cattle)

Al-CIAda (Al-Qaeda + CIA)

Al Dante (al dente + Dante Alighieri)

Al Pastor (Cabrito Al Pastor; Carne Al Pastor; Tacos Al Pastor)

Al-Reuters or Al Reutzeera (Reuters nickname)

Alabama: Lizard (nickname)

Alabama: Yellowhammer State (nickname)

Alain Locke and Harlem Renaissance as the "Big Apple" (1920s; suggested in 1988)

Alambres (Mexican Shish Kebab)

Alamo (black cube at Astor Place)

Alamo Bowl

Alamo Burger

Alamo City (San Antonio nickname)

"Alamo has no back door" (Maury Maverick, Jr.)

"Alarm clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack"

Alaska: The Last Frontier (nickname)

Albany: Albany Beef

Albany, Buffalo, New York, Rochester, Syracuse, Yonkers: Big Six (nickname)

Albany, Buffalo, Rochester, Syracuse, Utica, Yonkers: Big Six (nickname)

Albany: Politicana (nickname)

Albany: Steamed Hams (hamburgers)

Albany: Sturgeondom (nickname)

Albany: "What is the Easter bunny's favorite state capital?"/"Albunny, New York."

Albatross (golf score)

"Alcohol and calculus don't mix -- never drink and derive"

"Alcohol - Because no good story starts with someone eating a salad"

"Alcohol...Because sometimes the truth needs a laxative"

"Alcohol doesn't solve any problems...but then again, neither does milk"

"Alcohol helps to remove the stress, the tension, the bra, the panties and a host of other problems"

"Alcohol increases the size of the 'send' button by 90%"

"Alcohol is a good preservative for everything but brains"

"Alcohol is bad for my legs."/ "Do they swell?"/ "No, they spread."

"Alcohol is karaoke fuel"

"Alcohol is like a push-up bra for your personality"

"Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is 'What is C2H5OH?'"

"Alcohol is not the answer; it just makes you forget the question"

"Alcohol is the liquid version of Photoshop"

"Alcohol is the WD-40 for my brain"

"Alcohol is the WD40 of social interactions"

"Alcohol is yeast urine"

"Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy"

"Alcohol may be the road to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route"

"'Alcohol may intensify the results of this medication.' Is this a warning or a suggestion?"

"Alcohol (noun): The glue holding this shitshow together"

"Alcohol should be served in Capri Sun pouches. When you can't get the straw in the hole..."

"Alcohol: The WD40 for conversations"

"Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms should be a convenience store, not a government agency"

"Alcohol, what's that? It's not in my vodkabulary, but let me check in Whiskypedia"

"Alcohol you later"

"Alcoholic? No, my dear, I prefer the term 'drinking enthusiast'"

"Alcoholic seltzer is millennial Zima"

"Alcoholism is a disease. Get your shots here!" (bar sign)

"Alcoholism is the only disease that tries to convince you that you don't have it"

"Alderman, your saloon is on fire!"

"Alexa, check my bank balance and tell me which Apple product can I buy?"/"Apple juice."

"Alexa. delete my belly"

"Alexa, do the dishes"

"Alexa, homeschool my kids"

"Alexa, homeschool the children"

"Alexa, take down the Christmas decorations"

"Alexa, wash the dishes"

Alexander/Gin Alexander/Brandy Alexander/Coffee Alexander (cocktail)

Algebro (algebra + bro)

Algonquin Cocktail

Algonquin Hotel ("Gonk" & the "Round Table")

Alibi Ike

ALICE (Asset Limited, Income Constrained, Employed)

"Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse"

"All bags of M&Ms are family size when you're an orphan"

"All bananas are strippers"

"All barbecue experts are self-proclaimed"

"All bets are off in bankruptcy"

"All broth and no beans"

All Bullshit Channel (ABC nickname)

All But Dissertation (ABD)

"All Cognac is brandy, but not all brandy is Cognac"

"All Communists Are Bastards" (ACAB)

"All Coppers Are Bastards" (ACAB)

"All Cops Are Bastards" (ACAB)

"All countries got Coronavirus eventually, but China got it right off the bat"

"All Cows Eat Grass" (ACEG music mnemonic)

"All currencies eventually go to zero"

All Day I Dream About Sports (Adidas backronym)

All Dressed Bagel

All Dressed Hot Dog

All Dressed Pizza

"All drugs are 'safe and effective' when they're making billions of dollars"

"All eggs are poached eggs"

"All gaps eventually get filled"

"All gave some, some gave all"

"All governments lie about everything and you are programmed not to question anything..."

"All gurgle and no guts"

"All hotel rooms look the same with the lights off"

"All I ask is if we arm the teachers, the librarians get silencers"

"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy"

"All I could get on screen were pics of plates of stew. Turned out to be a wireless hotpot"

"All I could get on screen were pics of plates of stew. Turned out to be a wireless hotpot"

"All I do is work, go home, blink a few times then it's back to work"

"All I know about today is that coffee will be involved"

"All I know for certain about today is that coffee will be involved"

"All I need is coffee & mascara"

"All I need is mascara and caffeine"

"All I need today is a little bit of coffee and a whole lot of Jesus”

"All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt"

"All I want for Christmas is a self-cleaning house"

"All I want for Christmas is to be off the car extended warranty call list"

"All I want is a two-income household and to live alone"

"All I want is food, cuddles, attention and exercise. I'm basically a puppy"

"All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and more pay for not getting it done"

"All I want is my kids to go to sleep so I can watch shows with bad words and eat hidden snacks"

"All I want is peace, love, understanding, and a chocolate bar bigger than my head"

"All I want is someone to love me like I love coffee"

"All ice dispensers have only two settings: 1.No ice; 2.Holy Mother of God, that's too much ice!!!"

"All I'm saying is you've never seen me crying and drinking coffee at the same time"

"All I’m saying is you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time"

All Investments Gone (American International Group or AIG nickname)

"All lawyers are jerks" (lawyer joke)

"All men are created equal, and then a few become firefighters"

"All money is both 'hard' and 'easy' -- hard to get and easy to spend"

"All mothers were summoned when George Floyd called out for his momma"

"All mushrooms are edible, but some mushrooms are only edible once"

"All music is folk music. I ain't never heard a horse sing a song"

"All my life I have called it a cookie sheet and today I heard someone call it a cooking sheet"

"All my life I thought air was free...until I bought a bag of chips"

"All my passwords are protected by amnesia"

"All NYC subway stations are in the same building, there's just really long hallways"

"All of us could take a lesson from the weather -- it pays no attention to criticism"

"All of us stuck at home should call random numbers in India & ask about the extended car warranty"

"All organizations that are not actually right-wing will over time become left-wing"

"All our customers bring happiness. Some by coming, others by going"

"All our guests bring happiness. Some by coming, others by going"

"All our visitors bring happiness. Some by coming, others by going"

"All our waiters are married. They know how to take orders" (restaurant sign)

"All parents want is for our kids to go to bed so we can eat the hidden snacks"

"All people are born alike -- except Republicans and Democrats"

"All pets and some children must be kept on a leash" (sign)

"All politics is local"

"All porpoise flour is NOT dolphin safe"

"All pro athletes are bilingual; they speak English and profanity"

"All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors"

"All publicity is good publicity" ("There is no such thing as bad publicity")

"All-purpose flour has a limited number of uses"

"All roads that lead to success have to pass through Hard Work Boulevard at some point"

"All show and no go"

"All suspect milk is innocent until proven guilty in a quart of law"

"All that and a bag of chips" (intensifier of "all that")

"All that and a plate of fries" ("All that and a plate of chips")

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing"

"All the coffee in Colombia won't make me a morning person"

"All the gold in Fort Knox" (a large sum of money or riches)

"All the News That's Fit to Eat" (The Food Section)

"All the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair"

"All the scary things you claim would happen without the state are things that are currently..."

"All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening"

"All the young people today are stealing bus stop signs. Where do they get off?"

"All things are possible with coffee and mascara"

"All things are possible with coffee and a cute outfit"

"All things are possible with coffee and cowboy boots"

"All things are possible with tequila and lipstick"

"All things come to those who wait, but when they come they're out of date"

"All this anxiety better be burning calories"

"All those crosses along highways. Christians are terrible drivers"

"All we know about today is that coffee will be involved"

"All we know for certain about today is that coffee will be involved"

"All wine is mulled wine, if you think about it"

"All wine is mulled wine when you think about it"

"All work and no play will make you a manager"

"All You Can Eat"

"All you need for happiness is a good gun, a good horse, and a good wife"

"All you need in life are a few good friends and a few good drinks"

"All you need is a chip and a chair" (poker adage)

"All you need is love and a good cup of coffee"

"All you need is tea and warm socks" (winter saying)

"All you need is tea and warm socks" (winter saying)

"All you need to run is a pair of shoes" (running adage)

"Allagaroo!" (CCNY cheer)

Allergy Capital of the World (Austin nickname)

Allicin Wonderland (allicin + Alice in Wonderland)

Alligator Capital of Texas (Anahuac nickname)

Alligator in the sewers (urban myth)

Alligator Spread

"Allspice is only one spice"

"Allspice is the most arrogantly named spice"

Almighty Dollar

Almond Boneless Chicken (ABC)

"Almond Joy implies the existence of Almond Despair"

"Almond Joy implies the existence of Almond Sadness"

"Almond milk coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle"

"Almond milk is for baby almonds"

"Almonds are good for when I want to have a healthy snack and want to stop having twelve dollars"

Almost Broadcasting Company (ABC nickname)

"Alpha, Delta and Omicron walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

Alphabet City (East Village, Manhattan)

Alphabet City (Google/Alphabet Inc. in Chelsea)

Alphabet City (Google/Alphabet Inc. in Chelsea)

Alphabet Mafia

Alphabet Mafia (media companies)

Alphabet Network (ABC nickname)

Alphabet Soup

Alphabet Soup (agency names)

"Alphabet soup? More like Times New Ramen, am I right?"

"Alphabet spaghetti on toast is delicious. Spread the word"

Already Been Canceled (ABC nickname)

Already Been Cancelled (ABC nickname)

Alt Left

Alternate side of the street parking

"Alternative medicine that works is called medicine"

"Although COVID-19 spreads mostly via the mouth and nose, scientists now conclude..."

"Although Jesus was known as a Carpenter, he never actually sang on any of the albums"

Aluminati (aluminum + Illuminati, and jocularly associated with tinfoil hats)

"Always a Pleasure" (Nedick's)

"Always ask for a receipt because you never know when you'll need an alibi"

"Always Be Clicking" ("ABC" of the Internet)

"Always Be Closing" ("ABC" of selling)

"Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it"

"Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman. Then always be Batman"

"Always borrow money from a pessimist -- he doesn't expect to be paid back"

Always Broadcasting Crap (ABC nickname)

"Always buy a bigger bottle than you think you'll need. Better safe than sober"

"Always buy the bigger bottle... Better safe than sober"

"Always carry whiskey in case of snakebite -- furthermore, always carry a small snake"

"Always check, it may be mate" (chess adage)

"Always dress like it’s the best day of your life"

"Always get the big bottle. Better safe than sober"

"Always jingle all the way! Nobody likes a half-assed jingler"

"Always keep a bottle of tequila in the fridge for special occasions. You know, like Tuesday"

"Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Sometimes a special occasion..."

"Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know, like Monday"

"Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know, like Wednesday"

"Always keep tequila in the fridge for special occasions. Sometimes the special occasion is..."

Always Late In Takeoff, Always Late In Arrival (Alitalia backronymic nickname)

"Always look on the bright cider life"

"Always Open" (nyc.gov)

"Always pre-heat the oven before putting the meat in"

"Always preheat the oven before you put the meat in"

"Always Real, Always Harlem" (Coca-Cola slogan)

"Always remember, the first four letters in 'butter' is where it's gonna go"

Always Seek Knowledge ("ask" backronym)

Always Think Forfeiture (Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives or ATF nickname)

"Always together, never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart"

"Always writing my name in cursive is my signature move"

"Am I getting older or has the supermarket begun playing great music"

"Am I getting older or is the supermarket playing great music"

"Am I going to put the Christmas tree up myself? No, I'm going to put it up in the living room!"

"Am I perfect? No. But am I trying to be a better person? Also no"

"Am I supposed to ask for followers? Asking for a friend"

Amabot (Amazon.com employee nickname)

Amarilloan (inhabitant of Amarillo)

"Amateurs manage money by taking risk; professionals manage risk by taking money"

"Amateurs open the market, but professionals close it" (Wall Street adage)

"Amateurs talk strategy. Professionals talk logistics"

"Amateurs teach amateurs to be amateurs"

Amateursecco (amateur + Prosecco)

Amazin' Mets (Amazins)

"Amazon fire, Apple air, Google earth -- now it's time for Microsoft water"

"Amazon is basically Acme from the Roadrunner cartoons"

"Amazon trucks should play a jingle so we know they're coming"

"Amazon trucks should play a lil song so we know they’re coming"

"Amazon trucks should play a song just like the ice cream trucks do"

Amazon Washington Post (Washington Post nickname)

Amazonesia (Amazon + amnesia)

Amazonnesia (Amazon + amnesia)

Amber Alert

"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy"

"Ambition is for people who don't have enough sense to be lazy"

"Ambition is putting a ladder against the sky"

"Ambition is the first step to success. The second step is action"

"Ambition is the path to success. Persistence is the vehicle you arrive in"

Ambrosia

Ambulance Chaser

Ambulance Chasing

Amcrap (Amtrak nickname)

Amcrash (Amtrak nickname)

"Amen and awomen"

Amen Corner

"America: A nation of sheep, owned by pigs, ruled by wolves"

"America at this point in history is like the collapse of the Roman Empire but with WiFi"

"America is a healthy body; its resistance is its patriotism, morality and spiritual life"

"America is being conditioned to view freedom as selfishness"

"America is great because she is good"

"America is the best country in the nation"

"America is the first nation in history founded on an idea"

"America is the greatest country in the nation"

"America is the only country in the world where even people who hate it refuse to leave"

"America is the only country in the world where even those who hate it refuse to leave"

"America is where a young man can start at the bottom and work his way into a hole"

"America isn't the stupidest country in the world. Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest"

"America sure is having some bad luck. It's like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground"

"America: Texas and 49 bitches"

"America the Beautiful" (1902 revisions)

"America: The country so great that even its haters refuse to leave"

"America: The land where God saves and Satan invests" (anti-NRA slogan)

"America will never be destroyed from the outside"

"America will never forgive blacks for slavery"

"America without her soldiers would be like God without His angels"

Americagasm or Amerigasm (America + orgasm)

"American by birth. Patriot by choice"

"American cheese is just regular cheese that's not afraid to fight for freedom!"

"American chess players be like, 'That's a checkbro'"

American Chop Suey

American Communist Lawyers Union (American Civil Liberties Union nickname)

American Communist Lovers Union (American Civil Liberties Union nickname)

"American conservatives are pretty homophobic for people so proud of their four fathers"

American Crafts Festival; Autumn Crafts Festival

American Criminal Liberties Union (American Civil Liberties Union nickname)

American Criminal Lovers Union (American Civil Liberties Union nickname)

American Dream

American Exceptionalism

"American wasabi is just really spicy horseradish dyed green"

"American Idol can count 130 million votes during a commercial break. No excuse for this"

"American Idol can count 130 million votes in a commercial break. This is annoying"

American-in-Waiting

American-Jewish Plymouth Rock (Lower East Side)

American Moron Association (American Medical Association or AMA nickname)

American Morons Association (American Medical Association or AMA nickname)

American Murder Association (American Medical Association or AMA nickname)

American Murderers Association (American Medical Association or AMA nickname)

American Parasite (Candida nickname)

"American politics are played between the 40-yard lines"

American Pravda (Associated Press or AP nickname)

American Pravda (CNN nickname)

American Riviera

American Spring

American Stinker (American Thinker nickname)

"Americans are getting stringer. 20 years ago, it took two adults to carry $50 worth of groceries"

"Americans are getting stronger. 20 years ago, it took two people to carry $100 in groceries"

"Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago it took 2 people to carry $10 worth of groceries"

"Americans have more food to eat than any other people and more diets to keep them from eating it"

"Americans pay for gym memberships and for people to mow their lawns"

"Americans pay for gym memberships and for people to mow their lawns"

"Americans prefer houses with basements. They're best cellars"

"Americans talk dry, but drink sweet" (wine adage)

"Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic"

"America's chickens are coming home to roost"

America's Cup (Damon Runyon's "watching grass grow")

America's First Suburb (Brooklyn Heights)

"America's Labor Bank" (Amalgamated Bank)

America's Mad Playground (Coney Island)

America's Mayor

America's Most Interesting City (New Orleans nickname)

"America's Motor Lunch" & "A Tasty Meal Served at Your Wheel" (Pig Stand slogans)

America's National Credit Card

America's Sweethearts (Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders nickname)

America's Team (Dallas Cowboys)

Amerikkka or AmeriKKKa (America + Ku Klux Klan)

Ameritopia (America + utopia)

Ameritude (America + attitude)

Amero (proposed North American currency)

Amhole (Amazon.com employee nickname)

Ammosexual (ammo + sexual)

Amquack (Amtrak nickname)

Amsterdam: Carpet City (nickname)

"Amtrak implies the existence of Aretrak and Istrak"

Amtrak of the Sky (nickname of various airlines)

Amtrak Series or New Jersey Turnpike Series or I-95 Series or Liberty Series (Philadelphia vs. NY)

Amtrak with Wings (Delta Airlines nickname)

Amtrash (Amtrak nickname)

"An accountant is a man hired to explain that you didn't make the money you did"

"An accountant is someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had"

"An acid and a base walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"An acre of performance is worth a whole world of promise"

"An active mind cannot exist in an inactive body"

"An actor without a playwright is like a hole without a doughnut"

"An actuary is a someone who wanted to be an accountant, but didn't have the personality for it"

"An advertising agency is 85 per cent confusion and 15 per cent commission"

"An after-dinner speech -- 'Check, please'"

"An air mattress is great when you want to sleep on the floor, but not right away"

"An airplane doesn't make money sitting on the ground" (airline adage)

"An alcoholic is someone who drinks more than his doctor"

"An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do"

"An allusion walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"An alpaca had a parasite removed from around its mouth. It was alpaca lip tick"

"An amateur photographer worries about equipment..." (photography aphorism)

"An amnesiac walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"An anagramist walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"An anteater walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"An anti-Semite is someone who hates Jews more than is strictly necessary"

"An apology is a promise to do things differently next time, and to keep the promise"

"An aposiopesis walks into a -- " (bar joke)

"An apple a day is bullshit. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White..."

"An apple a day is nonsense. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White..."

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away"

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an onion a day keeps everybody away"

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit"

"An Apple fan walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"An apple for (the) teacher" (apple-polisher)

"An apple pie without the cheese is like a kiss without the squeeze"

An apple tree on every street (2013 movie explanation)

"An apple a day will keep anyone away, if thrown hard enough"

"An archaeologist is just a grave robber with a degree"

"An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject"

"An armed man is a free man"

"An armed man is a free man. An unarmed man is a slave"

"An armed man is a free man. An unarmed man is a subject"

"An armed man ran into a real estate agency and shouted, 'Nobody move!'"

"An armed society is a polite society"

"An army is like spaghetti -- you can pull it, but not push it"

"An aspect of democracy is the belief that everyone is expected to have an opinion on everything"

"An atheist is a man who buys a ticket to the Notre Dame-SMU game and doesn't care who wins"

"An athlete dies twice" (sports proverb)

"An attractive woman took a seat next to me at a bar..." (joke)

"An auditor is a watchdog, not a bloodhound"

"An Australian marsupial hops into a bar..." (bar joke)

"An easy way to make your water taste better is to simply add coffee"

"An economist finds something working in practice and wonders if it will work in theory"

"An economist is a man who knows tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today"

"An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible"

"An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's"

"An educated citizenry is a vital requisite for our survival as a free people"

"An Educated Consumer Is Our Best Customer" (Syms Clothing)

"An eel walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"An egg salad sandwich is still technically a chicken salad sandwich"

"An ego and a superego walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"An electrician arrives home at 3 a.m. His wife asks him, 'Wire you insulate?'"

"An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications"

"An elf walks into a bar. A dwarf walks under it" (bar joke)

"An elf walks into a bar. A hobbit walks under it" (bar joke)

"An email after 3pm on a Friday is next week's concern"

"An empty bottle walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"An empty fortune cookie is very unfortunate"

"An empty stomach is not a good political adviser"

"An engineer, a doctor and a priest are playing golf" (joke)

"An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician are all sleeping in a hotel..." (joke)

"An English teacher walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman don't walk into a bar" (bar joke)

"An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. Those were the days" (bar joke)

"An epidemiologist, an ICU doctor and a scientist all walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"An espresso martini is just a classy Four Loko"

"An espresso martini is just a Four Loko with a 401k"

"An espresso martini is the rich man’s Four Loko"

"An etymologist, an entomologist, and an etiologist walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"An executive is a man who makes quick decisions and is sometimes right"

"An exhaustive list of decisions I need the government to make for me: [blank lines]"

"An expensive laxative will give you a run for your money"

"An Experience at Every Table" (Benihana)

"An expert is a man who avoids the small errors as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy"

"An expert is a person who has made every possible mistake in a small field of study"

"An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less"

"An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame"

"An honest politician, a generous lawyer, and Santa Claus..." (joke)

"An ice cream man's success is literally defined by how well they can lure children"

"An ice cube is just a loaf of water"

"An idea is just a dream until you write it down, and then it's a goal"

"An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it"

"An ignorant thief robs a freight-car. An educated thief steals the whole railroad."

"An ill wind that nobody blows good" (musical instrument joke)

"An ill wind that nobody blows good" (musical instrument joke)

"An income is what you can't live without or within"

"An income tax form is like a laundry list—either way you lose your shirt"

"An incompetent lawyer can delay a trial for months. A competent lawyer can delay one even longer"

"An Indian flatbread currency would be naan cents"

"An infectious disease walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"An informed citizen will always be the biggest threat to the system"

"An infra-red photon walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"An inkjet cartridge walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"An insect landed on my soft French cheese, briefly"

"An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows"

"An Intimate Place to Learn, in the Heart of a Great City" (York Prep)

"An investment banker has good news and bad news" (joke)

"An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest"

"An investment portfolio is like a bar of soap; the more you touch it, the smaller it gets"

"An Irishman can argue either side of a question, often at the same time"

"An Irishman walks out of a bar" (bar joke)

"An IT guru walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"An Italian restaurant served pasta cooked out of the eighth circle of hell. It was al Dante"

An ocean on one side and New Jersey on the other.

"An odd day. Found a hat full of money, then got chased by a guy with a guitar"

"An old lady at the Indian restaurant said, 'Aren't you polite!' It was my complimentary nan"

"An omelet is just an egg quesadilla"

"An omelette is just an egg quesadilla"

"An onion will make you cry, but they never have invented a vegetable that will make you laugh"

"An onion will make you cry, but they never have invented a vegetable that will make you laugh"

"An opinion without 3.14 is just an onion"

"An optimist is a person who has no trouble seeing the bright side of your problems"

"An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day"

"An optimist laughs to forget and an pessimist forgets to laugh"

"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year"

"An ounce of behavior is worth a pound of words" (acting adage)

"An Oxford comma walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"An oxymoron walked into a bar..." (bar joke)

"An SEO copywriter walks into a bar, grill, pub, public house…” (bar joke)

"An SEO copywriter walks into a bar, grill, pub, public house..." (joke)

"An SQL query goes into a restaurant..." (joke)

"An SQL query walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"An unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it"

"An unemployed jester is nobody's fool"

"An utter waste is defined as a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats"

"An X-ray specialist married one of his patients. Everybody wondered what he saw in her"

Anadama Bread

"Analogy is not the study of buttholes"

"Anarchism is the radical notion that other people are not your property"

"Anarchism is the revolutionary idea that no one is more qualified than you are to decide your life"

"Anarchism is the revolutionary idea that you are not state property"

"Anarchism: The radical notion that other people are not your property"

"Anarchists of the world, unite!"

"Anarchists when they discover that they have a body part called the 'prostate'"

"Anarchists when they find out they have a prostate and not an antistate" (joke)

"Anarchists when they realize there's a part of their body called the 'prostate'" (joke)

"Anarchists when they realize they have an organ called the "prostate'" (joke)

"Anarcho-Tyranny -- the worst of both worlds"

"Anarchy doesn't mean chaos or disorder. It means freedom from an oppressive centralised authority"

"Anarchy doesn’t mean chaos or disorder, it means freedom from an oppressive centralized authority"

"Anarchy doesn't mean out of control. It means out of their control"

"Anarchy is better than no government at all"

"Anarchy is the radical notion that other people are not your property"

"Anarchy is the revolutionary idea that no one is more qualified than you are to decide your life"

Anchor Democrat (anchor baby + Democrat)

Anchorman or Anchor Man (America's Anchorman)

"... And all I got was this lousy T-shirt"

"And crown thy good Red Riding Hood" ("America the Beautiful" mondegreen)

"And crown thy good with Robin Hood" ("America the Beautiful" mondegreen)

"And gradually, though no one remembers exactly how it happened, the unthinkable becomes tolerable"

"And here we fucking go again. I mean, good morning"

"And in the end mankind used so much toilet paper, they wiped themselves out"

"And it's gone" (money quickly lost)

"And nobody got hurt!"

"And on the 8th day God made coffee" ("And on the eighth day God made coffee")

"And on the eighth day God made coffee" ("And on the 8th day God made coffee")

"And so ends another week without me becoming unexpectedly rich"

"And the donut just stood there with a glazed expression"

"And the horse you rode in on"

"And the Lord said unto John, 'Come forth and receive eternal life!'" (joke)

"...and then I was like, I'm just going to pour myself a bottle of wine and call it a day"

"And then the people said 'no.' The end"

"And to the republic for Richard Sands" (Pledge of Allegiance mondegreen)

"And to the republic for Richard Stands" (Pledge of Allegiance mondegreen)

"And to the republic for Richard Stans" (Pledge of Allegiance mondegreen)

"And to the republic for Richard Stanz" (Pledge of Allegiance mondegreen)

"And to the republic for witches dance" (Pledge of Allegiance mondegreen)

"And today's forecast... You gon' have swamp ass"

Angel Bond

Angel Food Cake (Angel Cake)

"Angel investors imply the existence of devil investors"

"Anger management classes are all the rage"

"Anger management courses are now all the rage"

Angry Lobster; Drunken Donuts

"Animal lovers don't eat animals"

"Animal rights are human rights"

"Animals are here with us, not for us"

"Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends"

"Animals belong in our hearts, not in our stomachs"

"Animals belong in our hearts, not our stomachs"

"Animals belong in your heart, not your stomach"

"Annoy a conservative -- think for yourself"

"Annoy a liberal -- work hard & be happy"

"Annoy a politician today -- THINK"

"Annual reminder that heart shaped pizza is less pizza for the same amount of money"

"Another beer bottle with no genie at the bottom. I'll keep looking"

"Another bourbon bottle with no genie at the bottom. I guess I will keep searching"

"Another day, another dollar"

"Another day has passed and I didn't use Algebra once"

"Another egg-scuse for chocolate"

"Another fine day ruined by responsibility"

"Another wine bottle emptied with no genie at the bottom. I'll keep trying"

"Another wine bottle with no genie in the bottom of it. I'll keep looking"

Antarctichoke or Antartichoke (Antarctica + artichoke)

Antartichoke or Antarctichoke (Antarctica + artichoke)

Anti-Christian Lawsuit Union (American Civil Liberties Union nickname)

Anti-Christian Lawyers Union (American Civil Liberties Union nickname)

Anti-Christian Liberals Union (American Civil Liberties Union nickname)

Anti-Christian Litigation Union (American Civil Liberties Union nickname)

Anti-Christian Litigation Unit (American Civil Liberties Union nickname)

Anti-Dollar (gold nickname)

Anti-Infective Vitamin (Vitamin A nickname)

"Anti-science is reading a notice on a mask box that it doesn't protect against viruses..."

Anti-Semitism

Anti-Social Distancing

Anti-Sterility Vitamin (Vitamin E nickname)

Anti-Stress Mineral (magnesium nickname)

Anti-Stress Vitamin (Pantothenic Acid or Vitamin B5 nickname)

Anti-fooder

Antimasker

Antique Media

Antiques Row or Antiques District (Atlantic Avenue)

Antisecco (anti + Prosecco)

Anti-vaccer (Antivaccer)

Anti-vaxer (Antivaxer)

Anti-vaxxer (Antivaxxer)

Antojitos ("little whims" or Mexican appetizers/snacks)

Antonette's Leap (Mount Bonnell in Austin)

Ants Climbing a Tree (Ma Yi Shang Shu or Mayishangshu)

Ants on a Log (Bugs on a Log)

"Ants on a log, floating down the river to the waterfall" (bureaucracy)

Any Body Can Dance ("ABCD" backronym)

"Any bug can hit the windshield, but it takes guts to stick"

"Any country with 'democratic' in the title isn't"

"Any golf course plays hard when the wind blows" (golf adage)

"Any government body that mandates something that they exempt themselves from..."

"Any government that wages psychological warfare on its own citizens..."

"Any guy who plays heavy metal at work is office rocker"

"Any jackass can kick a barn down, but it took a carpenter to build it" (Sam Rayburn)

"Any jar can be a swear jar if you can't open the lid"

"Any jar is a swear jar if you can't open the lid"

"Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except for abortion jokes. There is no delivery"

"Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the government take care of him..."

"Any party which takes credit for the rain must take blame for the drought"

"Any pie made with cannabis butter is technically a pot pie"

"Any room is a panic room if you have lost your phone in it"

"Any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough"

"Any sandwich is a panini if you sit on it"

"Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses"

"Any team can have a bad century" ("Anyone can have a bad century")

"Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed"

"Any wine can be a 'fine' wine if you drink enough of it"

"Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old, as long as she buys him a few drinks first"

"Any writing problem is a reporting problem"

"Anybody can make a baby, but you need a license to fish"

"Anybody can manage the Yankees"

"Anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?"

"Anybody know when Walmart is sending out W2s for self checkout?"

"Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography"

"Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop"

"Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire"

Anyone Can Come (Austin Community College/ACC nickname)

"Anyone can steer the ship in calm waters"

"Anyone can use my French Revolution joke. It's royalty free"

"Anyone else feel like Halloween is unnecessary this year? I've been wearing a mask..."

"Anyone else need their money facing the same way, right side up to prevent the world from exploding?"

"Anyone else starting to get a tan from the light in your refrigerator?"

"Anyone else think Pokémon characters Koffing and Weezing look similar to the Coronavirus?"

"Anyone else’s car getting 3 weeks to the gallon?" (quarantine joke)

"Anyone fell in love with me yet or do I gotta keep posting memes"

"Anyone know how much vodka goes in the mashed potatoes?"

"Anyone know how much vodka goes into scrambled eggs?"

"Anyone know what whiskey barrels are made of? Casking for a friend"

"Anyone trying to disarm you is not your friend"

"Anyone trying to disarm you is your enemy"

"Anyone who believes in exponential growth in a finite world is either a madman or an economist"

"Anyone who can't get drunk by midnight ain't tryin'" (Toots Shor)

"Anyone who ever worked at Twitter is now either an ex-employee or an X employee"

"Anyone who goes to see a psychiatrist should have his head examined"

"Anyone who lives within his means suffers from a lack of imagination"

"Anyone who plays heavy metal at work is office rocker"

"Anyone who says 'good morning' on a Monday is a sociopath"

"Anyone who says money can't buy happiness doesn't know where to shop"

"Anyone who says that alcohol is a depressant isn't drinking enough of it"

"Anything can happen in Brooklyn"

"Anything I don't like should be banned. Everything I like should be a human right..."

"Anything I say before coffee cannot be used against me"

"Anything is deductible until you're audited"

"Anything is popsicle when I'm with you"

"Anything recommended by a stoned person comes highly recommended"

"Anything recommended by a stoned person is highly recommended"

"Anything worth doing is worth doing for money"

"Anywhere you leave your remote control becomes a remote location"

"Apartment complex implies the existence of a togetherment simple"

"Apartments should be called togetherments"

Apizza

Apodment (pod + apartment)

Apoplithorismosphobia (fear of deflation)

Aporkalypse (apocalypse + pork)

App Economy

Appalachian Mountains: "Did you know apples are grown on a mountain? It's called the Apple-achian."

"Apparently, a cat has caught COVID-19. Don’t ask meow!"

"Apparently 'cheesecake & tacos' wasn’t the answer when he asked me about my weaknesses"

"Apparently 'cheesecake & tacos' wasn’t the answer when he asked me about my weaknesses"

"Apparently, I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving"

"Apparently it takes men longer to shop on the internet than at an actual store"

"Apparently 'just fuck me up' is not a proper coffee order at Starbucks"

"Apparently 'just fuck me up' is not an appropriate coffee order at Starbucks"

"Apparently, mime on mime violence is a real problem. You just don't hear about it"

"Apparently, rush hour starts the second I put my key in the ignition, no matter what time I leave"

"Apparently 'spite' is not an appropriate answer to 'What motivates you?'"

"Apparently, the clocks go back in November. I can't remember where I got mine from!"

"Apparently, the clocks go back in October. I can't remember where I got mine from!"

"Apparently 'the vibes are off' isn’t a good excuse to leave work early"

"Apparently you have to eat healthy more than once to get in shape. This is cruel and unfair"

"Appetizers imply the existence of deappetizers"

"Appetizers should really be called deappetizers because they make you less hungry"

Appetizing Store ("Appy")

Apple Annie & Apple Mary

Apple Awards (Guides Association of New York City)

Apple Awards (Guides Association of New York City, 2015-present)

Apple Bank for Savings (originally Haarlem Savings Bank)

Apple Bank (renamed from Harlem Savings Bank, 1983-present)

Apple Cider Donut (Apple Cider Doughnut)

"Apple cider is winter lemonade"

"Apple comes up" or "Feel the apple" or "Take the apple" (to choke; from Adam's apple)

"Apple" defined in Cab Calloway’s "Hepster’s Dictionary" (1938, 1944)

"Apple farmers in upstate New York were involved in cider trading"

"Apple is the default fruit"

Apple Jack Downing (cocktail)

"Apple" lyric in the Michael Jackson song "Human Nature" (1982)

"Apple" lyric in the Michael Jackson song "Human Nature" (1982)

Apple -- New York State Symbol (2007)

"Apple: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes"

"Apple orchards, autumn skies, hot chocolate, and pumpkin pies"

Apple-picking (theft of Apple products)

Apple Pie Logs & Pizza Logs

Apple-Pie Order

Apple Pie Trail (Blue Mountains, Ontario; Orange County, NY)

Apple Polisher & Polish the Apple (I Love a Clean New York campaign, 1976-1980)

Apple Store (2000s)

Apple Week

Applejack

Applely Ever After

Apples a la Manhattan (Pommes a la Manhattan)

Apples and Horses

"Apples are tastier when you cut them into slices"

"Applesauce is not a sauce. It's a purée"

"Applesauce is the apple version of mashed potatoes"

Applesauce or Apple Sauce (slang for "nonsense")

Appley Ever After (Apple-y Ever After)

April 1st & the Bronx Zoo (Telephone Hoax)

"April 1st: the only day people critically evaluate things on the internet before believing them"

"April Fools' Day. Believe nothing and trust nobody. Just like any other day"

"April Fools' Day is over. Everything on the internet is true again!"

"April Fool's Day is the one day of the year when people critically evaluate news articles"

"April is the kindest month. April gets you out of your head and out working in the garden"

"April showers bring May mud"

"April showers bring May mud puddles"

"April showers bring mud"

"April showers bring mud puddles"

"Aprons are just adult bibs"

AQUA (Ascan Avenue/Queens Boulevard/Union Turnpike/Austin Street in Forest Hills)

Aquacise (aqua + exercise)

Aquacycling

Aquemuck (Aqueduct racetrack scandal)

"AR -- means the gun was manufactured in Arkansas" (joke)

Arabic Amenity (hotel tray of dates, dried fruit and nuts)

Arachibutyrophobia (fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of one's mouth)

"Arán is Irish for bread. It's gaelic bread"

Arbageddon (arbitrage + Armageddon)

Arbuckle (coffee)

"Archaeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins"

"Archaeologists are just grave robbers with a degree"

"Architects cover their mistakes with ivy"

"Architecture is a great profession, but a horrible business"

Archtober (architecture + October)

"Are abbreviations in sign language called 'shorthand'?"

"Are birth control pills tax-deductible?"/"Only if they don't work."

"Are donuts made out of hole wheat?"

"Are Girl Scout cookies made from real Girl Scouts?"

"Are locksmiths key workers?"

"Are monsters good at math?"/"No, unless you Count Dracula."

"Are people born with a photographic memories or does it take time to develop?"

"Are there a lot of first-person singular objective pronouns, or is it just me?"

"Are there any countries that tax their citizens and send some of it to Americans?"

"Are those chopsticks in your pocket or are you just happy sashimi?"

"Are we having some drinks, or are we having some dranks? I need to dress accordingly"

"Are we really going to let a bunch of greedy selfish fools do-in this whole planet?"

"Are we still allowed to leave Santa milk and cookies? Or is that considered indoor dining now?"

"Are we still allowed to play pool....since we use a white ball to hit the colored balls"

"Are we there yet?"

"Are we there, Yeti?"

"Are you a banana? Because I found you a peeling!"

"Are you a cajun chef? Cause I wanna bayou dinner"

"Are you a pie maker? Cause you make my banana cream." (dirty joke)

"Are you a pole vaulter?"/"No. I am German but how did you know my name was Walter?"

"Are you allowed to eat alphabet soup at a spelling bee?"

"Are you allowed to go into Starbucks if you don't have an Instagram account?"

"Are you allowed to go to Starbucks if you don’t have an Instagram account?"

"Are you an N95 mask? Cause I want you on my face" (pickup line)

"Are you chewing gum?"/"Do I look like chewing gum to you?"

"Are you coffee because I've bean thinking about you a latte"

"Are you free tonight or will it cost me?" (pick-up line)

"Are you from Harvard and can't count, or from MIT and can't read?" (supermarket checkout joke)

"Are you putting the Christmas tree up yourself?"/"No, I'm going to put it up in the living room!"

"Are you ready to rock...paper, scissors?"

"Are you supposed to tip the waiters here?" (joke)

"Are you watching too much TV, but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on. Problem solved"

"'Are your arms tired from holding five pieces of paper? You need a podium!' (podium salesman)"

"Area 51 is where they keep all of the Walmart cashiers"

"Aren't all books text books?"

Aren't Ready for the Marines Yet ("army" backronym)

"Aren't you supposed to call a doctor if your election lasts this long?"

Arepa ("Arepa Lady")

Arepera or Areperia (place that sells arepas)

"Arguing on the internet is like competing in the Special Olympics..."

"Arguing on the internet is like running in the Special Olympics..."

"Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement -- just click on 'I agree'"

Aristocrat of Harlem (Cotton Club nickname)

Aristocrat of the Village (Barney Gallant's nickname)

Arizona: "In Arizona we salt margaritas, not sidewalks"

"Arizona Tea is the adult version of Capri Sun"

Arizona: Valentine State (nickname)

Arkansas: "Arkansas is just Kansas for pirates"

Arkansas: "Arkansas is the only state mentioned in the Bible" (joke)

Arkansas: Bear State (nickname)

Arkansas: Land of Opportunity (nickname)

Arkansas: The Natural State (nickname)

Arkansas: Toothpick or Toothpicker (nickname)

Arkansas: Wonder State (nickname)

Arklatex (Ark-La-Tex, ArkLaTex, also Arklatexoma)

Arlingtonian (inhabitant of Arlington)

Arlingtonite (inhabitant of Arlington)

Armadillo Droppings (praline candy)

Armadillo Eggs (stuffed jalapeños)

Armchair Isolationism (Armchair Isolationist)

Armchair Quarterback (Armchair Quarterbacking)

"Arms are for hugging" (anti-nuke, gun control slogan)

"Arms change. Rights don't"

"Army Wife: Toughest job in the Army"

Arnold Palmer or Half-and-Half (lemonade + iced tea)

"Around Christmas, the Fanta company should send out a 'Fanta Claus' who gives out free soda"

"Around the corner where fudge is made" (the buttocks; the bathroom)

Arrestable (protester predetermined to be arrested)

"Arrive early, be the last to leave and kick ass all fucking day"

"Arrogance is ignorance matured"

"Arroz by any other name would go well with enchiladas"

"Arroz by any other name would smell as wheat"

"Arroz by any other name would smell like rice"

"Art is how we decorate space. Music is how we decorate time"

"Art teachers tell you there's no right or wrong in art, then tell you you're wrong"

"Arthur Murray Taught Me Dancing in a Hurry" (1942)

"Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do)" (1981)

"Artichoke hearts imply the existence of artichoke atria and artichoke ventricles"

"Artichoke is the lobster of vegetables"

"Artichoke is the vegetarian's lobster"

"Artichokes are only grown in the northern hemisphere. Otherwise they're known as Antarctichokes"

"Artichokes imply the existence of antartichokes"

"Artichokes imply the existence of artiswallowwithoutincidents"

"Artichokes imply the existence of literaturechokes and sciencechokes"

Arugulance (arugula + arrogance)

"As a child: 'You're grounded.' As an adult: 'Your package will be delivered between 8 am and 6 pm'"

"As a kid, did you ever knock on people’s doors and run away before they answered?" (UPS joke)

"As a rule, I don't drink -- as a habit, I do"

"As a wheat farmer, I keep having headaches, but my doctor insists it's just my grains"

"As American as apple pie"

"As an adult, checking the bank account is the equivalent of checking for monsters under the bed"

"As cool as the other side of the pillow"

"As crooked as Pearl Street"

"As goes South Texas, so goes the U.S. crop"

"As goes Walmart, so goes America"

"As government expands, liberty contracts"

"As government grows, liberty decreases"

"As happy as a clam"

"As I get older, I remember all the people I've lost. Maybe a tour guide career wasn't for me"

"As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself you can't trust Google Maps"

"As I watch this generation try to rewrite history, one thing I'm sure of.... it will be misspelled"

"As Iowa goes, so goes Iowa" (Iowa caucus as bellwether)

"As it turns out, 93% of my personality was coffee"

"As it turns out, 93% of my personality was just coffee"

"As January goes, so goes the year" or "January Barometer" (Wall Street proverb)

"As long as there are final exams, there will be prayer in schools"

"As long as we have wine, the holidays will be fine"

"As mad as a hornet" ("Madder than a hornet")

"As Maine goes, so goes the nation"

"As safe as the Bank of England"

"As seen on TV" (advertising catchphrase)

"As soon as I put on my hospital gown, I knew the end was in sight"

"As soon as they put me in a hospital gown, I knew my end was in sight"

"As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something"

"As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something"

As Stoned As Possible (ASAP)

"As summer approaches, do we dig out our shorts or cut the legs off our pajamas?"

"As sure as a nectarine ain’t nothing but a bald-headed peach"

"As sure as God made little green apples"

"As the days get longer, the cold gets stronger" (weather proverb)

"As useful as an astray on a motorcycle" (not useful)

"As useless as the 'ea' in 'tea'"

"As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party"

"As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way"

"ASAP -- Always Stop And Pray"

"Ash heap of history" ("Scrap heap of history," "Garbage heap of history," "Dustbin of history")

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Life's a bitch, a drink is a must"

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, life's a bitch and beer's a must"

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Life's a bitch and coffee's a must"

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Life's a bitch, and vodka's a must"

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. When life's a bitch, whiskey's a must"

Asian Wall Street (San Gabriel Valley, CA)

Asiantation (Asian + orientation)

"Ask a basketball player for change of $1, get 75 cents back because no fourth quarter"

"Ask an atheist who's just had a great meal if he believes there's a cook"

"Ask for money and you get advice; ask for advice and you get money"

"Ask not why the children shouldn’t see drag queens; ask why drag queens crave an audience..."

"Ask your doctor if a drug with 32 pages of side effects is right for you"

"Ask your doctor if medical advice from a television commercial is right for you"

"Asked for a medium roast at Starbucks and the barista made fun of me instead"

"Asking a writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp post how it feels about dogs"

"Asking government to fix government is like asking cancer to cure cancer"

Asphalt Capital of the World (Talco nickname)

"Aspire to inspire before you expire"

Aspirin Alley (Broadway)

Assassiversary (assassination + anniversary)

"Assault is a behavior, not a device"

Associated Depressed (Associated Press nickname)

Associated Propaganda (Associated Press or AP nickname)

Asstros (Houston Astros baseball team unofficial nickname)

"Assume you have a can opener" (economics joke about opening a food can)

AssWhole Foods (Whole Foods nickname)

"Asthma Alley"

Astor House Rolls; Roast Beef "a la Astor House"

Astoria Borealis (Astoria, Queens + Aurora Borealis)

Astorian (inhabitant of Astoria, Queens)

Astorperious or Asterperious (from "Astor")

"Astronaut 1: I can't find any milk. Astronaut 2: In space, no one can. Here, use cream"

"Astronauts use Linux because you can't open Windows in space"

"Astronomy is way over my head"

Astroturf (Astroturfing)

Asylum Street (Guadalupe Street nickname in Austin)

"At 12:01 am on January 1, for the first time ever, hind sight will actually be 2020"

"At first, I couldn’t believe that vodka is made from fucking potatoes..."

"At GM, you form a committee on snakes, then hire a consultant..." (Ross Perot)

"At least my coffee won't get cold in hell"

"At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song"

"At LOTR 150, Professor Gandalf is kind of a jerk. He opened the class with, 'YOU SHALL NOT PASS!'"

"At my age, 'getting lucky' means having coffee without interruption"

"At my age, I don't even buy green bananas"

"At my house, we pray after we eat"

"At my new job, I have hundreds of people under me. I mow the grass at the cemetery"

"At my next job, I’m gonna to lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want..."

"At no point in history have the people forcing others into compliance been the good guys"

"At some point we need to quit asking who needs to pay more taxes and focus on where it's going"

"At some point you will find someone who is obsessed with you and wants all your time..."

"At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"At the gym, I decided to hop on a treadmill. Got weird looks, so I started jogging instead"

"At the start of every disaster movie there's a scientist being ignored"

"At the start of this new year, I am leaving my past behind me. So if I owe you some money..."

"At the store there was a big X by the register for me to stand on..." (joke)

"At the stroke of midnight, Neil wept softly, cradling the sour cream as it expired"

"At the supermarket, I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode" (joke)

"At the university, I made videos of urine at different resolutions. I even got a pee HD"

"At this point, conspiracy theories might as well be called spoiler alerts"

"At this point, either your blood is boiling or it is clotting"

"At this point, I don't know if coffee is a hobby or survival instinct"

"At this point, I only trust people who have been canceled, banned, deleted or have been in fb jail"

"At this point, I would feel safer if coronavirus held a press conference..."

"At this point, I’d feel safer if COVID-19 held a press conference..."

"At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go"

"At this point, we’re just working for gas money to go to work"

"At this point, your blood is either boiling or clotting"

"At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?"

"At what stage of home schooling do we send the school a letter asking for donations..."

"At work, a coffee machine always gets fixed faster than a printer"

"At work, when you don’t know what to do, just walk fast and look worried"

"Ate a box of Thin Mints. Didn't get thinner. I don't think they work"

"Ate my last piece of cheese yesterday. Today it’s raining. Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone"

Athenian (inhabitant of Athens, Texas)

Athens of Texas (nickname of many Texas cities)

Atlantic Antic

"ATM fees are the bank's way of making you buy back your own money"

"ATMs are pressed for cash"

Atomic Buffalo Turds or ABTs (bacon-wrapped stuffed jalapeños)

Atomic Deer Turds

Attaboy

"Attack each day with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind"

Attention-Interest-Desire-Action ("AIDA" of marketing)

"Attention Thieves: Please carry ID so we can notify next of kin"

"Attila walks into a quaint Southern diner. Waitress says, 'What can I get you, Hun?'"

"Attract what you expect. Reflect what you desire. Become what you respect. Mirror what you admire"

ATX (Austin nickname)

"Auctioneers are the original rappers"

"Auctions are the one place you can get something for nodding"

"Audio engineers give sound advice"

Audrey Munson (New York's "Civic Fame" and "Miss Manhattan," San Francisco's "World's Fair Girl")

"August already? September is practically next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume"

"August is just gold wind"

"August is like the Sunday of summer"

"Auld lang syne implies the existence of auld lang cosyne and auld lang tangynt"

Auld Mug (America's Cup trophy nickname)

Aunt Chovie ("anchovy" pun)

Aunt Chovy ("anchovy" pun)

Aunt Jane (an unsophisticated investor)

Aunt Millie (an unsophisticated investor)

Aunt Sally's Boutique (Salvation Army nickname)

Aunt Samantha (wife of Uncle Sam)

Aunt Sammy (sister of Uncle Sam)

Aurophobia (fear of gold)

Austerian (austerity + Austrian school of economics)

Austerical (austerity + hysterical)

Austex or AusTex or Aus-Tex (Austin, Texas)

Austin Comical (Austin Chronicle nickname)

Austin: It's what the rest of the country had in mind (Austin slogan)

"Austin Powers walks into a bar...." (bar joke)

Austin (summary)

Austinite (cocktail)

Austinite (inhabitant of Austin)

Austinpreneur (Austin + entrepreneur)

Austintatious (Austin-tatious)

"Australians are just British Texans"

Australita

"Author! Author!" (audience shout)

Author's Row (Jane Street in West Village, Manhattan)

"Auto-correct walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

"Auto racing, bullfighting, and mountain climbing are the only real sports -- all others are games"

Auto Show

"Autocomplete is the bake of my existence"

"Autocorrect and I have a love hat relationship"

"Autocorrect can be your worst enema"

"Autocorrect is the bake of my existence"

"Autocorrect makes me type things I didn't Nintendo"

Autograt (automatic gratuity)

Autohoaxer; Autohoaxing

Automat (or, Automated Restaurant)

Automobile Row

"Autumn came, with wind and gold"

"Autumn carries more gold in its pocket than all the other seasons"

"Autumn in New York" (1934)

"Autumn is a season followed immediately by looking forward to spring"

"Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower"

"Autumn is my favorite color"

"Autumn leaves a smile on my face"

"Autumn leaves and pumpkins, please"

"Autumn skies and pumpkin pies"

"Autumn skies and pumpkin pies"

"Autumn, the year's last, loveliest smile"

Avenue of Architecture (Eighth Avenue)

Avenue of Heroes; Canyon of Heroes

"Average gumbo is only medi-okra"

Avinunca (Avianca nickname)

"Avocado salsa is just guacamole"

Avocado Toast

"Avocado Toast + Mole Sauce = Avogadro Toast"

"Avocados are fruits. Guacamole is avocado jam"

Avodog (avocado + hot dog)

Avogadro Toast (Avogadro constant + avocado toast)

"Avoid any food that has a TV commercial"

"Avoid fruits and nuts -- you are what you eat"

"Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers on high"

"A&W stands for Amburgers and Woot Beer"

"Always ask for a receipt. You may need an alibi"

"Awe shit man. I thought ASAP meant As Stoned As Possible"

"Awesome has a flavor and its name is coffee"

Awesome Sauce

"Awesome sauce is probably the condiment that goes on cool beans"

Awful Broadcasting Company (ABC nickname)

Awful House (Waffle House nickname)

Axe (bad financial asset)

Aztec Soup or Aztec Tortilla Soup (Sopa Azteca)

Aztec Two-Step (traveler's diarrhea)

"B.A., Buenos Aires, Big Apple" (Evita musical, 1978)

B-Boy or B-Girl (Bronx Boy/Girl or Break Boy/Girl)

"B.C. stands for 'Before Coffee'"

B-Dubs (Buffalo Wild Wings nickname)

"B.A., Buenos Aires, Big Apple" (Evita musical, 1978)

Babka (Bobka)

"Baby carrots imply the existence of adult carrots"

"Baby carrots imply the existence of daddy carrots"

"Baby carrots imply the existence of parent carrots"

"Baby, do you need toilet paper? Because I can be your Prince Charmin" (pickup line)

Baby Raddle/Rattle (chocolate and rainbow sprinkles)

Baby Ruth (candy bar)

"Baby Yoda implies the existence of a Sporty Yoda, Scary Yoda, Ginger Yoda, and Posh Yoda"

Babycino or Babyccino (baby + cappuccino)

Babyhorns or Baby Horns (young Texas Longhorns players)

Babylon on the Make

Bacardi Big Apple

Bacardi Big Apple (apple-flavored rum, 2005)

Bachelor of Fuck All (Bachelor of Fine Arts or BFA backronym)

Back Door Sweep

"Back in my day, it was a game of dodgeball where you found out who really didn't like you"

"Back in my day, the only time we started panic buying was when the bartender yelled 'last call'"

"Back in my day...there was so much toilet paper, people used to string it up in the trees"

"Back in my day...there was so much toilet paper, people were stringing it up in the trees"

"Back in the Big Apple" (The Real Housewives of New York City episode, 2021)

"Back in the mix like Chex"

Back Page (East Flatbush, Brooklyn)

Back Page (East Flatbush, Brooklyn nickname)

"Back in the Big Apple" (Where Has Tommy Flowers Gone? play, 1971)

"Back to the drawing board" (starting over after failure)

"Back to the salt mines"

Backdoor Sweep

Backpack Journalism; Backpack Journalist

"Backpacking: An extended form of hiking in which people carry double the amount of gear they need"

Backstop

"Bacon alone can't solve all our problems That's what bourbon is for!"

"Bacon alone can't solve all our problems. That's what whiskey is for"

Bacon and Eggs

"Bacon and eggs walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

"Bacon bits are essentially pig sprinkles"

"Bacon is 73% fat and very salty. Me too, bacon. Me too"

"Bacon is healthier than crystal meth"

"Bacon is meat candy"

"Bacon is red. Bacon is rough. One strip of bacon is never enough"

"Bacon is the candy of meat"

"Bacon is the duct tape of food"

"Bacon Mac 'n' Cheese is basically just trashy Carbonara"

"Bacon makes it better" ("Bacon makes everything better")

"Bacon Strip" District

Baconalia (bacon + bacchanalia)

Baconify

Baconize

Bacontrepreneur (bacon + entrepreneur)

"Bacteria multiply when they divide"

"Bacteria: rear entrance to a cafeteria"

"Bad companies make for good trades" (Wall Street adage)

"Bad handwriting is actually a security feature"

"Bad kicking is bad football" (Australian rules football adage)

Bad News Bear (Bear Stearns nickname)

Bad News (nickname for the restaurant check)

"Bad numbers are harder to add up than good ones" (accounting adage)

"Bad politicians are elected by good citizens who don't vote"

"Bad puns on St. Patrick's Day don't just shame you. They Seamus all"

"Bad Salad: Sad Ballad" (spoonerism)

"Bad Seed in the Big Apple" (Beyblade episode, 2003)

"Bad traders don't make profits — they only take out short-term loans from the market"

"Bad weather always looks much worse through a window"

Badgehole (SXSW festival nickname)

"Badminton implies the existence of goodminton"

"Badminton implies the existence of Goodminton and Alrightminton"

"Badminton is still better than worseminton" ("Badminton > Worseminton")

Badvertising (bad + advertising)

"Bae = bacon and eggs"

Bag Lady

Bag of Mystery (sausage)

Bagdad-on-the-Subway

Bagel; Bagel & Lox; Bagel "All the Way"; Everything Bagel

Bagel Ball (Bantam Bagel)

Bagel Beach (Seventh Avenue between 53rd and 54th Streets)

Bagel Beach (sidewalk in front of the Stage Delicatessen)

Bagel Land

"Bagels are just boring donuts"

"Bagels are just boring doughnuts"

"Bagels are just bread jerky"

"Bagels are just breakfast donuts"

"Bagels are just healthy donuts"

"Bagels are just healthy doughnuts"

"Bagels are just savory donuts"

"Bagels are just savory doughnuts"

"Bagels are just savoury donuts"

"Bagels are just savoury doughnuts"

"Bagels are just vehicles for cream cheese"

"Bagels are to donuts as muffins are to cupcakes"

Baghdad-on-the-Bayou (New Orleans nickname)

Baghdad-on-the-Bayou (Houston nickname)

Bagnut or Dogel (bagel + donut)

"Baguettes are just bread jerky"

Bail-In

Bailout

Bait and Switch

Baja Oklahoma

Bake-Off

Bake Sale

Baked Alaska

Baked Apple (New York City with legalized marijuana)

Baked Bads (opposite of "baked goods")

Baked Evils (opposite of "baked goods")

"Baked goods implies the existence of baked bads"

"Baked goods implies the existence of baked evils"

"Baked goods imply the existence of baked bads"

"Baked goods imply the existence of baked evils"

"Baked in the cake" (built into the price or system)

Bakery

"Baking cakes can be considered math, science or art"

"Baking cakes can be considered math, science or art" (for homeschooling)

"Baking is mostly just gluing broken plants back together with eggs"

Baking Powder

Baking Soda

"Baklava implies the existence of bakmagma"

"Baklava is just dessert lasagna"

Balance Sheet Close (sales technique)

Balance Sheet Recession

Baldie or Baldy (pretzel without salt)

Baleada (Honduran burrito)

Balkan Burger (pljeskavica)

"Ball is life"

Ball Orchard (Big Ball Orchard in the South Bronx = Yankee Stadium)

"Ballantine Blast" (Ballantine Beer)

Ballers' Paradise (Barclays Center nickname)

"Ballers want to be rappers, and rappers want to be ballers" (sports adage)

Balloon Juice (seltzer or soda water)

Balloon Wrangler

Balloonicle (balloon + float)

Ballot Harvesting

Ballotocracy (ballot + -ocracy)

Ballpark Estimate (Ball Park Estimate; Ball Park Figure)

Ballpark Figure (Ball Park Figure; Ball Park Estimate)

Baloney Boulevard (Broadway)

Baloney Dollar

Baloney (nonsense)

Baltimore chop (baseball term)

BAMBI (Beyond Allen Manhattan Bridge Intersection)

Ban Collie Day (bank holiday)

"Ban pre-shredded cheese. Make America grate again!"

"Ban pre-shredded cheese. Make America grate again!"

Banana Ball (golf)

Banana Balls (crazy)

"Banana bread is technically fruitcake"

Banana Breeze (pie)

"Banana nut bread? I didn't know bananas could do that!"

Banana Oil (slang for "nonsense")

Banana Republic

Banana Split

Bananageddon (banana + Armageddon)

"Bananas are fruit sausage"

"Bananas are healthier than crystal meth"

"Bananas are just fruit sausages"

"Bananas are just jungle sausages"

"Bananas are just tree sausages"

"Bananas are just vegan sausages"

"Bananas are just vegetarian sausages"

"Bananas are just yellow sausages"

"Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world"

"Bananosecond: The time between slipping on a banana peel and hitting the pavement"

Banco Unpopular (Banco Popular nickname)

Bandbox (Bronx Bandbox=New Yankee Stadium)

Bandit Signs (Street Spam; Vertical Litter; Snipe Signs; Stuff On a Stick or SOS)

Bandits' Roost (59 Mulberry Street)

Bandwich (sandwich provided for a band)

"Bang for the buck"

Bang Point

Bánh Mì (Vietnamese sandwich)

"Bank account empty like my soul"

"Bank account looking like everybody getting a text message for Christmas"

"Bank account: There's food at home"

Bank Holiday

Bank of Amerika or Bank of Amerikkka (Bank of America nickname)

Bank of Apartheid (Bank of America nickname)

Bank of Assholes (Bank of America nickname)

Bank of Crooks and Criminals International (Bank of Credit and Commerce International nickname)

Bank of Failmerica (Bank of America nickname)

Bank of Japandemonium (Bank of Japan + pandemonium)

Bank of Mom and Dad

Bank Run ("run on the bank")

Bank Speak

Bank to the Stars (City National Bank nickname)

Bankageddon (bank + Armageddon)

Bankenstein (bank + Frankenstein monster)

Bankercide (banker + homicide/suicide)

Bankerette (female banker)

"Bankers do it with interest"

Bankers' Hours

Bankers' Row

Bankism (Central Bankism)

Bankocracy

"Banks are cloud storage for your money"

Banksta (Bankstaz or Bankstas)

Bankster (banker + gangster)

Bankster of America (Bank of America nickname)

Banktatorship (bank + dictatorship)

Banktocracy

Banned Parenthood (Planned Parenthood nickname)

Banner State (Texas nickname)

Banoconut (banana + coconut) Cream Pie

Banxodus (bank + exodus)

Baogel (cha siu bao + bagel)

Baptist tea (beer, disguised without foam)

"Baptists don't recognize each other at the liquor store" (joke)

"Bar & Bra. Same letters, different words, but both keep men waiting eagerly till they open"

Bar Chef

Barbarous Relic (gold nickname)

Barbecue

Barbecue Capital of Texas (Lockhart nickname)

Barbecue Crabs (BBQ Crabs)

"Barbecue is as old as fire"

"Barbecue sauce is just sexy ketchup"

"Barbecue sauce is like a beautiful woman. If it's too sweet, it's bound to be hiding something"

"Barbecue sauce is the evolved form of ketchup"

Barbecue Sauce & Steak Sauce

Barbecue Syndrome (Hamburger Disease: Barbecue Season Syndrome; Backyard Barbecue Syndrome)

Barbecuedom

"Barbecuing waters my mouth. I wonder if the same thing happens to vegans when they mow the lawn"

Barbecusation (barbecue + accusation)

"Barbers are just hair gardeners"

Barclays Bank=Wank (Barclays Bank rhyming slang)

Barclays Center Classic (Brooklyn Hoops)

BarCrap (Barclays Capital or BarCap nickname)

Barefoot Pilgrim

Barfly

Bargain District (Orchard Street)

Barista

Barista Elbow (Barista Wrist)

"Barista implies the existence of a baristo"

"Baristas have to deal with people before they've had their morning coffee"

Baristo (suggested term for a male barista)

Barkery (bark + bakery)

Barnes and Ignoble (Barnes & Noble nickname)

Barnes Dance

Barns and No Bull (Barnes & Noble nickname)

(Barnum's) Animal Crackers

"Baroque (adj.): when you're out of Monet"

"Barrel of fun" (a lot of fun)

"Barrel of laughs" (a lot of laughs)

"Bars need to do a sad hour with even cheaper drinks and everyone just acts cool if you cry a lil"

Barstro (bar + bistro)

Bartender

Bartender's Ketchup (St. Germain elderflower liqueur nickname)

Bartoonist (bar + cartoonist)

Baseball Capital of Texas (Brenham nickname)

Baseball cards (Queens)=Tickets (Brooklyn)

"Baseball doesn't sound anywhere near as exciting as acidball"

"Baseball implies the existence of acidball"

"Baseball implies the existence of cringeball"

"Baseball is a game of adjustments"

"Baseball is ninety percent mental, and the other half is physical"

"Baseball is the first sport. The Bible says, 'In the big inning...'"

"Baseball is the only sport you can play with food in your mouth"

"Baseball is the only sport you can play with food in your mouth"

"Baseball is weird"

"Baseball is wrong. A man with 4 balls cannot walk"

"Baseball is wrong. A man with four balls cannot walk"

"Baseball must be a great game to survive the people who run it"

Baseball's Cathedral (Yankee Stadium)

Baseball's Home Office (Yankee Stadium)

"Based on my calculations, I can retire about 5 years after I die"

Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth ("Bible" backronym)

Basketball (Basket Ball)

"Basketball is a game of runs"

Basketball Mecca (Madison Square Garden nickname)

Basketball on Grass (football spread offense)

Basque Barbecue (Basque Barbeque)

Bass Capital of Texas (Mount Pleasant nickname)

Bastropian (inhabitant of Bastrop)

Bat Bridge (Ann W. Richards Congress Avenue Bridge in Austin)

Bat City (Austin nickname)

Bat Mitzvah

"Bath salts imply the existence of bath peppers"

"Bath salts? What about bath peppers?! Heh!"

"Bathroom is for eating customers only" (restaurant sign)

Batini (official Austin cocktail)

"Batman doesn’t cover his whole face because he needs the police to know he’s white"

Battery Acid (coffee)

Battle for the Iron Skillet (SMU Mustangs vs. TCU Horned Frogs)

Battle of New York (New York Islanders vs. New York Rangers)

Battle of the Badges (Fire vs. Police)

Battle of the Bands (Savoy Ballroom)

Battle of the Boroughs (between New York City sports teams)

Battle of the Brazos (Baylor Bears vs. Texas A&M Aggies)

Battle of the 'Burbs (Long Island Nets vs. Westchester Knicks)

Battle of the Hudson River or Hudson River Rivalry (New Jersey Devils vs. New York Rangers)

Battle of the Hudson River or Hudson River Rivalry (New Jersey Nets vs. New York Knicks)

Battlefield of Ideas (War of Ideas; Marketplace of Ideas)

Battleground State

Batty Boro (Brooklyn)

Batty Borough (Brooklyn, home of the baseball-batty Dodgers)

Baumol's Disease (Baumol's Cost Disease; Baumol Effect; Baumol's Curse)

Bawnd (bond)

Bay Breeze (cocktail)

Bay Ridger (inhabitant of Bay Ridge, Brooklyn)

Baylor Bubble

Bayou City (Houston nickname)

Baysider (inhabitant of Bayside, Queens)

Baytowner (inhabitant of Baytown)

Baytownian (inhabitant of Baytown)

BBQ; Bar-B-Que; Q

"BBQ, beer, freedom"

"BBQ is delicious. Blueberries are tart. If y'all don't love Texas, well bless your heart"

"BBQ is good. Blueberries are tart. If you don't like Texas, well bless your heart"

"BBQ is tasty. Blueberries are tart. If you don't like Texas, well bless your heart"

BBQ people (Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens)

"BBQ Routine" (joke)

"BBQ Rules" (joke)

"BBQ sauce is just sexy ketchup"

"BC is now 'Before Coronavirus.' AD is now "After Distancing'"

"BDSM cows make whipped cream"

"Be a cupcake in a world full of muffins"

"Be a Fruit Loop in a world of Cheerios"

"Be a girl with a mind, a woman with attitude and a lady with class"

"Be a good person in real life. I promise you none of this social media shit matters"

"Be a good person in real life. I promise you none of this social media stuff matters"

"Be a good person in real life. None of this social media shit matters"

"Be a good person in real life. None of this social media stuff matters"

"Be a good person in real life, not in social media"

"Be a good person in real life, not just on social media"

"Be a pineapple: Stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside"

"Be a rebel. Enjoy Monday and find a reason to like it"

"Be a unicorn, not a twatopotamus"

"Be a yogacorn, not a twatopotamus"

"Be alert. Don't get hurt" (safety slogan)

"Be always sure you're right -- then go ahead" (Davy Crockett)

"Be around people who feed your soul, not eat it"

"Be around those who feed your soul, not eat it"

"Be careful about reading health books -- you may die of a misprint"

"Be careful, I drink coffee stronger than your feelings"

"Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the 'M' is silent"

"Be curious, not cool"

"Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road of life is paved with flat squirrels..."

"Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road of life is paved with flat squirrels..."

"Be fearful when others are greedy, and be greedy when others are fearful" (Warren Buffett)

"Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire"

"Be for what is going to happen" (political rule)

"Be full of coffee, not hate"

"Be Good Or Be Gone" (McSorley's Ale House & others)

"Be grateful that no matter how much chocolate you eat, your earrings will still fit"

"Be happy with what you have while working for what you want"

"Be honest, you didn't trust the science. You trusted the TV"

"Be honest, you haven't even walked a mile in your own shoes"

"Be kind. Re-wine"

"Be kind to unkind people. They need it the most"

"Be nice. Be useful. Bring beer"

"Be nice. Be useful. Bring coffee"

"Be nice. Be useful. Bring wine"

"Be nice to America or we'll bring democracy to your country"

"Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet the same people on your way down"

"Be nice to the janitor. You may be working for him tomorrow" (business adage)

"Be nice to the office boy. You may be working for him tomorrow" (business adage)

"Be not afraid of any man, no matter what his size; when danger threatens, ... I will equalize"

"Be not dismayed cause dis June"

"Be risk diverse, not risk averse" ("Be risk aware, not risk averse")

"Be so good they can't ignore you"

"Be somebody who makes everybody feel like somebody"

"Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help"

"'Be strong,' I whispered to my wifi signal"

"Be stronger than your strongest excuse"

"Be stubborn about your goals, but flexible about your methods"

"Be sure to bring up politics at Thanksgiving this year to save on Christmas gifts"

"Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm"

"Be the glitch you want to see in the matrix"

"Be the peace you wish to see in the world"

"Be the reason someone stops believing in government"

"Be the reason someone stops believing in the government"

"Be the reason why a politician has a mental breakdown in public restroom"

"Be the reason why someone gets mad over a fucking meme"

"Be the reason why someone gets mad over a meme"

"Be the reason why someone has to take a break from social media"

"Be the type of person who leaves a mark, not a scar"

"Be ungovernable" (political slogan)

"Be wary of taking 'health advice' from people who believe the world is overpopulated..."

"Be with someone who brings out the best in you, not the stress in you"

"Be with someone who knows your coffee order"

"Be you. The world will adjust"

Bean Burger (Beanburger)

Bean Counter (an accountant)

"Bean soup."/ "Yes, it's been soup. But what is it now?" (joke)

Bean to Bar

"Beanbags are boneless sofas"

Beanery

Beantown (Boston nickname)

Bear Claw (ice cream)

Bear Claw (pastry)

Bear Hug

Bear Market

"Bear markets slide down a slope of hope" (Wall Street proverb)

Bear Mountain Compact (Tappan Zee Bridge Rule)

Bear O'Clock (bear + beer o'clock)

Bear Sign (doughnuts)

Bearmageddon (stock market bear + Armageddon)

"Bears invented honey glazed salmon"

"Bears make headlines, bulls make money"

Bears (New York Institute of Technology teams)

Beartard (bear + retard)

"Beat like a rented mule"

"Beat the pants off" (to defeat completely)

"Beating someone with a baguette is assault with a breadly weapon"

"Beating up someone with a big pretzel is a salt with a breadly weapon"

Beau Belmont

Beau Broadway (Bo Broadway)

Beaumonter (inhabitant of Beaumont)

Beautiful People

"Beautiful things happen when you distance yourself from negativity"

"Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes -- thin crust, thick crust..." (pizza joke)

Beauty Contest (non-binding primary)

"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder"

"Beauty without intelligence is a masterpiece painted on a napkin"

Beaver State (Oregon nickname)

Beavers (CCNY teams)

BEC (bacon, egg and cheese)

"Because I'm worth it" (L'Oréal advertising slogan)

"Because of COVID-19 for the first time since 1945 the National Spelling Bee is cancil... cancul..."

"Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps"

"Because of the cancellation of all sports events ESPN will be covering live toilet paper wrestling"

"Because of the huge increase in deliveries, FedEx and UPS merged and are now Fed-Up"

"Because we're worth it, too" (L'Oréal advertising slogan)

"Because you're worth it" (L'Oréal advertising slogan)

"Become so financially secure that you forget that it's payday"

"Become ungovernable" (political slogan)

"Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak" (food pun)

Bed and Breakfast Capital of Texas (Jefferson nickname)

Bed Bath & Beyoncé or Bloodbath & Beyond (Bed Bath & Beyond nickname)

Bed, Bath & Beyond My Budget (Bed, Bath & Beyond nickname)

Bed-Stuy (Do or Die); Bed-Stuy and Proud of It

Bedford Hill (Bed-Stuy + Clinton Hill)

Bedpan Alley (Hospital Row or Hospital Land)

Beducator (bed + educator)

Bedwetting Liberal

Bedwick (Bed-Stuy + Bushwick)

Bee Caver (inhabitant of Bee Cave)

Bee Vomit (honey)

Beef and Reef (Reef and Beef)

Beef-Head (a Texan)

"Beef jerky is just a meat Twizzler"

"Beef jerky is just cow raisins"

"Beef jerky is just edible leather"

"Beef jerky is just meat licorice"

"Beef jerky is like a meat raisin"

"Beef sticks imply the existence of beef trees"

"Beef tongue? I could never eat anything that came out of an animal's mouth. Bring me a boiled egg"

Beef Wellington

Beefsteak

Beefsteak Nazi (brown on the outside, red on the inside)

Beefullness (beef + fullness)

"Been on hold so long I can't remember who I called. I have a credit card out..."

"Been there, bombed that" (been there, done that + bombed)

Beep and Creep (Creep and Beep)

Beep (Borough President)

Beer-b-que or Brew-b-que (beer/brew + bar-b-que)

"Beer, bacon, guns & freedom"

"Beer because nothing actually happened over coffee"

"Beer...because you can’t drink bacon"

"Beer before liquor, never sicker; Liquor before beer, never fear"

"Beer before wine, you'll feel fine; Wine before beer, you'll feel queer"

Beer Belly

Beer Bread

Beer Can Chicken

Beer Can Concealer

"Beer comes from hops. Hops are plants. Beer is salad"

"Beer contains Vitamin Pee"

"Beer doesn't have many vitamins -- that's why you have to drink a lot of it"

"Beer doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean -- against bars"

"Beer drinking doesn't do half the harm of lovemaking"

Beer Goggles

"Beer: Helping ugly people get laid since 1862"

"Beer: Helping white people dance since 1837"

"Beer is best drunk in the shadow of the brewery"

"Beer is just dream-flavored water"

"Beer is karaoke fuel"

"Beer is like the sun. It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist"

"Beer is liquid bread"

"Beer is now cheaper than gas -- drink, don't drive"

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy"

"Beer is the only drink that's acceptable to be served in a glass that's overflowing and dripping"

"Beer is yeast urine"

"Beer, lime & sunshine"

"Beer makes me happy. You, not so much"

"Beer (noun) -- magic water for fun people

"Beer (noun): The glue holding this shitshow together"

Beer O'Clock

"Beer shortage expected. Panic buy now"

"Beer shortage soon. Panic buy here"

"Beer shortages soon. Please panic buy"

"Beer: So much more than just a breakfast drink"

Beer Summit

"Beer -- the reason I wake up every afternoon"

"Beer: The WD40 for conversations"

Beer Thirty

"Beer, whiskey & weed are all made from plants... I think I might be a vegetarian!"

Beeramid (beer can/bottle + pyramid)

Beeramisu (beer + tiramisu)

Beerita (beer + margarita)

Beertail (beer + cocktail)

Beertini (beer + martini)

Beervana (Portland nickname)

"Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more"

"Before coffee: Hates everybody. After coffee: Feels good about hating everybody"

"Before coffee: Hating everybody. After coffee: Feeling good about hating everybody"

"Before coffee: I hate everybody. After coffee: I feel good about hating everybody"

"Before Conference pears, we could only talk to one pear at a time"

"Before everything else, getting ready is the secret of success"

"Before I get in shape, does anybody like me chubby?"

"Before I get in shape, does anyone like me chubby?"

"Before I get in shape, does anyone like me chunky?"

"Before I get in shape, does anyone like me fat?"

"Before I got married, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge"

"Before I have coffee, everyone is an asshole. After I have coffee, everyone is still an asshole..."

"Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement"

"Before kids can go places, they need a place to go" (Police Athletic League)

"Before Pro Tools, there were pros"

"Before serving your country, first learn who your government is serving"

"Before social media, all of this nonsense just stayed in people’s heads"

"Before something great happens, everything falls apart"

"Before the movie starts, it’s just 50 people sitting in the dark eating corn"

"Before there was Auto-Tune, there was talent"

"Before video games we had two world wars"

"Before you buy anything online, ask yourself, 'Am I prepared to see a sales ad for that item...'"

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression, first make sure you're not surrounded by assholes"

"Before you give a colleague a piece of your mind, make sure you can spare it"

"Before you judge someone, walk a mile in his shoes"

"Before you lose your shit, remember there's no wine in prison"

"Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet"

"Before you marry someone, go sit in traffic with them for at least 2 hours"

"Before you pride yourself on being a big fish, make sure you’re not swimming in a puddle"

Begathon (Beg-athon; "beg" + "telethon")

"Behead those who insult Islam" ("Behead those who say Islam is violent")

"Behind every great kid is a mom who's pretty sure she's screwing it all up"

"Behind every great kid is a parent who's pretty sure they're screwing it all up"

"Behind every great man is a great woman"

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes"

"Behind every great man is the drawer I need to get into. Why are you even in the kitchen right now"

"Behind every successful man is a woman rolling her eyes"

"Behind every successful person is a substantial amount of coffee"

"Behind every successful person, there is a deactivated Facebook account"

"Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account"

"Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee"

"Behind every successful woman is herself"

"Behind the eight ball" (in a troublesome situation)

"Being a girl isn't easy. Imagine waiting for a reply without sending any message"

"Being a good worker is 3% talent, 97% not being distracted by the internet"

"Being a good writer is 3% talent, 97% not being distracted by the internet"

"Being a parent is like folding a fitted sheet. No one really knows how"

"Being a parent means knowing how to unwrap a Snickers without making any noise"

"Being a prison guard has to be the easiest job ever. I mean, who's going to steal a prison?"

"Being an adult is eating the crust not because you like it, but because you paid for it"

"Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet. No one really knows how"

"Being an introvert isn't easy. Imagine waiting for a reply without sending a message"

"Being 'clean and sober' means I've showered and I'm headed to the liquor store"

"Being constantly offended doesn't mean you're right. It just means you're too narcissistic to tolerate opinions..."

"Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body"

"Being drunk with your best friend is the best kind of drunk"

"Being fat is actually fitphobic. Do better"

"Being hated for loving freedom has been the strangest experience of my life"

"Being hated for loving freedom has been the weirdest experience of my life"

"Being healthy is the ultimate rebellion in a sick, diseased and dysfunctional society"

"Being in your own business is working 80 hours a week so that you can avoid working 40 hours..."

"Being late is the same thing as being wrong"

"Being on the wrong side of history as it repeats itself is like failing an open book test"

"Being on the wrong side of history while it's repeating itself is like failing an open note test"

"Being overweight is the only truth you can successfully run from"

"Being part of a major historical event sucks" (2019–20 coronavirus pandemic)

Beirut or Bar Ridge (Bay Ridge)

BelDel (Below Delancey, or "Belancey")

Belgian Waffle

"Believe in yourself. Because the rest of us think you're an idiot"

"Believe in yourself! If cauliflower can become pizza, you can do anything"

"Believing in yourself is the first secret to success"

"Believing the medical industry desires a healthy population..."

Bell of the Unforgotten

Bellbottom (9 West 57th Street)

Belly Bomb or Belly Bomber (White Castle hamburger nickname)

Belly-up

Belmont Breeze (former official drink of the Belmont Stakes)

Belmont Jewel (official drink of the Belmont Stakes)

Belmont Park (cocktail)

"Belt and suspenders" (conservative approach)

Beltbuster (1/2 pound hamburger)

Beltway Bandit

Beltway ("Inside the Beltway," Beltway Insider)

Beltwaytarian

"Ben and Jerry's ice cream is less used as dessert than it is as an anti-depressant"

"Benches for the wenches" (weightlifting saying)

Benchslap (judicial bench + bitchslap)

Benedict Arnold Account (offshore account)

Benefeast (benefit + feast)

Benny (Bayonne, Elizabeth, Newark, New York acronym?)

Bensonhurster (inhabitant of Bensonhurst, Brooklyn)

Berkeley-on-the-Brazos (UT-Austin nickname)

Bernanke Put

"Berries white, a poisonous sight" (poison ivy adage)

Besos (Mexican pastry "kisses")

Bespoke Vegetables

Best Escape Anyone Can Have ("beach" backronym)

"Best friends are just personal therapists that get paid in alcohol"

"Best friends are basically therapists who get paid in margaritas"

"Best friends are basically therapists who get paid in wine"

"Best friends are basically therapists who get paid in wine. Or tequila"

"Best friends are just personal therapists who get paid in alcohol"

"Best friends don't care if your house is clean. They care if you have wine"

"Best friends don't care if your house is clean. They care if you have wine"

"Best friends forever, never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart"

"Best friends pho-ever"

"Best friends: Ready to die for each other, but will fight over the last slice of pizza"

Best Little Town in Two States (Anthony, TX & Anthony, NM)

Best Location in the Nation

"Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out"

"Bestie please let me merge" (bumper sticker)

Bet a Big Apple

"Bet on the jockey, not the horse" (business adage)

"Bet that it would never rain again" (Texas weather joke)

"Betray'all: When a southern person betrays you"

Betsy Gotbaum and the fictional "Big Apple whores"

"Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under" (social distancing)

"Better 6 feet away than 6 feet under" (social distancing)

"Better blatant than latent" (gay slogan)

"Better days are coming. They are called Saturday and Sunday"

"Better days are coming. They are called Saturday and Sunday"

"Better days are just around the corner. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday"

"Better days are just around the corner. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday"

Better Quickly Exit (Brooklyn-Queens Expressway or BQE nickname)

"Better safe than sued"

"Better six feet apart than six feet under" (social distancing)

"Better six feet away than six feet under" (social distancing)

"Better sore than sorry"

"Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know"

"Betting against gold is the same as betting on governments"

"Betting is like liquor. You can make it illegal, but you can't make it unpopular"

"Betty Eats Cakes And Uncle Sells Eggs" ("because" spelling aid)

"Between 11 and 3 stay under a tree"

"Between a rock and a weird place" (Pflugerville, near Round Rock and Austin)

"Between hay and grass"

"Between pigeons and politicians, it's hard to keep the courthouse clean"

Beverly Hills of the East Coast (Malba, Queens)

"Bevo. It's what's for dinner." (anti-UT Longhorn slogan)

"Beware of geeks bearing formulas"

"Beware of he who would deny you access to information..."

"Beware of the dog. And the cat is not trustworthy, either"

"Beware of...well...just beware"

"Beware the empty subway car. It’s empty for a reason" (subway tips and etiquette)

"Beware the empty train car. It’s empty for a reason" (subway tips and etiquette)

"Beware the injured golfer" ("Beware the sick golfer")

Bewitching Broker (female stockbroker)

"Beyond Burgers being 'plant based' implies that traditional burgers are 'meat cringe'"

"Beyond meat implies the existence of bed meat and bath meat"

BFD (Black Friday Deal)

BGT Sandwich (bacon, goat cheese and tomato)

Bi-coastal (NY & LA)

Bialy

Bibimbap

BIC (Bronx Irish Catholic)

Bicycle "Dooring"

"Bicycle implies the existence of gaycycle, straightcycle, pancycle and transcycle"

Bicycle Messenger

"Bicycles imply the existence of heterocycles and homocycles"

BicyTaxi

Bidenflation or Bidinflation (U.S. President Joe Biden + inflation)

Bidinflation or Bidenflation (U.S. President Joe Bidwen + inflation)

Bien Me Sabe or Bienmesabe ("Tastes good to me" spongecake with coconut cream)

Bierock

Biflation (bi- + deflation/inflation)

Big A (Aqueduct Racetrack nickname, 1959)

Big A (Aqueduct Racetrack nickname)

Big A (Aqueduct Racetrack nickname, 1959)

Big Agbalumo (Lagos nickname)

Big Apple

Big Apple 1970s Revival: Charlie Gillett and Lew Rudin

"Big Apple" (song by Kajagoogoo, 1983)

"Big Apple, 3 AM" (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time video game, 1992)

"Big Apple, 3 AM" (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time video game, 1992)

"Big Apple, 3 PM" (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder's Revenge video game, 2022)

"Big Apple, 3 PM" (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder’s Revenge video game, 2022)

"Big Apple" and Donald Trump (Fortune magazine photo, 1989)

"Big Apple" and the Dutch phrase, "to buy for an apple and an egg" (2020)

Big Apple Anime Fest (2001-2003)

"Big Apple" answer on "Final Jeopardy!" (2009)

"Big Apple" answer in Jeopardy! game show (2022)

"Big Apple" answer in Jeopardy! game show (2022)

"Big Apple" answer on "Final Jeopardy!" (2009)

"Big Apple as mecca" (Jet magazine, 1952)

Big Apple Awards (New York City public school teachers, 2013-present)

Big Apple Awards (New York City public school teachers)

Big Apple Awards (PRSA -- New York Chapter)

Big Apple Awards (Public Relations Society of America-NY Chapter, 1988-present)

Big Apple Bagels (bagel chain)

Big Apple Bagels (Illinois bagel chain, 1985-present)

Big Apple Ball (charity ball, May 1973)

Big Apple Ball (Donald Trump Presidential Inauguration, 2017)

Big Apple Ball (Donald Trump Presidential Inauguration, 2017)

Big Apple Bar & Restaurant (New Orleans, 1952-1970s?)

Big Apple Bar & Restaurant (New Orleans, 1952-1970s?)

Big Apple Barbecue Block Party

Big Apple bet (1988, 2003) between mayors of New York City and Columbia, South Carolina

Big Apple Blizzard (Dairy Queen dessert)

Big Apple Blizzard (Dairy Queen dessert, 2014)

"Big Apple Blues" (song by Slade, 1977)

"Big Apple Blues" (song by Slade, 1977)

"Big Apple Blues" (The Facts of Life episode, 1988)

Big Apple book by Gerald Cohen, Barry Popik (1991, 2011)

Big Apple Bowl

Big Apple (brand of Schwalbe bicycle tires, 2003-present)

Big Apple (Broadway)

Big Apple (Broadway, in columns by Walter Winchell and O. O. McIntyre, 1927-1928)

Big Apple (Broadway, in columns by Walter Winchell and O. O. McIntyre)

Big Apple Cafe (Calgary, Alberta, 1938-1940)

Big Apple Cafe (Calgary, Alberta, 1938-1940)

Big Apple Cafe (Cincinnati, OH. 1938-1963)

Big Apple Cafe (Cincinnati, OH, 1938-1963)

Big Apple Cafe & Event Centre (Waitomo, New Zealand, 1995-present)

Big Apple Cafe (Neosho, MO, 1940-1942)

Big Apple Cafe (Neosho, MO, 1940-1942)

Big Apple Cafe (Puryear, TN and Murray, KY, 1950s-present)

Big Apple Cafe (Rochester, NY, 1977-2005)

Big Apple Cafe (Rochester, NY, 1977-2005)

Big Apple Cafe, (Shamokin, PA, 1938-1947)

Big Apple Cafe (Shamokin, PA, 1938-1947)

Big Apple Cake (cannabis)

Big Apple (cannabis)

Big Apple cannabis (2020)

Big Apple Cap (Big Apple Hat)

Big Apple cap or Big Apple hat (named after the dance, 1937-present)

Big Apple Car, Inc.

Big Apple Car, Inc. (1983-present)

Big Apple Circus

Big Apple Circus (1977-present)

Big Apple City

Big Apple (city ornament of Columbia, SC, 2021)

Big Apple City (Strawberry Shortcake animation, 1981)

Big Apple (club in Munich, Germany, 1963-1975)

Big Apple Coaster (New York-New York Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, 1997-present)

Big Apple (cocktail with sake)

Big Apple (cocktail with sake, 2013)

"Big Apple" Cohen-Popik Work On Television (?)

Big Apple Comic Con (1996-present)

Big Apple Comix (1975)

Big Apple Concession (City Park in New Orleans, 1947-1949)

Big Apple Concession (City Park in New Orleans, 1947-1949)

Big Apple Connect (free high-speed internet and basic cable TV, 2022)

Big Apple (convenience stores in Maine and New Hampshire, 1974-present)

Big Apple Copy Center

Big Apple Copy Center (1979-present)

Big Apple Corner (1992-1997)

Big Apple Corner (1997 Law & Today)

Big Apple Corner (1997 Law & Today)

Big Apple Corner (New York Morning Telegraph site)

Big Apple Corner (New York Morning Telegraph site)

Big Apple Corner (sign stolen, 2021-2024)

Big Apple (crime drama television series, 2001)

Big Apple (crime drama television series, 2001)

"Big Apple" (Dan Burley's Original Handbook of Harlem Jive, 1944)

Big Apple Dance

Big Apple dance craze (1937)

Big Apple dance craze (1937)

"Big Apple" date?: January 15, 1920

Big Apple Diner (Whitehall, NY, 1987-present)

Big Apple Diner (Whitehall, NY, 1987-present)

Big Apple (disco in Berlin, Germany. 1962-1979)

Big Apple Donuts & Coffee (Malaysia chain)

Big Apple Donuts & Coffee (Malaysia chain, 2007-present)

Big Apple Doughnut (Krispy Kreme donut, 2020)

Big Apple Doughnut (Krispy Kreme donut, 2020)

"Big Apple Dreamin'" (song by Alice Cooper, 1973)

"Big Apple Dreamin'" (song by Alice Cooper, 1973)

Big Apple (drinks using applejack)

Big Apple (drinks using applejack, 1938)

Big Apple Elevator Service and Consulting

Big Apple Elevator Service and Consulting (2006-present)

"Big Apple" explained in a movie (Barney's Version film, 2010)

"Big Apple" explained in a movie (Barney's Version film, 2010)

Big Apple Fame and Fortune

Big Apple Fashioned (cocktail, 2012)

Big Apple Fashioned (cocktail)

Big Apple Fest (2004)

Big Apple Fest (2005)

Big Apple Field Hockey (BAHF)

Big Apple Film Festival

Big Apple Film Festival (2004-present)

Big Apple Flag (North American Vexillological Association, 1983)

"Big Apple" float (NY Daily News in Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade)

"Big Apple" float (NY Daily News in Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, 1977-2017)

Big Apple Florist

Big Apple Florist (1991-present)

Big Apple (football play at Davidson College, 1937)

Big Apple (football play at Davidson College, 1937)

Big Apple (former official drink of the Belmont Stakes)

Big Apple (Fort Worth, TX barbecue restaurant, 1941-1968)

Big Apple (Fort Worth, TX barbecue restaurant, 1941-1968)

Big Apple (Fort Worth, TX barbecue restaurant, 1941-1968)

Big Apple Games (video games, 1986)

Big Apple Games (video games, 1986)

Big Apple Grapple (arm wrestling)

Big Apple Greeter

Big Apple Greeter (1992-present)

Big Apple Grill & Bar (Puryear, TN and Murray, KY)

Big Apple Grocery Store

Big Apple Grocery Store (Harlem, 1945-1949)

Big Apple Hard Cider (2014-present)

Big Apple (Harlem bar/restaurant, 1934)

Big Apple Hat (Big Apple Cap)

Big Apple Hostel

Big Apple Hostel (1994-2014)

Big Apple Hot Dogs (UK hot dogs, 2010-present)

"Big Apple" in East Village Other (1968-1971)

"Big Apple" in East Village Other (1968-1971)

"Big Apple" in Kurt Vonnegut Jr.'s novel Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)

"Big Apple" in the 1930s (Two clubs, plus song and dance)

"Big Apple" in the 1940s-1950s

"Big Apple" in the media

Big Apple Inn (Jackson, MS restaurant)

Big Apple Inn (Jackson, MS restaurant, 1939-present)

Big Apple Innovation Awards (LISC NY, 2003-present)

"Big Apple is fantastic, but cuts you down to size" lyric in Nickelback's "Kiss It Goodbye" (2011)

Big Apple Jazz Tours

Big Apple Jazz Tours (1997-present)

Big Apple kiosk (Mumbles, Swansea Bay, Wales, 1930s-present)

Big Apple logo for Javits Center (1985-present)

Big Apple logo for Made in NYC (2003-present)

Big Apple logo for New York Urban League (1981-present)

Big Apple logo for New York Cares (1987-present)

"Big Apple" lyric in the Joni Mitchell song "Song for Sharon" (1976)

"Big Apple" lyric in the Joni Mitchell song "Song for Sharon" (1976)

"Big Apple" lyric in the Lynyrd Skynyrd song "I'm a Country Boy" (1975)

"Big Apple" lyric in the Lynyrd Skynyrd song "I'm a Country Boy" (1975)

"Big Apple" lyric in The Rolling Stones song "Shattered" (1978)

Big Apple Mall (Bonifacio Global City, Taguig, Metro Manila, Philippines, 2018-present)

Big Apple Martini (or Big Apple-tini)

Big Apple Martini or Big Apple-tini (cocktail, 2000)

Big Apple Meat Market

Big Apple Meat Market (1992-present)

Big Apple Mini Storage

Big Apple Mini Storage (1974-present)

Big Apple Minute (WNEW-TV Channel 5, 1980-1987)

Big Apple Minute (WNEW-TV Channel 5, 1980-1987)

Big Apple Mojito

Big Apple Mojito (cocktail, 2005)

Big Apple Movie (WNEW-TV Channel 5, 1981-1986)

Big Apple Movie (WNEW-TV Channel 5, 1981-1986)

Big Apple Moving & Storage

Big Apple Moving & Storage (1979-present)

Big Apple Music Awards (2007-2022)

Big Apple Netball Tournament

"Big Apple" nightclub (The Three Faces of Eve film, 1957)

Big Apple of Idaho (Fruitland, Idaho nickname)

Big Apple of New England (Johnny Appleseed Visitors Center, 2019-present)

Big Apple of the Midwest (Columbus, Ohio nickname)

Big Apple of Wathena, Kansas (1928-1940)

Big Apple (official drink of the Belmont Stakes, 1976)

Big Apple on a hockey jersey (New York Rangers practice jersey, 1994)

Big Apple on New Year's Eve Ball at One Times Square (1981-1988)

"Big Apple" on NPR's "Ask Me Another" (2020)

"Big Apple" on websites

"Big Apple or Die Tryin'" (Pee-wee's Big Holiday film, 2016)

"Big Apple or Die Tryin‘" (Pee-wee’s Big Holiday film, 2016)

Big Apple (pachinko parlors in Japan, 2000?-present)

Big Apple Pancake House (Chicago Heights and Joliet, IL, 1980-present)

"Big Apple" (Perry Mason, "The Case of the Jilted Jockey" episode, 1958)

Big Apple Pizza (Israeli pizza chain)

Big Apple Pizza (Israeli pizza chain, 1986-present)

Big Apple Pizza & Pasta (Florida pizza chain)

Big Apple Pizza & Pasta (Florida pizza chain, 1997-present)

Big Apple plaque (1996)

Big Apple Ranch (country-western dance lesson and party, 1997-present)

"Big Apple Rappin'" (rap by Spyder-D, 1980)

"Big Apple Rappin'" (rap by Spyder-D, 1980)

Big Apple Red (color)

Big Apple Restaurant (Asheville, NC, 1957-1991)

Big Apple Restaurant (Asheville, NC, 1957-1991)

Big Apple Restaurant (Covington, KY, 1938)

Big Apple Restaurant (Covington, KY, 1938)

Big Apple (roadside attraction in Colborne, Ontario, Canada, 1987-present)

Big Apple (roadside attraction in Thulimbah, Queensland, Australia, 1978-present)

"Big Apple" (Robert S. Gold's A Jazz Lexicon, 1964)

"Big Apple" (Robert S. Gold’s A Jazz Lexicon, 1964)

Big Apple (Robinette's Apple Haus, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 1973-present)

"Big Apple Rock" (disco song by Black Ivory, 1979)

"Big Apple Rock" (disco song by Black Ivory, 1979)

Big Apple (roller coaster at Astroland, Brooklyn, 1977-2008)

Big Apple (roller coaster at Great Yarmouth Pleasure Beach, Norfolk, UK, 1998-present)

Big Apple Sauce (Ahmad "Sauce" Gardner nickname on New York Jets, 2022)

Big Apple Sauce (Ahmad “Sauce” Gardner nickname on New York Jets, 2022)

Big Apple Sauce (The Sauce episode in New York City, 2020)

Big Apple Sauce (The Sauce episode in New York City, 2020)

Big Apple (sculpture at Yamanashi Prefectural Museum, Japan, 2008-present)

Big Apple sculpture (Bella Abzug Park and Dante Park, 2021-2022)

Big Apple (sculpture by Romero Britto, JFK Airport, 2011-present)

Big Apple (sculpture by Romero Britto, LaGuardia Airport, 2006-present)

Big Apple (sculpture in Medina, New York, 2000-present)

Big Apple sculpture (Bella Abzug Park and Dante Park, 2021-2022)

Big Apple (sculptures by Romero Britto, 2006 at LaGuardia Airport & 2011 at JFK Airport)

Big Apple Shake (Johnny Rockets, 2005)

Big Apple Shine Parlor

Big Apple Shine Parlor (Harlem, 1942)

"Big Apple" (song by Bob Emmerich and Buddy Bernier, 1937)

"Big Apple" (song by Kajagoogoo, 1983)

"Big Apple" (song by Molly Hatchet, 1978)

"Big Apple" (song by Molly Hatchet, 1978)

"Big Apple" (spoken by Frank Sinatra, 1950)

Big Apple Stars Awards Program (Hotel Association of New York City)

Big Apple Stars Awards Program (Hotel Association of New York City, 1997-present)

Big Apple Supermarket & Red Apple Supermarket

Big Apple Supermarket (Georgia supermarket chain, 1939-1980)

Big Apple (supper club near Buffalo, NY, 1945-1976)

Big Apple (supper club near Buffalo, NY, 1945-1976)

"Big Apple" T-shirts from the Daily News (1975)

"Big Apple -- the major tracks of the country" (1933)

Big Apple Timeline

Big Apple (tourist information booth, Meaford, Ontario, Canada, 1974-present)

Big Apple Triple (thoroughbred racing)

Big Apple Turnover (Ray Williams nickname on New York Knicks, 1979)

Big Apple Turnover (Ray Williams nickname on New York Knicks, 1979)

Big Apple (USS Appalachian, 1946)

Big Apple (USS Appalachian, 1946)

"Big Apple Waltz" (song by Sweet, 1979)

"Big Apple Waltz" (song by Sweet, 1979)

Big Apple Whore Hoax (1800s)

Big Apple (Yeaju-Dake Escarpment, Battle of Okinawa, 1945)

Big Apple (Yeaju-Dake Escarpment, Battle of Okinawa, 1945)

Big Appleite (inhabitant of the Big Apple)

Big Appler (inhabitant of the Big Apple)

Big Apples Are Top of the Barrel

Big Appling (to do the Big Apple dance)

Big Appling (to visit New York City)

Big Appling (to visit New York City, 1976)

Big Artery or Hardened Artery or Main Artery (Broadway)

"Big as hell and half of Texas"

Big Street (Broadway)

Big Auger

Big Bad Apple (Big Apple + bad apple)

Big Belly (trash compactor)

Big Blue Apple (Big Blue + Big Apple)

Big Blue; Big Blue Wrecking Crew

Big Board

Big Brother Corporation (BBC nickname)

Big Brothers (Big Sisters)

Big Brown (United Parcel Service or UPS nickname)

"Big Bugs in the Big Apple" (James and the Giant Peach film, 1996)

Big Burg

Big Cave

Big Cheese

Big Chilli (summary)

Big Country

Big Crapple

Big Crescent (New Orleans nickname)

Big Dance (NCAA Men's Division I Basketball Championship)

"Big deal, McDonalds. We’re all here for a limited time only"

"Big deal, New York. I drop the ball all the time"

Big Easy (New Orleans nickname)

Big Empty (Texas plains)

Big Enchilada; Full Enchilada; Whole Enchilada

Big Friendly (summary)

Big Glou (natural wine fair)

"Big government is trickle-down economics"

Big Greasy (New Orleans nickname)

Big Guava (summary)

Big Hair House

Big Harma (Big Pharma + harm)

"Big hat and no cattle" ("All hat and no cattle")

"Big Mac" (Municipal Assistance Corporation)

Big Man On Campus (BMOC)

Big Mikan (summary)

Big Money Texas or BMT (Beaumont nickname)

Big Nipple (summary)

Big O (Omaha, Nebraska nickname)

Big Olive (Thebes, Greece nickname)

Big Onion

Big Orange (Tel Aviv, Israel nickname)

Big Oyster

"Big Pharma does not create cures. They create customers"

Big Peach

Big Persimmon (summary)

Big Pharma

Big Pharmafia (Big Pharma + mafia)

Big Pineapple (Australian icon)

Big Pineapple (Honolulu, Hawaii nickname)

Big Pineapple (San José, Costa Rica nickname)

Big Plum ("New York may be the Big Apple, but Cleveland's a Plum")

Big Potato (Boise, Idaho nickname)

Big Potato (jocular mistake for "Big Apple")

Big Red Apple (sculpture in Cornelia, Georgia, 1926-present)

Big Red with the Long Green Stem (Seventh Avenue/Adam Clayton Powell Jr. Boulevard)

Big Road Apple (Big Apple + road apple)

Big Rue (Broadway)

Big Sandy (Belmont Park nickname)

Big Scrapple (Philadelphia nickname)

"Big Sibling is watching you"

Big Six

Big Six (Albany, Buffalo, New York, Rochester, Syracuse, Yonkers)

Big Sleazy (New Orleans nickname)

Big Smoke (London, UK nickname)

Big Smoke (Toronto, Canada nickname)

Big Smoke (Toronto, Canada nickname)

Big Stem (Broadway)

Big Swinging Dick (BSD)

"Big team, little me"

Big Tent

Big Tex

Big Things Happen Here (Dallas slogan)

Big Three (Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security)

Big Time and Big Town

"Big-time players make big-time plays in big games"

Big Top (circus)

Big Ugly Fat Fuckers Eating Together ("buffet" backronym)

Big Ugly Import Car Killer (Buick backronymic nickname)

Big Ugly (New York State budget process nickname)

Big White (White House nickname)

Big Willy, Mental Dental Building, Filling Station, Tooth Tower (Williamsburg Bank Building)

Big Yam (Lagos nickname)

BigApple2BigEasy (BABE) car rally

Bigger Apple (Manhattan Institute newsletter)

Bigger Apple (Manhattan Institute newsletter, 2020-present)

"Bigger snacks mean bigger slacks"

"Bigger than Dallas" ("Bigger 'n Dallas")

"Biggest waste of money: my 2020 planner" (2019–20 coronavirus pandemic)

"Bike hair, don't care"

Bike Ninja

Bike Salmon

"Bike to work. Bike to play. Bike tomorrow. Bike today!"

"Biker hair, don't care"

BILF (bacon or burger variant of MILF)

"Bilingual education makes you illiterate in two languages"

"Bill Gates walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

Bill Johnson’s Big Apple (Arizona restaurants, 1956-2015)

Bill Johnson's Big Apple restaurants

Billennial (bilingual + millennial)

Billionaire Beanstalk (luxury skyscraper)

Billionaire Capital of the World

Billionaire Pie (Furr's cafeterias)

Billionaire's Belt

"Bills: paid, Bank account: empty, Working: still, Adulting: sucks, Yee: haw"

"Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks"

Billy Goat Date Cake (Billy Goat Cookies)

BIN (Born In Nacogdoches)

"Binary 101 is not a beginners' course"

"Binary star systems imply the existence of non-binary star systems"

"Binary stars imply the existence of non-binary stars"

Binghamton: Bingo (nickname)

Binghamton: Carousel Capital of the World (nickname)

Binghamton, Johnson City, Endicott: Triple Cities

Binghamton: Parlor City (nickname)

Binghamton: Spiedie

Binghamton: Valley of Opportunity (nickname)

Bingo (game)

Biocrat (biology + bureaucrat)

"Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother"

"Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division"

Biostitute (biologist + prostitute)

Bir Zeit on the Hudson (Columbia University)

Birch Beer

Bird Circuit (Manhattan gay bars with bird names)

"Bird in Flight" (WTC Transportation Hub)

Birdie (golf score)

Birding Capital of East Texas (Mineola nickname)

Birdseed or Bird Seed (children's trail mix)

Birkenstock Liberal

"Birthday calories don't count" ("Calories don't count on your birthday")

"Birthday suits tailored here" (gym sign)

"Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake"

Birther or Birfer (presidential citizenship skeptic)

Birthplace of Jazz (New Orleans nickname)

Birthplace of Modern American Drama (Provincetown Playhouse)

Birthplace of Texas (Deer Park nickname)

Birthplace of Texas Ranching (Goliad slogan)

Birthplace of the Lone Star Flag (Montgomery slogan)

"Birthplace:Earth Race:Human Politics:Freedom Religion:Love"

"Bis for the guys" (weightlifting saying)

Biscochitos or Bizcochitos (anise seed cookies)

"Biscotti are just coffee croutons"

"Biscotti are just cookie croutons"

"Biscotti are just dessert croutons"

"Biscotti are just sweet croutons"

"Biscotti are just tea croutons"

"Biscuits and gravy are just wet flour over dry flour"

"Biscuits and gravy is just milk, butter and flour on top of milk, butter and flour"

"Biscuits and gravy is just wet flour on dry flour"

Bismarck (pastry)

"Bitchilante (n.) Being mean only to people who deserve it"

Bitcoinaire (bitcoin + billionaire/millionaire)

Bitcoiner

Bitcoinia

"Bite off more than one can chew" (undertake too much)

"Bite the Big Apple" (Murder, She Wrote episode, 1991)

"Bite the Big Apple" (The Devil's Advocate film, 1997)

BK (Brooklyn)

BK Lounge (Burger King nickname)

"Blablabla. Go workout!" ("Bla bla bla. Go workout!")

Black and Bleu Salad

"Black and proud" ("I'm black and I'm proud")

Black-and-White (cookie)

Black and White (shake or soda)

Black Bottom Cake (Black Bottom Pie)

Black Bottom (dance)

Black Budget

Black Car

"Black coffee every morning. Dark whiskey every evening"

"Black coffee in the morning. Dark whiskey in the evening"

"Black coffee is goth coffee"

Black Cow or Brown Cow (root beer float)

"Black/Dark as midnight under a skillet"

Black Diamond (black truffle nickname)

Black-Eyed Pea Capital of the World (Athens nickname)

Black Friday (Big Friday)

Black Friday (false etymology about slavery)

Black Friday Slaughter Sale

"Black Friday special! Stay at home and save 100%"

Black Girl Magic Row (Tompkins Avenue, Bedford-Stuyvesant)

Black Knight

Black Mardi Gras (Texas Relays nickname)

Black Monday; Black Tuesday; Black Thursday; Black Friday (Wall Street stock declines)

Black Monday (head coach firing day after NFL regular season)

"Black olives matter"

"Black people don't eat breakfast on Thanksgiving. We starve until 4 o'clock"

"Black people don't eat breakfast on Thanksgiving. We starve until the food is ready"

Black-Robed Gang (court judges)

Black Rock (CBS); Hard Rock (ABC); 30 Rock (NBC)

Black Russian (cocktail)

Black Tin Pan Alley or Uncle Tom's Cabin (Gaiety Building)

Black Wall Street

Black Zone (area without electrical power)

Blackbirds (Long Island University teams)

"Blackened Chicken Recipe: 1. Clean chicken 2. Place chicken in oven 3. Go check Facebook"

"Blackened Chicken Recipe: 1. Clean chicken 2. Place chicken in oven 3. Go check Instagram"

"Blackened Chicken Recipe: 1. Clean chicken 2. Place chicken in oven 3. Go check social media"

"Blackened Chicken Recipe: 1. Clean chicken 2. Place chicken in oven 3. Go check Twitter"

Blackout Cake

"Blackout in a can" (caffeinated and alcoholic energy drink)

"Blahblahblah. Go workout!" ("Blah blah blah. Go workout!")

"Blame America first"

"Blame the Indian, not the arrow"

Blameocracy (blame + democracy); Blameocrat (blame + bureaucrat)

Blamestream Media

"Bland salad is a problem that needs a dressing"

"Blast from the past"

"Bleecker Street is not located midway between Bleeck Street and Bleeckest Street"

Bleisure (business + leisure)

"Blended soup is just a hot vegetable smoothie"

"Bless the cook who serves love and laughter"

"Bless the food before us, the family beside us, and the love between us"

"Bless the food upon the dishes as you blessed the loaves and fishes"

"Blessed and booked"

"Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape"

"Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt"

"Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused"

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst because they are sticking to their diet"

"Blessed, booked and busy"

"Blessed, busy and booked"

Blessing of the Bicycles (Blessing of the Bikes)

Blessing of the Fleet (BayFest)

Blimpie (sandwich)

"Blind people come to the ballpark just to listen to him pitch"

Blind Pig

Blind Pool

Blind Tiger

Blinky

Blintze (Blintz; Blin)

Blipster

"Blisters are braille for 'awesome'" (running saying)

Blisters on My Sisters (egg dish, similar to huevos rancheros)

Block Party

Blogola (blog + payola)

Blondie (Blond Brownie or Blonde Brownie)

"Blood oranges > Crip oranges"

"Blood oranges imply the existence of Crip oranges"

"Blood, toil, tears and sweat" ("Blood, sweat and tears")

Bloody Angle (Doyers Street)

Bloody Awful (British Airways nickname)

Bloody Caesar (cocktail)

Bloody Maria (cocktail)

Bloody Mary (cocktail)

Bloody Mary (cocktail) & Celery Stalk/Celery Stick Stirrer

"Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails"

Bloody Meyer (cocktail)

Bloody Ridiculous Investment Concept (BRIC backronym)

"Blowing on the wine in your coffee mug to convince the rest of the zoom meeting that it is tea"

BlowU (University of Oklahoma or OU nickname)

BLT (Bites, Licks and Tastes)

BLT (BMT) Sandwich (bacon, lettuce and tomato)

Blue Alert ("Amber Alert" for officers)

Blue and White, Cubs, Lions (Columbia teams)

Blue Anon

Blue Chip

Blue Collar

Blue Monday (third Monday in January)

Blue Money

Blue Norther

Blue Plate Special

Blue Privilege (police blue + white privilege)

Blue Santa

Blue Smoke and Mirrors

Blue State/Red State

Blue Steel

Blue Tarp Mexican (slang for a Guatemalan)

Blue Velvet Cake

Blue Wall of Silence (Blue Code of Silence)

Blue Zone

Blueberry in the Tomato Soup (Austin political nickname)

"Bluegrass is music sung from the heart, through the nose"

Blues, Barbecue and Fireworks Festival

Blueway (East River Blueway)

Blursday (blurs + day)

Bo Broadway (Beau Broadway)

Boardinghouse Reach (Boarding House Reach)

BOAT (Blow Out Another Thousand)

BOAT (Break Out Another Thousand)

BOAT (Bring Out Another Thousand)

BOAT (Bring Over Another Thousand)

BOAT (Bust Out Another Thousand)

Boat Check

Boat Show

Boatgating (boat + tailgating)

"Boats come in three dimensions: length, width and debt"

Bobbie Burns (cocktail)

BOBO (bacon on bagel omelet)

Boccone Dolce (Sweet Mouthful)

BoCoCa (Boerum Hill, Cobble Hill, Carroll Gardens)

Bocoles

Bodega

"Body language is self explanatory"

Body Man

"Body wants sex. Heart wants love. Soul wants peace. Stomach needs tacos"

Body Woman

"Bodybuilding -- When your mission in life is to be shaped like a uterus"

BOGO or BOGOF (Buy One, Get One Free)

BOGSAT or BOGSATT (Bunch of Guys Sitting Around The Table)

Bohemian Boulevard or Bohemian Broadway (East 72th Street in Yorkville)

BoHo (Bowery below Houston Street)

BOI (Born On the Island) & IBC (Islander By Choice)

"Boil it, cook it, peel it or forget it"

Boilermaker

Bois d'Arc Capital of Texas (Commerce nickname)

"Boisterous Sea of Liberty" ("Tempestuous Sea of Liberty")

Bola Tie (Bolo Tie)

"Bold stripes, bright stars, brave hearts"

Bolillo (Mexican bread)

Boll Weevil Democrat

"Bologna is a hot dog for people who like pancakes"

"Bologna is just a flat hot dog"

"Bologna is just a hot dog pancake"

Bolts (Brooklyn FXFL football team)

"Bomb hills, not countries" (skateboarding adage)

"Bomb into the Stone Age" (total destruction)

Bomber Sandwich

Bomboloni (Italian doughnuts)

BOMFOG (Brotherhood Of Man, Fatherhood Of God)

Bon Appetex

Bond Vigilante

Bone Alley

Bonehead Play or Boner ("Merkle's Boner")

"Boneless chicken wings are just chicken nuggets for adults"

"Boneless wings are just chicken nuggets for adults"

Bonghorns & "Book 'em, Horns!" (Longhorns & "Hook 'em, Horns!")

Bongo Boulevard (51st Street, between Seventh Avenue and Broadway)

"Bonjour, y'all" (Paris, Texas greeting)

Bonut (biscuit + doughnut)

"Boob job implies the existence of boob unemployment"

Boob Tube (television)

Boobeoisie or Booboisie (boob + bourgeoisie)

Boobus Americanus

Boodle Board (Board of Aldermen)

Booger King (Burger King nickname)

Boogie Down Bronx

Book Row (or, Booksellers' Row)

"Booked and blessed"

"Booked, blessed and busy"

"Booked, busy and blessed"

"Books serve to show a man that those original thoughts of his aren't very new after all"

Boomer Doomer or Boomer Remover (COVID-19 nickname)

Boomer Remover or Boomer Doomer (COVID-19 nickname)

Boomerang Buyer

"Boomerangs are just frisbees for lonely people"

Booporium (boo + emporium)

Boot Hill (cemetery for those who "died with their boots on")

Bootlegger

Boots on the Ground

Booyah (stew)

Boozeday Tuesday

Broadway's Living Room or Broadway's Supper Club or Broadway's Nightclub (Feinstein’s/54 Below)

Border Burger (South of the Border Burger; Tex-Mex Burger)

Border Buttermilk (tequila sour)

Borderplex

"Borders, language, culture"

Boregonian (The Oregonian newspaper nickname)

Boremont (Beaumont nickname)

"Born Free, Taxed to Death"

"Born on third base and thinks he hit a triple" (a privileged person)

"Born, raised and protected by God, guns, guts & glory"

Borough Hall (side-arm pitch in Brooklyn)

Borough of Cemeteries (Borough of the Dead)

Borough of Homes

Borough of Universities and Parks (Bronx)

Borough That's Thorough (Brooklyn)

Boroughite (inhabitant of a borough)

Boss

"Boss, can I have a week off around Christmas?" (joke)

Boss Hog Bowl or Boss Hawg Bowl (Dallas Cowboys Stadium in Arlington)

Boss Indians Around (Bureau of Indian Affairs or BIA nickname)

"Boss makes a dollar. I make a dime. That's why I crap on company time"

"Boss makes a dollar. I make a dime. That's why I poop on company time"

"Boss makes a dollar. I make a dime. That's why I shit on company time"

"BOSS spelled backwards is double-SOB"

"Boss told me to leave my problems at the door when I come to work, so I asked him to stand outside"

"Boss: Why are you late?"/"Me: I got drunk last night and set my calculator to $5.30."

"Boss: Would you be able to pass a urine test? Me: No problem. Distance or accuracy?"

"Boss: 'You missed work yesterday, didn't you?' Me: 'Not particularly.'"

"Boss: You should have been here at 8:30! Employee: Why, what happened at 8:30?"

Bosshole (boss + asshole)

"Bosshole (noun): A person who turns into an asshole ten seconds after being made Supervisor"

Boston Cooler

Boston Iced Tea (iced tea with cranberry juice)

Boston Sour (cocktail)

Botana (Botana Platter/Botanas Platter; Botana Plate/Botanas Plate)

Botax (Botox + tax)

"Both the Democrat and the Republican are running for president of Ohio"

"Botox is a performance-enhancing drug for poker players"

Bottle Alley (47 Baxter Street)

"Bottle of Pearl, please!" (Pearl Beer slogan)

"Bottled water companies don’t produce water, they produce plastic bottles"

Bottom Dollar ("Bet your bottom dollar")

Bottom Line (Bottom-Line)

"Bottomless breadsticks implies the existence of topless breadsticks"

Bottomless Brunch

"Bottomless brunch is actually just brunch in your own home without pants on"

"Bottomless brunch refers to unlimited drinks. Please wear pants"

Bottomless Cup

"Bottoms get subtitles; tops get domtitles"

Boudain or Boudin (Boudain Balls or Boudin Balls)

"Boudin is like sex. Even if you have to buy it at a truck stop it's still pretty good"

"Bought a chicken to make sandwiches, but it just runs around the chicken clucking"

"Bought a chicken to make sandwiches. It doesn't. It poops on the floor"

"Bought a chicken to make sandwiches. It doesn't. It shits on the floor"

"Bought a Dracula themed clock. Every second Count"

"Bought a high definition dessert today. It was a creme Blu-ray"

"Bought a pedometer the other day. It came with step by step instructions"

Boula-Boula (Boula Soup; Boula Gratinee)

Boulevard of Broken Hearts or Boulevard of Broken Dreams (Wall Street)

Boulevard of Death (Queens Boulevard)

Bouncebackability

Bouncer

"Bourbon has never been recalled for e-coli. Suck it lettuce"

"Bourbon is just water living up to its full potential"

"Bourbon: Making ice taste better since 1783"

"Bourbon (noun) -- magic brown water for fun people"

"Bourbon (noun): The glue holding this shitshow together"

Bourye (bourbon + rye)

Bowen's Rule (Bowen's Law; Bowen's Revenue Theory of Cost)

Bowery Boy

"Bowery Gals" (1853)

Boweryite (inhabitant of the Bowery)

Bowie Knife

Bowl of Blessedness (Will Rogers on chili)

Bowl of Red (chili)

"Bowling is basically an hour of drinking beer occasionally interrupted by six seconds of exercise"

"Bowling is definitely the most positive thing that happens in an alley"

Box Ball (Boxball)

"Boxed wine is just an adult Capri Sun"

"Boxed wines are Capri Suns for depressed adults"

"Boxing between a squirrel and a hedgehog. The squirrel went nuts, but the hedgehog won on points"

"Boxing is a lot of white men watching two black men beat each other up"

"Boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other"

Boxing Mecca (Madison Square Garden nickname)

"Boy, did I call it or what? -- George Orwell"

"Boy From New York City" (1965)

"Boy, Hidy!" (or "Boy, Howdy!")

"Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl" (drama plot)

Boycott; Girlcott; Procott; Buycott

Boys in Blue (New York City Football Club or NYCFC nickname)

Boy's Town or Boys Town (Zona de Tolerancia; Zona Roja; Zona Rosa)

BPEC (bacon, potato egg and cheese)

Bracketology (Bracketologist)

Bradley Effect (Wilder Effect; Dinkins Effect)

Bragging Rights

"Braille is not that difficult to learn. You just have to have a feel for it"

"Brain cells die, skins cells die, even hair cells die, but fat cells..."

Brain Freeze

Brain Tablet (cigarette)

Brain Trust

"Brains are soft. Helmets are hard. Use both" (bicycle saying)

Brainstorm

Brand X

Branson of Texas (Granbury nickname)

Brass Band With a Leader (pork and beans)

Brass Band Without a Leader (beans without pork)

BRAT diet (Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, Toast)

Brat Pack

"Brave enough to inject unknown substances into the body, but afraid to breathe air"

Bravo Sierra (b.s., or bullshit)

Bravocado (bravo + avocado)

Brazilian Big Apple (São Paulo nickname)

Brazilian Day

Brazilian Film Festival

Brazos River Catfish Stew

BRC (Broadway Revival Cast)

"Bread ain't done in the middle" (stupid)

Bread-and-Butter Issue

"Bread and cheese are slang terms for money. So, I'm stacking grilled cheese sandwiches"

"Bread and water can so easily be toast and tea"

"Bread crumbs are just really small croutons"

"Bread goes into the toaster as a 'slice,' but comes out as a 'piece'"

"Bread is an edible sponge"

"Bread is like the sun. It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist"

Bread Line

"Bread sticks imply the existence of bread trees"

"Breadcrumbs are toast confetti"

"Breadsticks are just bread jerky"

"Breadsticks imply the existence of breadtrees"

"'Break a leg' dates back to Shakespeare, because you can't make a Hamlet without breaking legs"

"Break a leg!" (theatrical saying, meaning "good luck")

"Break up the Yankees!"

Break Your Spirit Airlines (Spirit Airlines nickname)

"Breakfast Anytime" ("...so I ordered French toast in the Renaissance")

Breakfast Burrito; Breakfast Taco

"Breakfast cereal is just pet food for children"

"Breakfast cereal is pet food for humans"

"Breakfast in London, lunch in New York, baggage in Buenos Aires" (airline joke)

"Breakfast is the best alarm"

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day"

Breakfast of Champions (menudo)

Breakfast Pizza

"Breakfast pizza is the most important meal of the day"

"Breakfast tacos are the most important meal of the day"

Breakfast Test (journalism axiom)

Breakfastarian

Breakup Cake

Breastaurant (breast + restaurant)

Breather (stock market pause)

"Breathing first, winning next"

"Breed the best to the best and hope for the best" (horse racing adage)

Breitbarf (Breitbart News + barf)

Breitfart (Breitbart News + fart)

Bremain (Great Britain/British + remain)

"Brew. Enjoy. Empty. Repeat" ("beer" backronym)

Brewers Row (North 11th Street, Williamsburg; Linden Street, Bushwick)

Brewski (beer)

Brexit (Great Britain/British + exit)

Brexting (breakup + texting; breastfeeding + texting)

BRIC (Brazil + Russia + India + China)

"Bricks are domesticated rocks"

Bridal Building

Bridal Row; Wedding Row

Superbas (Brooklyn baseball team)

Bridegrooms (Brooklyn baseball team)

Bridge and Tunnel People

Bridge (card game)

Bridgegate (George Washington Bridge lane closures)

Bridgetown (Portland nickname)

Briehab (brie + rehab)

Briet (bridal diet)

Brimaquonx

"Bring back $10 Chinese food, $600 apartments & $20 full tanks"

"Bring home the bacon"

"Bring ideas in and entertain them royally, for one of them may be the king"

"Bring it on!" ("Bring 'em on!")

"Bring to the table" (to contribute something)

"Bringer" show

Brisket Taco

British Accreditation Registry ("bar" backronym)

British Brainwashing Corporation (British Broadcasting Corporation or BBC nickname)

British Bullshit Corporation (British Broadcasting Corporation or BBC nickname)

British Invasion (Broadway in the 1950s; rock and roll music in the 1960s)

"British people be like 'I am Bri ish' because they drank the T"

Brixit (Great Britain/British + exit)

"Bro even sleeping gettin boring now"

"Bro, you want this pamphlet?"/"Brochure"

"Broadway Baby" (1971)

Broadway Bible (New York Morning Telegraph, Variety nickname)

Broadway Bible (New York Morning Telegraph, Variety nickname)

Broadway Blueshirts

Broadway Bowl

Broadway Brownie

Broadway (Coca-Cola with vanilla ice cream)

Broadway Country Club/42nd Street Country Club (Knickerbocker Hotel bar)

Broadway Diner (on Lexington Avenue)

Broadway Flip Sundae

"Broadway implies the existence of a Narroway"

"Broadway implies the existence of a Narrowway"

Broadway North (Toronto, Canada nickname)

Broadway on Broadway

Broadway Show League

Broadway (slang for flashy dresser, loud talker)

"Broadway (So Many People)" (2005)

Broadway soda

Broadway Under the Stars

Broadwayite

Broadwayite

Broadwayite

"Broadway's a great street when you're going up. When you're going down — take Sixth Avenue."

"Broccoli implies the existence of a single broccolus"

"Broccoli implies the existence of sisccoli"

"Broccoli might get stuck in your teeth, but french fries will get stuck on your ass"

"Broke as a joke"

"Broke is temporary, but poor is a state of mind"

"Broken cookies don't have calories"

"Broken crayons still color"

"Broken trust is like a melted chocolate..."

Broken Windows; COMPSTAT; CAPSTAT

Broker Babble

Bronx Beauty (nickname of lightweight boxer Al Singer)

Bronx Bomber (nickname of lightweight boxer Al Singer)

Bronx Bombers (New York Yankees nickname)

Bronx Cheer

Bronx Cocktail

Bronx Crepes Suzette (blintzes)

Bronx Grape (Bronx Seedless Grape)

Bronx Indian or Brooklyn Indian

Bronx Riviera (Orchard Beach)

Bronx Salute

Bronx Toilet (Yankee Stadium)

Bronx Vanilla (garlic)

Bronxite (inhabitant of the Bronx)

"BROOK-LYN!" (Brooklyn chant)

Brookhattan (Brooklyn + Manhattan)

Brookhaven: Crookhaven (nickname)

BrooklyKnight or Brooklyn Knight (Brooklyn Nets mascot)

Brooklyn Blackout (ice cream)

Brooklyn Bombers (Brooklyn Dodgers nickname)

Brooklyn born, Brooklyn bred, and when I die I'll be Brooklyn dead

Brooklyn Boys (delirium tremens)

Brooklyn chewing gum (from Italy)

Brooklyn Clothesline

Brooklyn Cocktail

Brooklyn Country Music

Brooklyn Eats!

Brooklyn Fade or Brooklyn Blowout (haircut)

Brooklyn Grit

Brooklyn Hilton (Brooklyn Detention Complex)

Brooklyn International Film Festival

"Brooklyn is the bedroom of New York"

Brooklyn Jawbreaker (bagel)

"Brooklyn looks like an ice skating dragon"

Brooklyn National Anthem ("Spring is sprung...")

"Brooklyn of Seoul" (Seongsu-dong, South Korea)

"Brooklyn of Tokyo" (Daikanyamach?, Shibuya, Tokyo, Japan)

Brooklyn-Queens Day

Brooklyn Side, New York Side (tenpins)

"Brooklyn-Style" Pizza

Brooklyn (vanilla and caramel frappuccino)

Brooklyn Wooley

"Brooklyn Zoo" (1995)

Brooklynesque

Brooklynettes (Brooklyn Nets cheerleaders/dancers)

Brooklynification

Brooklynite (inhabitant of Brooklyn)

Brooklyn's Backcourt (Brooklyn Nets' guards)

Brooklyn's Eiffel Tower (Coney Island Parachute Jump)

Brooklyn's Jewel or Brooklyn's Backyard (Prospect Park)

Brooklyn's Little Harlem (Bedford-Stuyvesant)

Brooklyn's Restaurant Row (Smith Street)

Brooklyn's Secret Suburb (Ditmas Park, Brooklyn)

Brooknam (Brooklyn + Vietnam)

"Broomstick parking only. All others will be toad"

Brosé (bro + rosé)

Brosurance (bro + insurance)

"Broth is just meat tea"

"Brothel? Oh, I'm not looking to make soup"

"Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?" (1932)

Brother-in-Law Sandwich (chopped beef, hot links and cheese)

Brother Jonathan (summary)

Brown Bag Special ("crack kit")

"Brown eggs are local eggs and local eggs are fresh"

Brown Sadness Water (decaf coffee)

Brown Santa

Brownie Butts

Brownie; Meter Maid

Brownstone

Brownstone Belt

Brownstone Front Cake

Brownsville: Never Ran, Never Will

Brownsvillian (inhabitant of Brownsville)

"Brunch is breakfast without an alarm clock"

"Brunch (noun): the socially acceptable excuse for day drinking"

Brush Country

"Brussels sprouts are just cabbage nuggets"

Brut (cocktail)

Brutus Salad

Bryanite (inhabitant of Bryan)

Bryant Park Summer Film Festival

BS-19 (bullshit + COVID-19)

BSPN (ESPN nickname)

BTFATH (Buy The Fucking All Time High)

BTFD (Buy The Fucking Dip)

BTFGS (Buy The Fucking Government Shutdown)

BTFVIX

BTFWWIII (Buy The Fucking World War III)

Bubba Dump (Bubba Gump Shrimp Company nickname)

"Bubba likes it" (Lone Star Cafe slogan)

Bubba-Q

Bubbaland or Bubba-land or Bubbaville or Deep Bubba (South Austin)

Bubbemycin or Bubbe-mycin (Jewish chicken soup)

Bubble Dancer (a person who washes dishes)

"Bubble tea sucks balls"

Bubblecovery (bubble + recovery)

Bubblenomics (bubble + economics)

"Bubbles are for bathtubs" (housing bubble)

Bubblevision (bubble + television)

Buchanan: Fukushima on the Hudson (Indian Point Energy Center nickname)

Buchanan: Chernobyl on the Hudson (Indian Point Energy Center nickname)

Buck nun (bachelor)

"Bucket list: 1. Bucket, 2. Ice, 3. Beer"

Buckle (Blueberry Buckle; Peach Buckle)

"Buckle up! It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car" (bumper sticker)

"Buckle up your guts"

Buckley Rule (vote for most conservative primary candidate likely to win general election)

Buckraker (buck + muckraker)

Bucktown (Brownsville, Brooklyn or the borough of Brooklyn)

Bud and Breakfast (marijuana bud + bed and breakfast)

Buda (summary)

Buddha Jumps Over the Wall or Buddha's Temptation (Fo Tiao Qiang)

Buddha's Delight or Buddhist Delight (vegetarian dish)

"Budget: A mathematical confirmation of your suspicions"

Budget Axe (Budget Ax)

Buffalo: Beef-on-Weck

Buffalo: Bison City (nickname)

Buffalo: Bomber Sandwich

Buffalo: "Buffalo. For Real" (slogan)

Buffalo: Buffalo Sundae (ice cream sundae)

Buffalo: Buffalove (Buffalo + love)

Buffalo: Chicken Wings or Buffalo Wings

Buffalo (city name etymology)

Buffalo: City of Good Neighbors (nickname)

Buffalo: City of Light (nickname)

Buffalo: City of No Illusions (nickname)

Buffalo: Electric City of the Future (nickname)

Buffalo: Nickel City (nickname)

Buffalo: Peanut Sticks

Buffalo: Pizza Logs

Buffalo: Queen City of the Lakes (nickname)

Buffalo: Spaghetti Parm (Spaghetti Parmesan)

Buffalo: Sponge Candy

Buffalo Sundae

"'Buffet' is a French word that means 'get up and get it yourself'"

Buffetiquette (buffet + etiquette)

Buggering British Children (British Broadcasting Corporation or BBC nickname)

"Bugled to Jesus" (to die)

"Bugs Bunny won't accept any files through WeTransfer or Google Drive. Use a WhatsApp doc"

Buharlem or Bukharlem (Bukhara + Harlem)

"Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a night..." (joke)

"Build Back Better -- brought to you by people who have never built anything"

"Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs"

"Building 7 didn't demolish itself"

"Building 7 didn't kill itself"

"Building cul-de-sacs is a dead end job"

"Building Seven didn't demolish itself"

"Building Seven didn't kill itself"

"Built by bonds"

Built On Self Success ("boss" backronym)

Bukharan Broadway or Bukharian Broadway (108th Street in Rego Park, Queens)

Bulb Belt (Broadway)

Bulgogi Burger (Bulgoki Burger)

"Bulimic cannibal at rave throws hands up"

Bulldog Edition

Bull Dozers or Bulldozers (similar to Southwestern Eggrolls)

Bull Dyke or Bulldyker (dyke or dike); Bulldyking

Bull Market

"Bull markets are born on pessimism, grow on skepticism, mature on optimism, and die on euphoria"

"Bull riding is one of those sports that got started by 'Watch this. hold my beer'"

Bull Shit (Bachelor of Science or BS backronym)

Bullet Sandwich

"Bullets and fireworks are the only things that do their job after they are fired"

"Bullets are the only things that do their job after they're fired"

Bullionaire (bullion + -aire)

"Bullish on America" (Merrill Lynch)

"Bulls and bears make money, but pigs get slaughtered" (Wall Street adage)

Bullshit Insider (Business Insider nickname)

Bullshit Labor Statistics (Bureau of Labor Statistics or BLS nickname)

Bulltard (bull + retard)

Bullwinkle District

Bully Pulpit

Bum Rap (undeserved criminal punishment)

Bum Steer

Bum Steer Awards (Texas Monthly)

Bumbleberry Pie (Bumble Berry Pie)

Bumbling Bomber

"Bump, set, spike" (volleyball axiom)

Bumper Thumper (minor automobile accident)

"Bumping elbows is the new first base"

Bumpitrage (bump + arbitrage)

Bunch of Assholes (Bank of America nickname)

Bundthole or Bundt hole (the hole in a Bundt cake)

Bungler-in-Chief (an incompetent top executive)

Bunnette

"Bunnies are cuddly, the large and the small. I like chocolate ones the best of them all"

"Bunny kisses and Easter wishes"

Buñuelos

Bureau of Incompetent Asses (Bureau of Indian Affairs or BIA nickname)

Bureau of Land Mismanagement (Bureau of Land Management or BLM nickname)

Bureau of Large Mistakes (Bureau of Land Management or BLM nickname)

Bureau of Lies and Statistics (Bureau of Labor Statistics or BLS nickname)

Bureau of Livestock and Mining (Bureau of Land Management or BLM nickname)

Bureau of Wrecklamation (Bureau of Reclamation nickname)

"Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status"

"Bureaucracy is a method for transforming energy into solid waste"

"Bureaucracy is the art of making the possible impossible"

Bureaucratese or Bureaucrapese (bureaucratic language)

"Bureaucrats cut red tape -- lengthwise"

Bureaucrazy (bureaucracy + crazy)

Bureaustan (bureau + -stan)

Bureauweenie (bureaucrat + weenie)

Burger (from "hamburger")

Burger King Kids

"Burgers are just meat Oreos"

"Burglars please carry ID so we can notify next of kin"

Burma Road (Asian restaurants on 52nd Street, between 6th and 7th Avenues)

Burn the British (toasted English muffin)

Burnham's Folly (Flatiron Building)

"Burnt is just another flavor"

"Burnt spaghetti is called Al Dante"

"Burpees? I thought you said 'beer please'"

"Burpees? I thought you said Slurpees"

"Burpees? Yeah, no. I thought you said Slurpees"

Burrito

"Burritos are like blunts. If you can't roll, get a bowl"

"Burritos are like blunts made out of food"

"Burritos are sleeping bags for ground beef"

"Burritos as big as your head" (restaurant sign)

"Burritos brought to life!" (Blockheads)

"Bury the lede" ("Bury the lead")

Bus Festival

Bus (slang term for ambulance)

Bus Station of Airports (LaGuardia Airport nickname)

Busboy or Bus Boy ("busing" tables)

"Buses have the route number on the back so you can confirm that it was your bus you just missed"

Bush League

Bushwickan (inhabitant of Bushwick, Brooklyn)

Bushwicker (inhabitant of Bushwick, Brooklyn)

Bushwickian (inhabitant of Bushwick, Brooklyn)

"Busier than a one-armed paper hanger"

"Busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest"

"Business conventions show how many people a company can operate without"

Business Improvement District (BID)

"Business was so bad they were shooting deer in the balcony" (Broadway saying)

"Business without profit is not business any more than a pickle is a candy"

Buster Brown (United Parcel Service or UPS nickname)

"Busy, blessed and booked"

"Busy, booked and blessed"

"But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all. New York has great water for coffee"

"But first, cocktails"

"But first, coffee"

"But first, iced coffee"

"But for a beautiful moment in time we created a lot of value for shareholders"

"But I think I love fall most of all"

"But if that was true it would be on the news"

But It's Not Google (Bing backronym)

Butlersburg (Empire City Race Track nickname)

Butt-chugging (alcohol enema)

Butt Fumble (2012 NY Jets football fumble)

Butter-and-Egg Man

"Butter is bread lube"

"Butter is food lotion"

"Butter is just lotion for bread"

"Butter is just lotion for pancakes"

"Butter is just lotion for toast"

"Butter is just toast lube"

Butterfield Effect (Butterfield Fallacy; Butterfield Paradox)

Butterfly Cut (cooking technique)

Butterhorn (pastry)

Buttermilk Channel

Buttermilk Dressing (Buttermilk Salad Dressing)

Buttermilk Pie

"Butternut squash is a real let down. No butter. No nuts. Just squash"

"Butternut squash sounds dirty"

"Butternut squash soup is just a hot vegetable smoothie"

ButtFeed (butt + BuzzFeed)

"Buy art, not cocaine"

"Buy art, not drugs"

"Buy cheap, buy twice"

"Buy 'em when they're sleepin', hold 'em when they're creepin', sell 'em when they're leapin'"

"Buy in gloom, sell in boom"

"Buy land -- they ain't making any more of it"

"Buy low, sell high" (Wall Street proverb)

"Buy on the fringe and wait. Buy land near a growing city!"

"Buy on the rumor, sell on the news" (Wall Street proverb)

"Buy one beer for the price of two, and get the second beer free"

"Be right and sit tight" ("Buy right and sit tight"/"Buy right and hold tight")

Buy/Sell the Brooklyn Bridge

"Buy sheep, sell deer"

"Buy someone for what they're worth; sell them for what they think they'll bring"

"Buy stocks that go up; if they don't go up, don't buy them" (Will Rogers)

"Buy straw hats in the winter" (Wall Street proverb)

"Buy the best and cry only once"

"Buy the book before you buy the coin" (coin collecting adage)

"Buy the dips, sell the rips" (Wall Street adage)

"Buy the worst house in the best neighborhood" (real estate adage)

"Buy to the roar of cannon and sell to the sound of trumpets" (Wall Street adage)

"Buy when there's blood in the streets" (Baron Rothschild in 1871)

"Buy wind chimes. It’s a pretty sound investment"

"Buy with bread, sell with cheese" (wine saying)

"Buy wisely. Cook carefully"

"Buyers are liars and sellers are, too" (real estate saying)

"Buying an airline ticket is like paying shipping and handling for yourself"

"Buying groceries is starting to make me wonder what a pine cone tastes like!"

"Buying groceries with NO foodstamps should help boost ya credit score"

"Buying groceries without food stamps should boost your credit score"

"Buying insurance is almost the exact opposite of buying a lottery ticket"

Buying Stampede

Buzz Bar (coffee and alcohol bar)

Buzzard Boulevard (Broadway)

Buzzard's Breath Chili

Buzzetti

BW3 (Buffalo Wild Wings & Weck nickname)

Bwanker (banker + wanker)

B'way (Broadway)

BX (Bronx)

By Hammer and Hand All Arts Do Stand (Mercantile Library)

"By law, you are required to turn on your headlights if it's raining in Sweden" (joke)

"By Newton's Third Law of motion, for every pulled pork sandwich, there is a pushed pork sandwich"

"By way of Canarsie" (Canarsie, Brooklyn)

"By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually be the boss and work twelve hours"

BYOB (Bring Your Own Bag)

BYOB (Bring Your Own Bottle, Bring Your Own Beer); BYOL (Bring Your Own Liquor)

BYOM (Bring Your Own Meat)

"C, E flat and G walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

C-note ($100 bill)

Cab Calloway's "Hepster's Dictionary" (1938, 1944)

Cabal News Network (CNN nickname)

Cabbage Night (October 30th)

"Cabbage: the age of a taxi"

"Cabernet? More like, caber-yay!"

"Cabinet installer arrested! Charged with counter fitting"

"Cacti are just goth cucumbers"

Cactus Capital of Texas (Sanderson nickname)

Cadillac Health Plan (Cadillac Tax)

Cadillac of Burgers (P.J. Clarke's bacon cheeseburger)

Cadillac of Poker (Texas Hold 'em nickname)

Cadillac of Poker (Texas Hold 'em nickname)

Caesar Salad

Caesarism

"Café au lait? I thought it was café olé! Like 'coffee, alright!'"

Café Brûlot (Café Brûlot Diabolique)

Cafe Society

Cafeteria

Cafeteria Germ (clostridium perfringens nickname)

"Caffeine is PG-13 cocaine"

"Caffeine is the foundation of my food pyramid"

"Caffeine is the new black"

"Caffeine isn't a drug, it's a vitamin"

"Caffeine: The other Vitamin C" ("Coffee: The other Vitamin C")

Cajeta

Cajun Capital of Texas (Port Arthur nickname)

Cajun Egg Rolls (Cajun Eggrolls)

Cajun Fries

Cajun Ketchup (Tabasco sauce nickname)

Cajun Microwave (La Caja China; Roasting Box)

Cake Day (New Year's Day, from Scotland)

"Cake is just dessert lasagna"

Cake Shake (Junior’s New Yorker Cake Shake)

"Cake solves everything"

Caketastrophe (cake + catastrophe)

Cala (rice fritter)

"Calamari are a rich man's onion rings"

"Calamari are just boujee onion rings"

"Calamari are just chewy onion rings"

"Calamari are just Italian onion rings"

"Calamari are the onion rings of the sea"

Calas ("Belle Calas! Tout chauds!")

Calas ("Belle Calas! Tout chauds!")

Calatrasaurus (Santiago Calatrava-designed World Trade Center Transportation Hub)

Calendar Girl

Calf Fries

"Calf fries are the original sack lunch"

Calf Slobber (Calf Slobbers)

California: Commiefornia (nickname)

California Dip or French Onion Dip

"California has four seasons -- Earthquake, Fire, Flood and Drought"

California of Texas (Clyde nickname)

Call Drink

Call Girl

"Call me a taxi."/"You're a taxi!"

"Call me an Uber."/"You're an Uber!"

"Call me anything, but don't call me late for dinner"

"Call me butter because I'm on a roll"

"Call me weird but I like all my money facing the same way"

"Call them 'Armadillos' because the team gets killed on the road"

"Called my stockbroker this morning and asked him what I should be buying.....he said canned goods"

"Called my stockbroker this morning and asked him what should I be buying? He said, 'Canned goods'"

"Calling All Men," "Select, Don't Settle," "No Bunk. No Junk. No Imitations" (Barney's)

"Calling children strong and able -- clear your dishes off the table"

"Calling it a 'beer run' implies exercise, but calling it 'beer mission' implies importance"

"Calling your life a journey doesn't make it any less of a disaster"

Calm The Fuck Down (CTFD)

Calorically Challenged or Calorically Gifted (fat)

"Calories in one pistachio: 4. Calories burned opening one pistachio: 3,146. Take that, kale"

"Calories (noun) -- Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes tighter"

"Calves for the chavs" (weightlifting sayng)

Calzone

"Calzones are just Italian burritos"

"Calzones are just Italian empanadas"

Cambodian Cheese (prahok nickname)

Camel's Nose

"Camera catches looters stealing trillions" (Congress joke)

Camp Body

Campechana (seafood cocktail)

Campechanas

Campechanos

"Camper: Is it easy to milk a cow? Farmer: Sure it is. Any jerk can do it."

"Camping is just being homeless for fun"

"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business"

"Camping is technically being homeless for fun"

"Camping: Where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person"

"Can a blind person eat seafood?"

"Can a hamburger marry a hot dog?"/"Only if they have a very frank relationship."

"Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?" (joke)

"Can a monitored soul be free?"

"Can a news story electrocute somebody? The answer may shock you"

"Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?" (riddle)

"Can anyone recommend a good breakfast wine?"

Can Do Shipyard (Brooklyn Navy Yard)

"Can February March?"/"No, but April May."

Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips (Chevrolet backronymic nickname)

"Can I call you back in a few cups of coffee?"

"Can I call you back in a few margaritas?"

"Can I call you back in a few mimosas?"

"Can I claim the government as a dependent on my taxes?"

"Can I pour you a beer?"/"It's a little early, isn't it?...For stupid questions."

"Can I think of any red wine puns? You bet Shiraz I can"

"Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?"

"Can someone give me a rough idea of how much a ball park would cost?"

"Can someone give me a rough idea of how much a ballpark would cost?"

"Can someone please explain the scientific logic of wearing a mask on a Zoom call?"

"Can someone please explain why I have to pay full price for Swiss cheese?"

"Can someone tell me what the National Constipation Society have been tweeting about? I'm blocked"

"Can we all agree to temporarily raise the bar for what’s considered an 'alcoholic?'"

"Can we eliminate clickbait journalism? The answer may surprise you"

"Can we talk?" (Joan Rivers comic catchphrase)

"Can we try turning the country off and on again?"

"Can we uninstall 2020 and install it again? This version has a virus"

"Can we uninstall 2020 and reinstall it? I believe it has a virus"

"Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?"

"Can you buy clothes pegs online?" (joke)

"Can you give me a lift?"/"Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."

"Can you name a Japanese weapon?"/"Shuriken."

"Can you name a Japanese weapon?"/"Sure I can."

"Can you put vodka in a humidifier? Asking for a friend"

"Can you strangle a mime with a cordless phone?"

"Can you tell me the Japanese word for a ninja throwing star?"/"Sure I can."

"Can you tell me when the next train is coming?"/"Look online." (joke)

"Can you tell me when the next train is coming?"/"Look online." ("on line" pun)

"Can you turn on the oven?"/"The oven simply does not find me sexually attractive."

"Can you use 'Mountain Dew' in a sentence?" ("Mount and Do" pun)

"Can zombies do yoga?"/"Of corpse knot!"

"Canada Dry implies the existence of Canada Moist"

"Canada Dry implies the existence of Canada Wet"

Canadian Brainwashing Corporation (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation or CBC nickname)

"Canadian buffet. All Yukon eat"

Canadian Bullshit Corporation (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation or CBC nickname)

"Canadian Mallomars are called Whippets"

Canajoharie: Flavor-Town (nickname)

"Canapé. Scottish for, I don't have the money"

Canarsien (inhabitant of Canarsie, Brooklyn)

"Cancel culture was created because the left cannot survive in a marketplace of free ideas"

"Cancel my subscription -- I don't need your issues"

CanDo (Canal Downtown)

Candy Apple (Red Candy Apple)

Candy Bar (Chocolate Bar)

Candy Cane

Candy Cane Lane

"Candy cane wishes and mistletoe kisses"

Candy Corn

"Candy corn is just corn turned into corn syrup then back into corn"

"Candy corn is the raisin of the candy world"

"Candy corn: The texture may be gross but at least the flavor is terrible"

"Candy corn: The texture may be off-putting but at least the flavor is horrible"

"Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker"

"Candy is dandy, but wine is divine"

Cannabisque (cannabis + bisque)

Cannaboutique (cannabis + boutique)

Canned Apple (Big Apple dance + Can-Can dance)

Canned Apple (Big Apple dance + Can-Can dance, 1937)

"Cannibal 1: Your wife makes great soup. Cannibal 2: Yes, but I'll miss her."

"Cannibal implies the existence of cannotibal"

"Cannibal implies the existence of cantibal"

Cannibal Sandwich ("hamburger in the raw" or "beef tartar")

"Cannibal's favorite appetizer: Chef Salad"

"Cannibals take being a people person to one fucked-up level"

"Cannibals will never go hungry. They can always make themselves a snack"

Cannonball Park (John Paul Jones Park nickname)

Canntibal (can't + cannibal)

"Can’t believe they let just anyone make babies but you gotta have a license to fucking fish"

"Can't dance and it's too wet to plow"

Can't Do Crap (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

"Can't fight his way out of a paper bag"

Can't Find The Crooks (CFTC backronymic nickname)

"Can't find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly"

"Can't hit the broad side of a barn" (baseball saying)

Can't Pass Again (CPA backronymic nickname)

Can't Produce Anything (CPA backronymic nickname)

"Can't rub two nickels together" (poor)

"I can't speak for anyone else, but I think I'm a terrible ventriloquist"

"Can’t wait for the day I walk down the aisle and hear those magical words: 'Captain speaking...'"

"Can’t wait til they legalize outside"

"Can’t wait til tomorrow. I have another big day of hand washing & looking out the window planned"

"Can’t wait till they legalize outside"

"Can’t wait to get off work, then I can finally stop staring at this damn computer..."

"Can't wait to make a huge Thanksgiving dinner so my child can eat one roll"

"Can't wait until they legalize outside"

Cantibal (can't + cannibal)

Cantina (Cantinera)

Cantors' Carnegie Hall (First Roumanian-American Congregation)

Cape Codder (cocktail)

Capeesh (Italian for "understand")

CapEx (Capital Expenditure)

Capirotada (Mexican Bread Pudding)

Capisce (Italian for "understand")

"Capital goes where it's welcome and stays where it's well treated"

"Capital is a coward"

Capital of Everything

Capital of Latin America (Miami nickname)

Capital of the Border (El Paso slogan)

Capital of the World

"Capital punishment means them without the capital get the punishment"

"Capital Punishment: The income tax"

"Capitalism: Bread is lined up waiting for people. Socialism: People line up waiting for bread"

"Capitalism: Funding all other -isms since 4000 BC"

"Capitalism: Funding all other -isms since 1776"

"Capitalism implies the existence of lowercaseism"

"Capitalism is controlled by an 'invisible hand' that gives most people the invisible finger"

"Capitalism is the belief that the wickedest of men will do wicked things for the greatest good"

"Capitalism is the legitimate racket of the ruling class"

"Capitalism turns luxuries into necessities. Socialism turns necessities into luxuries"

"Capitalism without failure is like religion without sin. It doesn't work"

"Capitalism without socialism is fascism. Socialism without capitalism is communism"

"Capitalism: Work or starve. Communism: Work and starve"

Capitalism's International Army (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

Capitalism's Invisible Army (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

Capitalist Bible (Wall Street Journal nickname)

Capitalist Bible (Wall Street Journal nickname)

"Capitalist hell or Communist hell" (joke)

Capitalist Tool (Forbes magazine slogan)

Capitol Hill (Washington, D.C.)

Cappuccello (iced coffee drink with lemon juice)

"Cappuchinos -- coffee colored cotton pants"

Cappuccino

"Cappuccino is the dessert form of coffee"

Cappuchino (cappuccino + chinos)

Capri Salad or Caprese Salad (Insalata Caprese)

"Capri Sun is White Claw for kids"

CAPS LOCK-AMERICAN

Capstone Cabal

Car Owner Virus ("coronavirus" malapropism)

Caracas on the Hudson

Caramel Apple

Caramel Macchiato

"Caramels are just a fad, but chocolate is a permanent thing"

Carboholic

"Carbonated water is just liquid tv static"

"Carbonated water tastes like tv static"

"Carbs don't count on Sunday"

"Carbs don't count on Sundays"

"Carbs on Sunday don't count. Those are the Lord's carbs and He wants you to be happy"

"Cardamom implies the existence of at least one cardachild"

"Cardamom implies the existence of cardadad"

"Cardamom implies the existence of cardadad and cardafamily"

Cardinals (St. Louis baseball team in the National League)

Career Is Over (Chief Information Officer or CIO nickname)

"Careful girls, fat guys just wanna get inside your pantries"

"Careful, girls, fat guys just want to get into your pantries"

"Careful, I drink coffee stronger than your feelings"

"Careful ladies, fat guys just want to get in your pantries"

"Careful snowflake, I drink coffee stronger than your feelings"

"Cargo space?"/"Car no do that. Car go road."

Carmageddon (car + Armageddon); Carpocalypse (car + apocalypse)

Carnaval Del Boulevard

Carne Asada (Carne Asado)

Carne Guisada

Carnegie-Ford-Rockefeller (Council on Foreign Relations or CFR nickname)

Carnegie Hall of Cuisine (James Beard House nickname)

"Carpe Vino" (seize the wine)

Carpet Gun

Carpetbag Steak

Carpocalypse (car + apocalypse); Carmageddon (car + Armageddon)

Carriage Trade

Carrolltonian (inhabitant of Carrollton)

Carrot-and-Stick (Stick-and-Carrot)

"Carrot juice is technically orange juice"

Carrot-Raisin Salad

"Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way"

"Carrots may be good for your eyes, but alcohol will double your vision"

"Carrots may be good for your eyes, but booze will double your vision"

Carry/hold a torch for someone

Carthaginian (inhabitant of Carthage, Texas)

Cartoon News Network (Cable News Network or CNN nickname)

"Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy"

Caruso (cocktail)

Carvel (Flying Saucer, Wednesday is Sundae, et al.)

"Carvers are starvers" (carving adage)

"Carving a pumpkin is a great activity if you're in an artsy mood and also feel like stabbing..."

Carwashero (carwash worker)

Cary Grant (cocktail)

Casedemic (case + -demic)

Cash Cow

"Cash is the currency of freedom"

Cash on the Sidelines

"Cashier in supermarket: You have 12 items. This is the 10 items only queue. Can't you read?" (joke)

"Cashier: The self-checkout is available. Customer: I don't work here."

"Cashier wanted. Must be 18 years old with 20 years experience"

Cashtration (cash + castration)

Casting Couch

Casuey (South Texas term for "bucking")

Cat Alley (Cannon Street)

Cat Café

Cat Dog Cat Corporation (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Cat Food Commission or Catfood Commission (Deficit Commission nickname)

Cat Pack

Catalina Coupon

"Cataract is the third biggest cause of blindness. Religion and politics remain the first two"

"Catastrophe: when a taxidermist mounts the wrong end of the lion"

Catbird Seat or Cat Bird Seat (a superior or advantageous position)

"Catch and kill" (buying and burying a news story)

"Catch flights, not feelings"

"Catch-up hockey is losing hockey" (hockey adage)

"Catchers make the best managers" (baseball adage)

"Catches win matches" (cricket adage)

Catchupcino or Catchupino (catch up + cappuccino)

Catchupino or Catchupcino (catch up + cappuccino)

Catfish Capital of Texas (West Tawakoni)

Catfish Toes

Cathedral of Asphalt (Asphalt Green)

Cathedral of Baseball (Yankee Stadium)

Cathedral of Commerce (Woolworth Building)

Cathedral of the Skies (Empire State Building)

Cathedral of the Motion Picture (Roxy Theatre)

Ike Dike (proposed Texas Gulf Coast flooding barrier)

Catholic Intelligence Agency (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

"Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos"

"Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them"

Catskill Mountains: Yiddish Alps (nickname)

Catskill Mountains: Borscht Belt or Borscht Circuit (nickname)

Catskill Mountains: Catskill Mountain Rock

Catskill Mountains: "Catskill Mountains? Don't cats kill mice?"

Catskill Mountains: Jewish Alps (nickname)

Catskill Mountains: Sour Cream Alps (nickname)

Cattalo or Catalo or Cattelo (cattle + buffalo)

"Cattle come first, then men, then horses, then women"

Caucus

"Cauliflower is just albino broccoli"

"Cauliflower is just ghost broccoli"

"Cauliflower is just scared broccoli"

"CAUTION: I brake for no apparent reason"

"Caution: May bite before caffeine"

"CAUTION: May bite before coffee (and after too)"

"Caution! This vehicle makes frequent stops at your mom's house" (bumper sticker)

"Caution: When someone says get a grip, apparently around their neck is NOT what they meant"

"Cautions breed cautions" (auto racing adage)

Caviar of the South (boiled peanuts)

Caviar of the South (grits)

Caviar of the South (pimento cheese)

"Cavities are like parking tickets, they show up by surprise and take all your pocket money"

CBGB & OMFUG

CBO (cheddar-bacon-onion sandwich)

C.C.N.Y. (Christian College Now Yiddish)

"CDC said y’all can start using your blinkers"

Cedar Chopper

Cedar Hillbillies (inhabitants of Cedar Hill)

Cedar Parker (inhabitant of Cedar Park)

"Ceiling fans are just helicopter blades that didn't study hard enough"

"Ceiling fans are just mobiles for adults"

"Ceiling fans are really just helicopters who gave up on their dreams and opted for an office job"

"Celebrate Holy Week by flogging a banker. It's what Jesus would have done"

"Celebrate Holy Week. Flog a banker"

"Celebrate Presidents' Day by making a promise you have no intentions of keeping!"

"Celebrate your freedom this 4th of July by stopping by a government checkpoint"

Celebutante

"Celery farmers play the stalk market"

"Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza"

"Celery is basically just grass with water retention"

"Celery is just crunchy water"

"Celery is just crunchy grass-flavored water"

"Celery is just glorified grass"

"Celery is nature's dental floss"

"Celery is the only food that has both ranch dressing and peanut butter as acceptable toppings"

"Celery is what happens when you tell grass it can be anything it wants to be"

Celery Soda or Celery Tonic (Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray soda)

"Celery: When you have that sudden urge to bite into water with hair in it"

"Cell phones keep getting thinner and smarter...people the opposite"

"Cells multiply when they divide"

Cement Doughnut or Cement Donut (bagel)

Cemetery Belt (Glendale)

Cemetery Vote

Cenosillicaphobia (fear of an empty glass)

"Cenosillicaphobia -- the fear of an empty glass"

"Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it"

"Censorship is the child of fear and the father of ignorance"

"Censorship is the child of fear, the father of ignorance, desperate weapon of fascists everywhere"

"Censorship is the hallmark of neoliberalism"

"Censorship is the life blood of neoliberalism"

"Censorship is the tool used when lies lose their power"

CensorTube (YouTube nickname)

Center for American Regress (Center for American Progress nickname)

Center for Death and Chaos (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Center for Death and Corruption (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Center for Death Control (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Center for Democratic Communists (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Center for Democratic Control (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Center for Denial and Confusion (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Center for Deranged Communists (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Center for Disease Continuance (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Center for Disease Creation (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Center for Disease Crimes (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Center for Disinformation and Confusion (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Center of the Earth (Center of the World)

Centers for Depopulation and Control (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Centers for Disease Contradiction and Confusion (CDC nickname)

Centers for Doubt & Confusion (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Centers to Deceive and Control (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Central Banks' Central Bank (Bank for International Settlements or BIS nickname)

Central Distressway (Central Expressway in Dallas)

Central Park SummerStage

Centre of the Universe (Toronto, Canada nickname)

Centroplex (Belton/Killeen/Temple nickname)

Cereal Bar

"Cereal belongs in a bowl" (football joke)

"Cereal boxes never state milk is sold separately"

"Cereal is a bread salad with milk dressing"

"Cereal is breakfast soup"

"Cereal is just milk soup"

"Cereal is just pet food for people"

"Cereal is like pet food for humans"

"Cereal tastes better at night"

"Cereal tastes much better at night"

Certainly Not News (CNN nickname)

Certificate Of Vaccination ID (COVID backronym)

Certificate Of Vaccine ID (COVID backronym)

Certified Idiots of America (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

Chainstaurant (chain + restaurant)

Chaircreature (Chairman of the Federal Reserve nickname)

Chairsatan (Chairman of the Federal Reserve nickname)

"Chalk it up to experience"

Chalk Night (October 30th)

Challahpeño or Challapeño (challah + jalapeño)

Challapeño or Challahpeño (challah + jalapeño)

Chalupa

Chalupa Burger

"Chalupas are just flat tacos"

Chambong (champagne + bong)

"Chamomile implies the existence of chamokilometer"

"Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody"

Champagne of the South (sweet tea)

"Champagne taste on a beer budget"

"Champagne to our real friends, and real pain to our sham friends"

Champagne Unit (Texas Air National Guard nickname)

"Champagne wishes and caviar dreams"

"Champions are made when nobody is watching" (sports and exercise adage)

"Champions don't become champions in the ring -- they are merely recognized there"

Champurrado

Chancy Street (Chauncey Street, Brooklyn)

Change Decisions Constantly (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

"Change doesn't come from Washington; change comes to Washington"

"Change is good, but dollars are better"

"Change is inevitable -- except from a vending machine"

"Change planes in Dallas" (where a Texan going to heaven or hell goes first)

"Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable"

"Change the world. Start with coffee"

"Change your plate. Change your fate"

Changes Decisions Constantly (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

"Changing Lives Since 1812" (New York City Mission Society)

"Channel the flannel" (winter saying)

Chair Force (Air Force nickname)

"Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow"

"Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose"

Charbucks (Starbucks nickname)

"Charcuterie boards are just Lunchables for adults"

"Charity, please" (Halloween request)

Charity Stripe (basketball free-throw line)

"Charles Dickens walks into a bar..." (bar joke)

Charley Horse (Charlie Horse)

Charlie Taylor (butter substitute)

Charlotte Russe

Charm City (Baltimore nickname)

Charm of the Texas Coast (Rockport-Fulton nickname)

Charm Offensive

Charro Beans (Frijoles Charros; Frijoles a la Charra; Cowboy Beans)

Charter School

Chartichoke (Arctic char + artichoke)

Charticle (chart + article)

"Chase your passion, not your pension"

Chat-Down

"Cheap alcohol in suburbs is called subourbon whiskey"

"Cheap beer is like having sex in a canoe" (joke)

Cheap Charlie (candy store)

"Cheap service isn't good and good service isn't cheap"

Cheapatarianism (cheap + vegetarianism); Cheapatarian

Cheapuccino or Cheappuccino (cheap + cappuccino)

Cheat Every One (Chief Executive Officer or CEO nickname)

"Cheat on your boyfriend, not on your workout"

"Cheat on your girlfriend, not on your workout"

"Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater"

Cheater Ribs

"Check a story, lose a story"

Check Pants Republican (Check Pants Conservative)

"Check, please!" (restaurant saying)

"Check the date, love your state" (vehicle registration)

"Check yourself before you wreck yourself"

Checkbro (chess word alternative to "checkmate")

Checkbuddy (chess word alternative to "checkmate")

Checker Cab

"Checkers or wreckers" (auto racing saying)

Checkfriend (chess word alternative to "checkmate")

"Checking Facebook is like checking your underwear after a fart. There's most likely nothing new..."

"Checking social media at work is our generation's smoke break"

"Checking social media at work is our generation's smoke break"

"Checking your phone when someone pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation"

"Checkmarks imply the existence of checkmatthews, checklukes and checkjohns"

Checkpal (chess word alternative to "checkmate")

Checkpoint to the Stars (Sierra Blanca border patrol checkpoint nickname)

"Cheerios are donut seeds"

"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right"

"Cheers to making pour decisions"

"Cheers to making pour decisions tonight"

"Cheers to pour decisions"

"Cheers to Sunday! May your coffee be strong, your pajamas be comfy and your naps be uninterrupted"

"Cheers to the weekend. May your coffee be strong, your pajamas comfy and your naps uninterrupted!"

"Cheese and rice!" or "Cheese and crackers!" or "Cheese and crust!" ("Jesus Christ!")

"Cheese balls are just round Cheetos"

"Cheese balls are spherical Cheetos"

Cheese ("Cheese it -- the cops!")

Cheese Danish

Cheese Dip

Cheese Fries (Chili Cheese Fries; Jalapeño Cheese Fries)

"Cheese is basically happiness that you can melt"

"Cheese is just a loaf of milk"

"Cheese is just food glue"

"Cheese is just milk jerky"

"Cheese is the adult form of milk"

"Cheese is the savoury equivalent of chocolate"

"Cheese makers have many expenses in curd"

"Cheese Nips are just Goldfish for adults"

"Cheese Nips are just square Goldfish"

"Cheese omelettes are just egg quesadillas"

"Cheese puffs are just boneless Cheetos"

"Cheese sounds a lot more appetizing than 'fermented cow boob juice'"

"Cheese sticks are just milk jerky"

"Cheese sticks imply the existence of cheese trees"

Cheese Tea

"Cheese wheels are grated on a curve"

Cheesebox (Castle Williams)

Cheeseburger

Cheeseburger Capital of Texas (Friona nickname)

Cheesecake

"Cheesecake" and "Beefcake" (photography)

"Cheesecake is actually pie"

"Cheesecake is healthier than crystal meth"

Cheesecrap Factory (Cheesecake Factory nickname)

"Cheetos are just elongated cheese balls"

"Cheetos are just stretched out cheese balls"

"Cheez-Its are just adult Goldfish"

"Cheez-Its are just Goldfish for adults"

"Cheez-Its are just square Goldfish"

"Chef: Any cook who swears in French"

Chef Salad (Chef's Salad)

Chefdom

"Chefs are hard-working, talented artists. And we all turn their best efforts into shit"

"Chefs make such terrible investors. They're always trying to thyme the market"

Cheftestant (chef contestant)

Cheftestapant (chef + contestant + participant)

Chelsea Market

"Chelsea Morning" (1969)

Chelseaite (inhabitant of Chelsea, Manhattan)

Chelsean (inhabitant of Chelsea, Manhattan)

Chernobyl Death Obligation (Collateralized Debt Obligation or CDO nickname)

Cherpumple (cherry + pumpkin + apple)

Cherry Blossom Festival (Brooklyn Botanic Garden)

Cherry City (Salem nickname)

Chelsea Apple Orchard (1820s)

Chess District; Washington Square Park's "Snake Pit"

"Chess is life" (Bobby Fischer)

"Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer" (pun)

Chess Pie

"Chess players are pawn stars"

"Chess players mate better"

"Chess was the first game to have gender-fluid pieces. Pawns can become queens or knights"

Chevon (goat meat)

"Chevrolet has developed a SUV that runs on alcohol. They call it the Subourbon"

"Chew the scenery" (to overact)

Chewing Gum

"Chewing gum is like a stress ball for your mouth"

Chewsday (chew + Tuesday)

Chez Marshalls (Marshalls nickname)

Chi-raq (Chicago nickname)

Chi-Town (Chicago nickname)

Chiberia (Chicago nickname)

Chica Chica Card

"Chicago style pizza implies the existence of AP style pizza"

"Chicago style pizza implies the existence of MLA style pizza"

"Chicharrones are just meat cotton candy"

Chicharrones (pork cracklings)

Chicken a la King

"Chicken, airplane, soldier" (backstroke swimming)

Chicken and Dumplings (Slickers)

"Chicken and dumplings are just a deconstructed chicken pot pie"

"Chicken and dumplings is just deconstructed chicken pot pie"

Chicken and Waffles

Chicken Bingo (Chicken Poop Bingo; Chicken Shit Bingo)

"Chicken broth is bird tea"

Chicken Chili

Chicken Cone (ACL Fest food from Hudson's on the Bend)

Chicken Divan

Chicken Fajitas

"Chicken for the strength, waffles for the speed" (Lucky J's chicken & waffles)

Chicken French (Chicken Française; Chicken Francese); Veal French

Chicken Fried Bacon

Chicken Fried Chicken (CFC)

Chicken Fried Kingdom (Texas nickname)

Chicken Fried Ribeye Steak

Chicken Fried Salmon

Chicken Fried Shrimp

Chicken Fried Steak (CFS); Country Fried Steak

"Chicken in the car and the car won't go" (Chicago spelling rhyme)

"Chicken is only a breakfast food if it hasn’t been born yet"

"Chicken is the default meat"

Chicken Katsu (Torikatsu or Tori Katsu)

Chicken Kiev (Chicken a la Kiev)

Chicken Laredo

Chicken Lettuce Under Bacon ("club" sandwich backronym)

Chicken Lettuce Wrap (Yook Soong)

"Chicken loses job. Chicken is broke. Chicken strips"

Chicken Murphy

Chicken Noodle News or Chicken Noodle Network (CNN nickname)

Chicken Noodle Soup

"Chicken noodle soup is alphabet soup but in cursive"

"Chicken nuggets are just chicken meatballs"

"Chicken nuggets are meatballs"

"Chicken parm, you taste so good"

Chicken Peppers

"Chicken pot pie -- my three favorite things"

Chicken Ranch (or, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas)

"Chicken salad is just well aged egg salad"

"Chicken soup is just bird tea"

"Chicken stock is just bird tea"

Chicken Tetrazzini

"Chicken today, feathers tomorrow"

Chickenhawk (Chicken Hawk)

"Chickens like to draw, but a cock'll doodle, too"

Chickentarian

"Chicks dig the long ball"

Chief Cook and Bottle Washer

Chief Everything Officer (Chief Executive Officer or CEO nickname)

"Chief executives have no more feeling for stockholders than for African baboons" (T. Boone Pickens)

Chiffalo (chicken + buffalo)

Chiffon Pie

Chihuahua Sandwich

Chilada (chili + enchilada/tostada, or -chilada)

Chilaquiles

Child Import Agency (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

"Child with autism on board" (vehicle sign)

"Children born 9 months from now should be referred to as 'children of the quarn'”

"Children, if you are tired, keep going; if you want to taste freedom, keep going"

"Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents..." (joke)

"Children learn what they live"

"Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing"

"Children must be taught how to think, not what to think"

"Children should be taught how to think, not what to think"

Children's Menu; Oscar's Sauce (from the Waldorf)

Chile Colorado (Chili Colorado)

Chile con Carne

Chile con Queso (Chili con Queso)

"Chile is one of the few foods that has its own goddess" (Diana Kennedy)

Chile Relleno

Chile Stand (Chili Stand); Tamale Stand

"Chile Today, Hot Tamale" (or "Chili Today, Hot Tamale")

Chiletoque

Chili Burger; Chili Dog

Chili Capital of the World (Terlingua nickname)

Chili Gravy (Chile Gravy)

Chili Head

"Chili is basically just hamburger soup"

"Chili is just American curry"

"Chili is just cowboy curry"

"Chili is just Mexican curry"

"Chili is just southern curry"

"Chili is just Tex-Mex curry"

"Chili is just Texan curry"

"Chili is just Texas curry"

"Chili is just western curry"

"Chili is just white people curry"

Chili Mac

Chili Powder

Chili Queen (or Chile Queen)

"Chili represents your three states of matter: solid, liquid, and eventually gas"

Chilled Grease (spoonerism of "grilled cheese")

Chilly Dog (ice cream on a hot dog bun)

Chilorio (Mexican chile-seasoned pork dish)

Chiltepin (State Native Pepper)

Chilympiad

Chimichanga

Chimichurri (Dominican Chimichurri Burger; Chimi Truck)

Chin Sail (face mask)

"Chin up, shoulders back. Wipe those tears and get back on track..."

"China makes and the world takes" (business saying)

China Originated Virus In December 2019 (COVID-19 acronym/backronym)

Chinatown

Chinatown North (East Village, Manhattan)

Chinese Apple (for "pomegranate")

Chinese Broccoli (kai-lan or gai-lon)

Chinese Burrito or Chinese Taco (Moo Shoo Pork or Moo Shu Pork or Moo Shi Pork)

Chinese Chews

"Chinese food is one of the few things I have or consume that isn't really made in China"

"Chinese food is one of the few things I have or consume that isn't really made in China"

Chinese Hamburger (Rou Jia Mo)

Chinese Handball

Chinese Handball

Chinese Home Run (Chinese Homer)

Chinese Hot Dog

Chinese Pepper Steak

Chinese Popcorn (Sweet & Pungent Shrimp)

Chip Butty

Chip Keef (Chip Kief)

Chip Kief (Chip Keef)

Chipotle

Chippendale Building (SONY building)

"Chips and salsa for breakfast because it's Mexico somewhere"

"Chips are for sandwiches, not shoulders"

"Chips are just edible spoons"

"Chips have little nutritional value. That's why you need to eat the whole bag"

"Chiron was a half human/half horse doctor, which made him the Centaur for Disease Control"

"Chiropractors are technically crack addicts"

"Chiropractors are technically crack dealers"

Chitlin' Circuit

Chive Box or Chive Pocket (Jiucai Hezi)

"Chobani is a poor man's Fage"

Choc-block (chocolate + block)

Chocha Beach (Orchard Beach)

Choco Taco or Taco Helado (ice cream taco)

Chocoholic

"Chocolate and vanilla are considered opposites because of their colors, not flavors"

Chocolate Brownie

"Chocolate by the Bald Man" (Max Brenner)

Chocolate Chip Muffin (State Muffin?)

Chocolate City (New Orleans nickname)

"Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant. Chocolate is salad"

Chocolate Easter Bunny (Chocolate Easter Rabbit)

Chocolate Fondue

"Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is also a flavor of chocolate"

"Chocolate is great. It gives you energy which can be used to go buy more chocolate"

"Chocolate is nature's way of making up for Mondays"

"Chocolate makes your clothes shrink"

"Chocolate, men, coffee -- some things are better rich"

Chocolate Milk

"Chocolate milk comes from brown cows" ("Chocolate milk comes from chocolate cows")

"Chocolate milk is just cold hot chocolate"

Chocolate Show

Chocolate Whiskey Cake

Chokelahoma (Oklahoma nickname)

"Choking Poster" in restaurants

Chookas ("good luck" in Australian theatre)

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life"

"Choose a major you love and you'll never work a day in your life because that field isn't hiring"

Chop Suey

Chopped Brisket (sandwich)

Chopped Cheese

"Chopped cheese is just a deconstructed cheeseburger"

Chopped Liver

Chopped & Screwed or Screwed & Chopped (Houston-based hip-hop)

Chopper City (New Orleans nickname)

Chopstick-Straw (Soup Sticks)

Chorine

Chorine Court (West 47th Street, between Broadway and Sixth Avenue)

Chorine Court (West 47th Street, between Broadway and Sixth Avenue)

Chorizontal (chorizo + horizontal)

Chork (chopstick + fork)

Chorus Girl

Chorus Girl's Breakfast or Whore's Breakfast (cigarette and New York Morning Telegraph)

Chorus Line

Choup (chowder + soup)

Chow

Chow Chow

Chow Mein Sandwich; Chop Suey Sandwich

Chow Mein Stem (Broadway; Mott Street)

Chow Mein Street (Broadway)

Chowhound (Chow Hound)

Chowmeinerie or Chowmeinery (a Chinese restaurant)

"Christ Offers Forgiveness For Everyone Everywhere" ("coffee" backronym)

"Christian hotels be like -- Amen-ities"

Christians In Action (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

Christmas Adam (December 23, the day before Christmas Eve)

"Christmas calories don't count"

Christmas Capital of Texas (Grapevine nickname)

"Christmas cookies and happy hearts, this is how the holiday starts"

"Christmas feels more like a deadline than a holiday"

"Christmas is a competition between who gives up first: Your feet or your wallet"

"Christmas is a deeply religious time we observe by going to the mall of our choice"

"Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone"

"Christmas is just Thanksgiving with gifts"

"Christmas is just Thanksgiving with presents"

"Christmas is more of a deadline than a holiday"

"Christmas is not as much about opening presents, as opening our hearts"

"Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money"

"Christmas: The only time of year where you can sit by a dead tree and eat candy out of socks"

"Christmas: The time of year when everyone gets Santamental"

Christmas Tree Bill

"Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful"

Christocrat (Christian + -ocrat)

Chubbing

"Chubby, single and ready for a Pringle"

Chuck Box

"Chuck E. Cheese is really just a casino for children"

Chuck E. Disease's (Chuck E. Cheese's nickname)

Chuck Eater

Chuck Line (Chuckline)

Chuck Wagon

CHUD (Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers)

Chuggable

Chump Change

"Chunky peanut butter is just peanut butter with pulp"

Chupacabra or Chupacabras (goat-sucker)

"Church is never out until they stop singing"

Church of Rock and Roll (Fillmore East)

Church of the Generals (St. John's Episcopal Church, Fort Hamilton, Brooklyn)

Church of the Holy Barbecue (New Zion Missionary Baptist Church in Huntsville)

Church of the Painful Truth

"Churches and the casinos are closed. When heaven and hell both agree on something...it’s serious"

Churnalism (churn + journalism)

Churning

Churrnut (churro + doughnut)

Churros (Spanish fritters or doughnuts)

CIA News Network (CNN nickname)

CIA News Network (CNN nickname)

CICINO (Commander-In-Chief In Name Only)

Cider Bar

Cidery (cider winery)

Cigar City (Tampa nickname)

"Cigars, beer, and whiskey are all made from plants... I think I might be a vegetarian!"

Cilanthropist or Cilantropist (cilantro + philanthropist)

Cilantropist or Cilanthropist (cilantro + philanthropist)

"Cilantropist -- someone who's generous with cilantro in their recipes"

Cinco de Drinko (Cinco de Mayo + drink)

Cinco de Mayo (fifth of May)

"Cinco De Mayo on Taco Tuesday and it’s ruined by a virus with the same name as a Mexican beer"

"Cinco de Mayo will fall on Taco Tuesday. This is it people. This is what we’ve been training for"

Cinderella City

Cinema Island (City Island)

"Cinema means sin and enema"

"Cinnamon is really just delicious sawdust"

"Cinnamon rolls not gender roles"

Cinnsation (cinnamon + sensation); Cinnsational

CINO (Catholic/Christian/Conservative In Name Only)

Cioppino (Ciopino; Ciuppin)

"Circle is the shape of soup"

Circle of Liberty

Circle of Taste

Circuit of the Americas (Austin racetrack)

Circuit Queen

Circus Peanuts (candy)

Ciscoan (inhabitant of Cisco)

Citadel of Chic (Condé Nast Building)

Citigov (Citigroup + Government)

Citiot (city + idiot)

Citizens' Filibuster (Citizen's Filibuster)

Citrus Capital of Texas (Weslaco nickname)

City Bakery's Hot Chocolate Festival

City Chicken

City for Sale

"City Juice" & "One on the City" (water)

City of a Million Dreams (New Orleans nickname)

City of a Thousand Mounds (Austin nickname)

City of Big Shoulders or City of Broad Shoulders (Chicago nickname)

City of Brotherly Love (summary)

City of Champions (Duncanville nickname)

City of Churches (Brooklyn)

City of Cities

City of Contrasts (Odessa slogan)

City of Fire (Coney Island)

City of Flour and Sawdust (Minneapolis nickname)

City of Golden Dreams

City of Hate (Dallas nickname)

City of Hills (Austin nickname)

City of Ideas (Austin nickname)

City of Light or Ville Lumière (Paris, France nickname)

City of Live Oaks and Friendly Folks (slogan of both League City and Pleasanton)

City of Magnificent Distances (Washington, D.C. nickname)

City of Neon and Chrome

City of Palms (McAllen nickname)

City of Refined Oil and Crude People (Houston nickname)

City of Roses or Rose City (Portland nickname)

City of Stars (Kilgore nickname)

City of Straits (Detroit nickname)

City of Syrup (Houston nickname)

City of the Hour (Dallas nickname)

City of the Violet Crown (Austin nickname)

City of Yes (New Orleans nickname)

City on the Make (Chicago nickname)

City Series (Mets vs. Yankees)

City That Care Forgot (New Orleans nickname)

City That Forgot to Care (New Orleans nickname)

City That Lifted Its Face (Weslaco nickname)

City That Never Sleeps

City That Works (Chicago nickname)

City Under Seven Flags (Laredo nickname)

City With Everything

City With No Limits (Houston slogan)

City With the Neon Skyline (Weslaco nickname)

City Without Limits (Killeen slogan)

CityHawks, Dragons (arena football teams)

Citymeals-on-Wheels; City Harvest

Civic Virtue (Big Boy, Fat Boy, Rough Guy)

"Civil servant missile -- it doesn't work and it can't be fired"

"Civil War jokes? I General Lee don't find them funny"

Clam Digger & Mussel Sucker (City Island terms)

Clambake (Clam Bake)

Clams Casino

"Clapping is just repeatedly high-fiving yourself over someone else’s achievement"

Clara-Bortion (Clara Barton High School nickname)

"Clarinet: I wet my reeds with the tears of brass players"

Clash of the Boroughs (Brooklyn Nets vs. New York Knicks)

Classhole (class + asshole)

"Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune"

"Clean and sober just means that I’m showered and heading to the liquor store"

"Clean sperm is the new Bitcoin"

Clean Vote

"Cleaning house while the kids are still growing is like shoveling snow while it's still snowing"

"Cleaning is just putting stuff in less obvious places"

"Cleaning the house while your kids are home is like brushing your teeth while eating an Oreo"

"Cleaning the house with children in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreo cookies"

"Cleaning windows is a pane in the glass"

"Cleaning with kids in the house is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos"

"Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets"

"Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose"

Clearly Texas (Uvalde slogan)

"Clients go to jail and lawyers go to lunch"

Cliff Dweller

Climastrology (climate + astrology); Climastrologer (climate + astrologer)

Climatard (climate + retard)

"Climate change doesn’t care if you believe in it or not"

"Climate change happens four times a year. It's called seasons"

"Climate change happens four times a year -- winter, spring, summer, fall"

"Climate Change: Where the weather is always your fault and the only solution is more communism"

Climate Cliff

Clinton News Network (CNN nickname)

Clinton News Network (CNN nickname)

"Clogs to clogs in three generations"

"Clones are people 2"

"Clones are people two"

"Close, but no cigar"

"Close enough for government work" ("Good enough for government work")

"Close enough for jazz" (music adage)

"Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades"

"Close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and ballroom dancing"

"Close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and drive-in movies"

"Close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and slow dancing"

Close to everything, far from it all (League City slogan)

"Closed but still awesome" (store sign)

Clot Shot (#ClotShot)

Clothespin Vote

Clotshop (vaccination site)

Clottery (blood clot + lottery)

Cloud Around the Moon (Chinese dish of king crabmeat, scallops and lobster)

Cloud Commissary

Cloud Kitchen

Cloud Restaurant

Clown Hall or Clownhall (clown + town hall meeting)

Clown News Network (CNN nickname)

Clowncil (Clown Council)

Clowndidate (clown + candidate)

Clowngrade (clown + downgrade/upgrade)

Clowngress (clown + Congress)

Clownhall or Clown Hall (clown + town hall meeting)

Clownhall (Townhall nickname)

Clownigarch (clown + oligarch)

Clowns In Action (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

Clowns In America (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

CLT (chicken, lettuce and tomato)

Club Row (West 27th Street)

Club Row (West 44th Street)

Club Sandwich (Club House Sandwich; Clubhouse Sandwich)

"Club sandwiches, not seals"

"Club soda is just angry water"

"Club soda is just liquid tv static"

"Club soda tastes like tv static"

Club Trillion (basketball slang for a benchwarmer's statistics)

Clubstaurant (club + restaurant)

CNBS (CNBC nickname)

CNN Effect

"CNN said the world is forty trillion dollars in debt. Who does the world owe? Jupiter?"

CNNPC (CNN nickname)

Co-op City

"Co-Vid would be a much better name for Zoom"

Coachella East (Panorama Music Festival nickname)

Coachspeak

"Coaster?? That's for people who put their coffee down"

Coastie (Coast Guard member nickname)

"Coating chicken in egg batter is pretty messed up when you think about it"

Coattails

COB Pizza (cheese-on-bottom)

Cobb Salad (Southwest Cobb Salad; Southwestern Cobb Salad; Texas Cobb Salad)

"Cobbler is upside-down pie"

"Coca Cola went to town, Pepsi Cola shot him down"

Cocaine Importing Agency (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

"Cocaine is God's way of saying you have too much money"

Cock Rock

"Cockroaches survive nuclear war. Which means America will still have a functioning government"

Cocktail

Cocktail Conservative

Cocktail Franks (Cocktail Weiners; Cocktail Wieners; Cocktail Weenies)

Cocktail Hour

Cocktail Party

Cocktail Umbrella

Cocktailian

"Cocktails are dangerous because it just tastes like juice and then you can't walk"

"Cocktails are dangerous because it tastes like just juice and then you can't walk"

"Cocktails are dangerous because they just taste like juice and then you can't walk"

Coco Bread

Cocoanista (cocoa + fashionista)

"Coconut water tastes like water that's already been in someone's mouth"

"Coconuts are mammals because they have hair and produce milk"

CODESTINK or Code Stink (CODEPINK or Code Pink nickname)

"Coercion is not consent"

Coexist (bumper sticker)

"Coexistence: what the farmer does with the turkey -- until Thanksgiving"

"Coffee -- A tasty cup of caffeinated sanity in an uncertain world"

"Coffee: A warm, delicious alternative to hating everybody every morning forever"

"Coffee: a warm, delicious alternative to hating everyone every morning forever"

"Coffee: a warm, delicious alternative to hating everyone forever"

"Coffee and friends -- A perfect blend"

"Coffee and friends are the perfect blend"

"Coffee and friends make the perfect blend"

"Coffee and friends -- The perfect blend"

"Coffee and love are best when they are hot"

"Coffee and love taste best when they are hot"

"Coffee and then the world"

"Coffee because adulting is hard"

"Coffee: Because anger management is too expensive"

"Coffee -- because bad mornings deserve a second chance"

"Coffee: Because crack is bad for you"

"Coffee: Because crack is illegal"

"Coffee: Because crack isn't allowed in the workplace"

"Coffee: because hating your job should be done with enthusiasm"

"Coffee: because hating your job should be done with enthusiasm"

"Coffee...because I can count the number of hours I slept last night on one hand"

"Coffee, because Monday happens every week"

"Coffee. Because mornings. And afternoons"

"Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning"

"Coffee. Because sarcasm needs to stay hydrated"

Coffee Break

"Coffee break's over! Everyone back on your heads!" (joke)

"Coffee. Chaos. Bed. Repeat"

"Coffee. Chaos. Sleep. Repeat"

"Coffee. Chaos. Wine. Bed. Repeat"

"Coffee. Chaos. Wine. Sleep. Repeat"

"Coffee! Coffee! It’s our drink! If we don’t get it, we can’t think!"

"Coffee completes me"

"Coffee, contour and confidence"

"COFFEE: Cup OF Finest Enjoyment Ever"

"Coffee does so much for us, and all it asks for in return is for me to drink it constantly"

"Coffee does so much for us and asks for nothing in return"

"Coffee doesn't ask me stupid questions in the morning. Be more like coffee"

"Coffee doesn't solve all my problems, but it stops me from creating some new ones"

"Coffee filters can be used as toilet paper, but it does change the taste of the coffee"

"Coffee first, your bullshit second"

"Coffee & Friday are my two favorite words"

"Coffee gets me started. God keeps me going"

"Coffee gives me the extra boost I need to begin a full day of talking about how tired I am"

"Coffee Grindr -- a dating app for people who are coffee gender"

"Coffee Grindr -- dating app for gay baristas"

"Coffee has a unique aroma that makes you forget how painful it is to be awake"

"Coffee has a unique aroma that makes you forget how painful it is to be awake so early"

"Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity"

"Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity"

"Coffee helps me cope with the reality of having to interact with other humans"

"Coffee helps me cope with the reality of having to interact with other people"

"Coffee helps me maintain my 'never killed anyone streak'"

"Coffee helps me person. Personing is hard without caffeine"

"Coffee helps me play nice with others"

"Coffee! If you're not shaking, you need another cup"

Coffee in the Dark (coffee without milk)

"Coffee in the morning and whiskey at night"

"Coffee in the morning and whiskey in the evening"

"Coffee in the morning. Bourbon at night"

"Coffee in the morning. Bourbon in the evening"

"Coffee is a cup of hope in a world full of chaos and Mondays"

"Coffee is a kind of magic you can drink"

"Coffee is a liquid hug for your brain"

"Coffee is an energy drink"

"Coffee is an essential part of my 'responsible grown up' disguise"

"Coffee is Friday in a cup"

"Coffee is just cocaine for poor people"

"Coffee is just dirty water"

"Coffee is just dirty water with caffeine in it"

"Coffee is just dirty water with drugs in it"

"Coffee is just goth tea"

"Coffee is just goth water"

"Coffee is just hot dirty water"

"Coffee is like a warm fireplace for the soul"

"Coffee is my duct tape. It fixes everything!"

"Coffee is my emotional support beverage"

"Coffee is my favorite co-worker"

"Coffee is my favorite co-worker"

"Coffee is my morning wine"

"Coffee is my reward for being a grown up"

"Coffee is my reward for being an adult"

"Coffee is my reward for getting out of bed"

"Coffee is my reward for sleeping"

"Coffee is my reward for waking up"

"Coffee is my second favorite plant"

"Coffee is not a beverage... It's a moment of pleasure"

"Coffee is not an option. It's an attitude"

"Coffee is not just a beverage. It's a cup of liquid sanity!"

"Coffee is not my cup of tea"

"Coffee is PG cocaine"

"Coffee is PG-13 coke"

"Coffee is proof that mornings were created for a reason"

"Coffee is really just hot bean water"

"Coffee is so popular, it’s had an entire line of tables named after it"

"Coffee is the best Monday motivation"

"Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with"

"Coffee is the gasoline of life"

"Coffee: Is the planet shaking or is it just me?"

"Coffee is the whiskey of the morning"

"Coffee is why I got out of bed today"

"Coffee isn't helping. Get the jumper cables!"

"Coffee isn't just a beverage. It's a tasty cup of caffeinated sanity in an uncertain world"

"Coffee isn't working. Get the jumper cables!"

"Coffee: It's like allergy medicine for mornings"

"Coffee -- It's why you got out of bed today"

"Coffee: Keeping the crazy at bay for another day"

"Coffee keeps me busy until it's time to be drunk"

"Coffee keeps me off the naughty list"

"Coffee: liquid joy juice"

"Coffee: liquid optimism"

"Coffee make brain work gooder"

"Coffee makes everything okayer"

"Coffee makes it possible to get out of bed, but chocolate makes it worthwhile"

"Coffee makes me a better person"

"Coffee makes me happy. You, not so much"

"Coffee: Mother Nature's jumper cables"

"Coffee -- my hot friend I was telling you about"

"Coffee (n): an attitude adjustment in a mug"

"Coffee (n): break fluid"

"Coffee (n): survival juice"

"Coffee (n): the person upon whom one coughs"

"Coffee (noun): The glue holding this shitshow together"

"Coffee now, bourbon later"

"Coffee now comes in five sizes: small, medium, large, extra large and Monday morning"

"Coffee now, gin later"

"Coffee now, palpitate later"

"Coffee now, wine later"

"Coffee now, work later"

"Coffee now, work later"

"Coffee owns me, and I'm fine with that"

Coffee Party

Coffee Pot & Coffee Pot Canyon (Broadway)

Coffee Regular

"Coffee shops are just gas stations for people"

"Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death and sweet as love"

"Coffee should come in four sizes: small, medium, large and Monday"

"Coffee smells like magic and fairy tales"

"Coffee spelled backwards is 'eeffoc'"

"Coffee: starter fluid for the morning impaired"

"Coffee strong, lashes long, hustle on"

Coffee Summit

"Coffee table? Psh. Those are for people that actually put their coffee down"

"Coffee tastes better on Fridays"

"Coffee tastes better when you're wearing a cardigan"

"Coffee tastes better when you're wearing a sweater"

Coffee & Tea Festival

"Coffee, tea or me?"

"Coffee. Teach. Repeat"

"Coffee. Teach. Sleep. Repeat"

"Coffee: The daytime stumbling, stretching, yawning, dragging, cotton mouthed, gulping..."

"Coffee: The most important meal of the day"

"Coffee -- the vodka of morning"

"Coffee, then the world"

"Coffee & Vitamin Sea are food for the soul"

"Coffee vs. Oxygen. One is needed to survive. The other is oxygen"

"Coffee -- when your brain needs a hug"

"Coffee, Wine & Amazon Prime"

"Coffee. Wine. Bed. Repeat"

"Coffee. Wine. Sleep. Repeat"

"Coffee. Wine. Sleep. Repeat"

"Coffee with a friend is like capturing happiness in a cup"

"Coffee with soy milk is just bean water mixed with bean water"

"Coffee without a donut is like a week without a weekend"

"Coffee without donuts is like a week without a weekend"

"Coffee. Work. Wine. Sleep. Repeat"

"Coffee. Yoga. Wine. Repeat"

"Coffee. Yoga. Wine. Sleep. Repeat"

"Coffee, you're on the bench. Alcohol, suit up!"

Coffice (coffeehouse + office)

Cohencidence (Cohen + coincidence)

Coincideath (coincidence + death)

"Coincidence is the word we use when we can't see the levers and the pulleys"

Coincidence Lasagna/Lasagne (layers of coincidence)

Coincidence Theorist

Coinciditis (coincidence + -itis)

"Coinciditis -- Myocarditis that coincidentally only affects the vaccinated"

"Coins are made of metal, because change is hard"

Coinstipated or Coinstapated (coin + constipated)

Cold Cheese Pizza (also called "Oneonta slice")

"Cold pepperoni pizza is just shabby-chic charcuterie"

"Cold soup is just a vegetable smoothie"

"Colder than a witch's tit" (very cold)

Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage (coleslaw joke)

Coliseum Books (not near the departed Coliseum)

"Collapse/Fall/Fold faster than Lehman Brothers"

Collapsing News Network (CNN nickname)

"Collared greens are just well dressed vegetables"

"Collect moments, not things"

"Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery"

"College bookstores are like the GameStop of textbooks"

"College is a constant struggle of if I should eat, sleep, cry, study, or workout"

"College is a fountain of knowledge where students gather to drink"

"College is just the most expensive book club"

"College is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane"

"College is soup and I am a fork"

"College is the new indentured servitude"

"College is the only time in which being poor and drunk is acceptable"

"College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you or they'll send your kid back"

College of Cardinals (Appropriations Committee nickname)

College Pointer (inhabitant of College Point, Queens)

"College prepares you for real life right away. It puts you in debt"

"College -- The most expensive party I've ever been to"

"College Years: The only vacation a boy gets between his mother and his wife"

Colleywood (Colleyville nickname)

Collusion News Network (CNN nickname)

Collyer brothers (hermits)

Colorado: "Where do crayons go on vacation?"/"Colorado."

Colonel Sanchez (KFC/Colonel Sanders + Taco Bell)

"Colonel Sanders chicken recipe has been kept more secure than US classified documents"

Colorado: "I wonder if colorblind people read Colorado as just 'ado'"

Colorado Kool-Aid (Coors beer, from Colorado)

Colorado Rib Steak

Colorado: Rover (nickname)

Colored People's Time (CP Time or CPT)

Colostomy Pie (Frito Pie nickname)

"Colt: The original point and click interface"

"Colton's Steak House is a poor man's Texas Roadhouse"

Columbia University's Alma Mater (Mary Lawton, model)

Columny (calumny from a columnist)

Colyumist (Columnist)

Comal

"Come as you are in the family car" (drive-in slogan)

Come Back Again (Continental Basketball Association or CBA nickname)

"Come Early; Be Loud; Stay Late" (Longhorns slogan)

"Come for the food. Stay for the fun"

Come-Here-Naughty (Comirnaty vaccine nickname)

"Come in. We are awesome" (store sign)

"Come in, we're awesome" (store sign)

"Come in, we're open and awesome" (store sign)

Come Late And Start Sleeping ("class" backronym)

"Come on, admit it... you've had tongue sex with a Twinkie at least once"

"Come on ice cream!" (post-jalapeño-eating saying)

Come On Let's Love Each Girl Equally ("college" backronym)

"Come on up and I'll show you my etchings" (sexual trope)

"Come on Vacation, Leave on Probation"

"Come sit on the porch with me. The drinks are cold & the friendship's free"

"Come-to-Jesus" Meeting

"Come to the dark side. We have cookies"

"Come to the nerd side. We have Pi"

"Come to the nerd side. We have Pi"

Comeback Sauce (Come Back Sauce; Cumback Sauce; Kumback Sauce; Kumbak Sauce)

"Comedy doesn't travel well"

"Comedy is a serious business" (theatre adage)

"Comedy is tragedy plus time" (theatre adage)

"Comes the revolution, everyone will eat strawberries and cream!"

Comexodus (Comex + exodus)

Comfort Food

"The job of the newspaper is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable"

COMING SOON!

"Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success"

Commercial Emporium

"Commercials for prescription drugs would be better if the actors had to act out the side effects"

Commiecrat (commie + Democrat)

"Commit to be fit"

"Committee work is like a soft chair -- easy to get into but hard to get out of"

"Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to be appointed to do work"

Common Man's Metal (silver nickname)

Common Sense Caucus (Caucus of Common Sense)

"Common sense is a flower that doesn't grow in everyone's garden"

"Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it"

"Common sense is like deodorant. Those who need it most never use it"

"Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done"

"Common sense should reveal the absolute absurdity of what is happening in the world right now"

"Communion wine should always be full-bodied"

"Communism: Ideas so good they have to be mandatory"

"Communism is the opiate of the intellectuals"

"Communism: You masked for it"

Communist Broadcasting Corporation (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation or CBC nickname)

Communist Core (Communist + Common Core)

Communist News Network (CNN nickname)

Communist News Network (CNN nickname)

"Communists aren't people. They're state property"

Community Emergency Response Team (CERT)

"Commuting is just sitting in a moving waiting room"

Compact of Fifth Avenue (Pact of Fifth Avenue)

Compact of Fifth Avenue (Pact of Fifth Avenue)

Compañera; Compañero

"Comparing apples and oranges"

"Competition brings out the best in products and the worst in men"

"Competition is a sin" (Rockefeller?)

Competitive Eating Contests

Complete Bull Shit (CBS nickname)

"Completely misunderstood pride month. Who wants to buy 15 lions?"

Complicity Theorist

Compost Cookie

"Computer: An electronic time-saving device that is commonly used for time-wasting activities"

"Computers can do more work than people because they never have to stop and answer the phone"

"Computers were down at work. It took me 20 minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire"

Comstockery

Con Dead (nickname for a Con Ed power failure)

Con Ed or Con Edison (Consolidated Edison)

Con-a-sewer (connoisseur)

"Conceive - Believe - Achieve"

Conchas (Mexican shell-shaped pastries)

Concorde Hotel (Radisson Martinique on Broadway)

Concourse Crawler or Concourse Creeper (C or CC subway line)

Concrete City (Seguin nickname)

Concrete or Blizzard (frozen dessert)

Condé Nasty (Condé Nast nickname)

"Condense soup, not books"

Condensed Milk (Borden's Eagle Brand)

"Condiments are makeup for food"

Condo Coast

Condoburg (condominium + Williamsburg)

Condominium/Condo/Condomini

"Condoms prevent minivans"

"Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion"

Condop (condominium + cooperative)

Condotel (condo + hotel)

Conehead (SNL sketch and movie; Mets/Yankees pitcher David Cone; Con Ed workers)

"Coney Island Bloodhounds" (hot dogs) & "A Midget from Harlem" (small chocolate soda)

Coney Island Butter (mustard)

Coney Island Chicken (hot dog)

Coney Island (Coney; Coney Dog)

Coney Island whitefish

Coney Island's Fifth Avenue (Riegelmann Boardwalk)

Coney Sauce (Coney Island Sauce; Hot Dog Sauce)

"Confectioners' sugar is the glitter of the baking world"

Confederate Heroes Day

"Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a rowboat and taking the tartar sauce with you"

"Confidence is silent. Insecurities are loud"

"Confidence is the companion of success"

"Confidence is the feeling you have before you fully understand the situation"

"Confidence is the key. If you don't believe in yourself, then nobody will"

Confidence Man

"Conformity is doing what everybody else is doing, regardless of what is right"

"Confucius say: Baseball very funny game -- man with 4 balls no can walk!"

"Confucius say: Baseball very funny game -- man with four balls no can walk!"

"Confucius say: Baseball very strange game. How can man with 4 balls walk?"

"Confucius say: Baseball wrong. Man with 4 balls cannot walk"

"Confucius say: Baseball wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk"

"Confucius say: Man who drive like hell bound to get there"

"Confucius say: Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have crappy time"

"Confucius say: Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time"

"Confucius Say -- Student who study history, will find there is no future in it"

Confungry (confused + hungry)

"Confused as a cow on AstroTurf" (or, "Confused as a goat on AstroTurf")

"Confused people don't buy" (marketing adage)

"Confused sultana scone seeks raisin d'être"

"Congratulations to drugs for winning the war on drugs"

"Congress: A man gets up to speak and says nothing, nobody listens, and then everybody disagrees"

"Congress is good at only two things -- doing nothing and overreacting"

"Congress is like 2 drunks arguing the bar bill on the Titanic"

"Congress is the only whorehouse that loses money"

"Congress opened with a prayer and closed with a probe"

Congresscriminal (Congress + criminal)

Congresscritter (Congress + critter)

Congressional Effect

Congressmoron (Congressman + moron)

Congresspuke (Congress + puke)

Congross (Congress + gross)

"Conjunctivitis.com -- that's a site for sore eyes"

Conjunto

Connecticut: Freestone State (nickname)

Connecticut: Land of Steady Habits (nickname)

Connecticut: Nutmeg State (nickname)

Conned-sumer (conned + consumer)

"Conscience keeps more people awake than coffee"

Conscience of the Congress (Congressional Black Caucus moniker)

Conservadem (conservative Democrat)

Conservatard (conservative + retard)

"Conservatism is progressivism driving the speed limit"

Conservative Spring Break (Conservative Political Action Conference or CPAC nickname)

"Conservatives are progressives driving the speed limit"

"Conservatives believe life begins at conception and ends at birth"

"Conservatives get the rhetoric; liberals get the action"

"Conservatives think liberals are stupid; liberals think conservatives are evil" (Krauthammer's Law)

Conservatoid (conservative + -oid)

"Conserve Texas water -- Drink Texas wine"

Conspiracy Fact

Conspiracy Nut

"Conspiracy theories are like moon landings. They're all fake"

"Conspiracy Theorist: A person who doesn't watch as much TV as you do"

"Conspiracy Theorist: A person who researches a subject and then uses logic..."

"Conspiracy theorist: A term to discredit those who have seen through the bullshit"

"Conspiracy Theorist: Nothing more than a derogatory title used to dismiss a critical thinker"

"Conspiracy Theorist: Someone who questions the statements of known liars"

Conspiracy Theorist Starter Pack (a brain)

"Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they've been planted by a secret organization"

"Conspiracy theorists are just people capable of pattern recognition"

"Conspiracy theorists, otherwise known as people capable of pattern recognition"

Conspiracy Theory

Conspiranoid (conspiracy + paranoid)

Conspiratainment (conspiracy + entertainment)

Conspiratard (conspiracy + retard)

Conspiravirus (conspiracy + coronavirus)

Conspirazoid (conspiracy + schizoid)

Constant Bull Shit (CBS nickname)

Constitutional Carry

"Consulting: If you're not part of the solution, there's good money in prolonging the problem"

"Consumers are statistics; customers are people"

"CONTAGIOUS in a sentence: it will take the CONTAGIOUS to finish painting her house with a brush"

"Contaminated cheese is kept in solid dairy confinement"

Contango

Contextual Zoning

"Continental breakfast implies the existence of incontinental breakfast"

"Continental breakfasts should be served on tectonic plates"

Contingent Convertible (CoCo)

Control Oppress Victimize Isolate Divide (COVID backronym)

"Control the controllables" (business adage)

Controlavirus (control + coronavirus)

Controllavirus (control + coronavirus)

Conundrum Supper

Convention City (New Orleans nickname)

Conventional Wisdom

"Conversation is a two-way street" (adage)

Conveyor Belt of Wall Street (Wharton School nickname)

Convict Alley (Lexington Avenue, between 119th and 126th streets)

Convid (con + COVID-19)

CovidCon

Cook-Off (Cookoff)

"Cooked food smells great, but if a person smells like cooked food they don't smell great"

"Cooked to perfection" ("seasoned to perfection," "grilled to perfection")

"Cookie dough is the sushi of desserts"

Cookies and Cream (Cookies 'n Cream; Cookies 'n Creme)

Cookies and Privacy Policies for BarryPopik.com

"Cooking is an art, baking is a science"

"Cooking is like golf. You slice it, chip it, and put it on some greens"

"Cooking is like golf. You slice it, chip it, and put it on some greens"

"Cooking is love made visible"

"Cooking Rule: If at first you don't succeed, order pizza"

"Cooking shows and vlogs never show the part where they have to clean up all the pots and pans"

"Cooking tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out"

"Cool beans" (slang)

Coonass (Coon-ass)

Cooperstown: Birthplace of Baseball (nickname)

Coors Field East or Coors East (New Yankee Stadium nickname)

Coosie (or Cocinero)

Cooter Brown ("as drunk as Cooter Brown")

Cop ("copper" badge myth)

Cop Killa Queenz (Queens)

"Cop: You're going to prison for forgery. Me (slides him a 37 dollar bill): What about now?"

"Copacabana (At the Copa)" (1978)

Copaganda (cop + propaganda)

"Copper is the only commodity with a Ph.D. in economics" (Wall Street adage)

"Copper wire was invented by two Jews/ Scots/ Irish/ Dutch/ lawyers fighting over the same penny"

Copperhead (Civil War nickname)

"Cops are like a box of chocolates. They'll kill your dog"

"Cops can't take your drugs if you take them first"

"Core elation is not causation" (joke)

Cork

Corkage (Corkage Fee; Corkage Money)

Corking (bicycle-caused gridlock)

"Corks are for quitters"

Corn Chip (Fritos)

Corn Dog (or Corndog or Corny Dog)

Corn Dog Shrimp (Corndog Shrimp)

"Corn dogs are just meat lollipops"

"Corn dogs are just meat popsicles"

"Corn dogs are just meat Twinkies"

"Corn dogs imply the existence of corn cats"

"Corn is a speedometer for your digestive system"

"Corn is just reverse pomegranate"

"Corn is the tracer bullet of the digestive system"

"Corn makes whiskey. Wheat makes beer. Grapes make wine. Potatoes make vodka..."

Corn Night (October 30th)

"Corn on the cob is just ribs for vegetarians"

"Cornbread ain't done in the middle" (stupid)

"Corndogs imply the existence of corncats"

Corned Beef and Cabbage (Jiggs dinner)

"Corner stores really watch kids grow from soda & chips to blunts & alcohol"

"Corner stores really watch kids grow from soda & chips to condoms & alcohol"

"Cornerbacks need short memories" (football adage)

Cornicione (end crust of a pizza)

Corning: Crystal City (nickname)

Cornteen (quarantine)

Corona Disinformation Center (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

"Corona is an anagram of racoon" (raccoon, as in Resident Evil's Raccoon City)

"Corona virus explained in craft terms: You and 9 friends are crafting. 1 is using glitter"

Coronacoinage (coronavirus + coinage)

Coronadult (coronavirus + adult)

Coronadulting (coronavirus + adulting)

Coronagate (coronavirus + -gate)

Coronageddon (coronavirus + Armageddon)

Coronapocalypse (coronavirus + apocalypse)

Coronatarian (coronavirus + authoritarian)

Coronatarian (coronavirus + vegetarian)

"Coronavirus & allergy season: I don’t know if I should buy Zyrtec or turn myself in to the CDC"

"Coronavirus be canceling everything but my bills"

Coronavirus Disinformation Center (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

"Coronavirus is a poor man's virus"

"Coronavirus is a poor person’s virus"

"Coronavirus is canceling everything but my bills"

"Coronavirus is like pasta. Made by Chinese. Spread by Italians. Supersized by Americans"

"Coronavirus is to be re-named the Schrodinger Virus" (joke)

"Coronavirus must come from the Corunna region of Indiana, otherwise it's just sparkling Covid-19"

"Coronavirus porn is going viral on PornHub. What a bunch of sick fucks"

1400+ Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic quotes, jokes, riddles, puns, pickup lines, memes, etc., Pt. 1

1400+ Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic quotes, jokes, riddles, puns, pickup lines, memes, etc., Pt. 2

1400+ Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic quotes, jokes, riddles, puns, pickup lines, memes, etc., Pt. 3

1400+ Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic quotes, jokes, riddles, puns, pickup lines, memes, etc., Pt. 4

1400+ Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic quotes, jokes, riddles, puns, pickup lines, memes, etc., Pt. 5

"Coronavirus, the flu, and a common cold walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

Coronawirus or Corona Wirus (variant pronunciation of “coronavirus")

Coronial (someone conceived during the time of the coronavirus)

Corpitoz (Corpus Christi nickname)

Corporat or CorpoRat (corporate/corporation + rat)

Corporate Challenge

Corporate Comedian

Corporate News Network (CNN nickname)

"Corporations are not people. Money is not free speech"

Corporatocracy (corporation + democracy)

Corpse (unintended and uncontrolled laughter on stage)

Corpus Christian (inhabitant of Corpus Christi)

Corruptican or Corrupticon

Corrupticut (corrupt + Connecticut)

Corruptocrat (corrupt bureaucrat); Corruptocracy

Corsicanan (inhabitant of Corsicana)

Cortland: Crown City (nickname)

Corzined

Cosmic Cowboy (cocktail and song)

Cosmopolitan (cocktail)

Cosmoquila (cocktail)

Cosmos (professional soccer team, 1971-1985)

"Cost an arm and a leg" (at a great cost; expensive)

Cost of Living

"Cottage cheese implies the existence of cabin cheese"

"Cottage cheese implies shanty, apartment, condo & mansion cheese exist"

"Cottage cheese implies the existence of bungalow cheese"

"Cottage cheese implies the existence of mansion cheese"

"Cottage cheese implies the existence of other building themed cheeses"

"Cottage cheese implies the existence of skyscraper cheese"

Cottage Fries (Cottage Fried Potatoes)

Cotton Belt Route (Cottonbelt Trail)

Cotton Candy (Candy Floss; Fairy Floss)

"Cotton candy -- like eating a clown's ghost"

Cotton-Eyed Joe (Cotton-Eye Joe)

Cotton-pickin' Minute (Cotton-picking Minute)

Cottonest City in the World (Lubbock slogan)

COTUS (Cat Of The United States)

COTUS (Constitution Of The United States)

"Coughing in public is the new speaking Arabic at airports"

"Coughs and sneezes spread diseases"

"Could anyone give me a fern? (Asking for a frond)"

"Could Blazing Saddles be made today? No. It’s hard to make a film in a day"

"Could you take a couple steps back. I have a nut allergy"

"Could you toast some bread?"/(raises wine glass) "Here's to bread!"

"Couldn't believe dad stole from his road worker job. But when I got home, all the signs were there"

"Count that day won when, turning on its axis, this earth imposes no additional taxes"

"Count the memories, not the calories"

"Count your blessings instead of your crosses" (Thanksgiving poem)

"Count your rainbows, not your thunderstorms"

Countdown City or 210 (San Antonio nickname)

Counterfeit Alley (Canal Street & Midtown Manhattan)

Counterfeit News Network (CNN nickname)

Counterfeit Triangle (Canal Street area)

Counterfeitess

Countermoonbat

"Counting past 39 is not my forte"

"Counting past thirty-nine is not my forte"

"Countries don't go bust"

"Country as cornbread" ("Country as corn bread")

"Country as cornflakes" ("Country as corn flakes")

Country Club Precinct (Police Precincts #100 and #112 in Queens)

Country Club Republican (Country Club Conservative)

"Country music is just farm emo"

"Country music is just land shanties"

County Attorney or District Attorney (son-of-a-gun stew)

"Couples have Valentine's Day. Singles have Palm Sunday"

"Courage doesn't mean you don't get afraid. Courage means you don't let fear stop you"

"Courage is fear that has said its prayers"

"Courage is knowing it might hurt, and doing it anyway. Stupidity is the same"

"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death"

"Courage is the ladder on which all the other virtues mount"

Court of Public Opinion

"Courtesy Counts: Manners Make a Better Ride" (bus and subway slogan)

Courtesy - Professionalism - Respect (CPR)

"Courtesy, Service, Protection" (Texas Department of Public Safety motto)

Cousin Sally Ann (Confederate States of America)

Coveard (COVID-19/coronavirus + beard)

Covenant House and Nineline (800-999-9999)

Cover Jinx

Covert Operation Via Infectious Disease (COVID-19 backronym)

Covert Operation Viral Infectious Disease (COVID-19 backronym)

"COVID-19, the flu, and a common cold walk into a bar..." (bar joke)

Covid Clown World

Covid Death Cult (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Covid Disinformation Center (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Covid Gate (COVID-19 + -gate)

"Covid has been found circulating on Norwegian currency. It's the Kroner virus"

"COVID spelled backwards is DIVOC. What DIVOC is going on?"

"Covid19 Facts: The virus can travel 6'. It cannot travel 6'1" or more..." (joke)

"COVID-19 hit during allergy season. I can't tell if I have 5 days to live or need to take Claritin"

"Covid-19 is like eating raw cookie dough... We know the risk. now let us live our lives"

"Covid-19. It started as a virus and has mutated into an IQ test"

"Covid 19 should be re-named the ‘Common Core Virus’ because shit just ain't adding up"

"Covid-19 should be renamed COTTON EYE JOE (where did it come from, where did it go)"

"COVID-19 & the flu are like Superman & Clark Kent. You never see them in the same room..."

COVID-1984 (COVID-19 + Nineteen Eighty-Four)

COVID-911 (COVID-19 + 9/11)

Covidian (Covid + -ian)

Covidification

Covidiocracy (COVID-19 + idiocracy)

Covidiot (COVID-19 + idiot)

Covidiotic (COVID-19 + idiotic)

"Cow meat is Beef, pig meat is Pork, deer meat is Venison, but chicken meat is Chicken"

"Cow milk is for baby cows. Human milk is for baby humans. Almond milk is for baby almonds"

Cow Patty Bingo (Cow Chip Bingo; Cowpie Bingo; Bovine Bingo: Bossy Bingo; Fertilizer Lottery)

"Cowards never start; the weak never finish; winners never quit"

Cowboy Beans

Cowboy Bloody Mary (cocktail)

Cowboy Boots

Cowboy Cadillac (pickup truck or other open-back vehicle)

Cowboy Capital of the World (Bandera)

Cowboy Caviar (bean dip)

Cowboy Christmas (July rodeo season)

Cowboy Cocktail (whiskey)

Cowboy Coffee

Cowboy Cookies (Laura Bush's Governor's Mansion Cowboy Cookies)

Cowboy Cool

Cowboy Cut (Cowboy Ribeye Steak; Cowboy Rib Steak)

Cowboy Cut (jeans)

Cowboy NASCAR (chuck wagon races)

Cowboy (or Cow Boy)

Cowboy Philosopher

Cowboy Roux (Water Roux)

"Cowboy Up"

Cowboy Way (cowboy tradition; Dallas Cowboys tradition)

Cowboys and Culture (Fort Worth slogan)

"Cowboys can never be accountants because all they do is round up"

Cowboys Cathedral or Cathedral of Football (Dallas Cowboys Stadium in Arlington)

Cowboys Classic (college football game)

"Cowboys don’t roll joints. They tumble weed"

"Cowboys don't take baths -- they just dust off"

"Cowboys go 'yee haw' and ninjas go 'hee yaw'"

"Cowboys: Scrape shit from boots before entering" (sign)

Cowboy's Ten Commandments (Cross Trails Church, Fairlie, TX)

Cowgirl (or Cow Girl)

Cowgirls (Dallas Cowboys nickname)

"Cowgirls Rule" (from earlier "Girls Rule, Boys Drool")

"Coworker: Why do you call everyone 'fucker'? Me: It's gender neutral."

"Co-workers are like Christmas lights. Half of them don’t work; the other half aren’t bright"

Cowpoke (or Cow Poke)

Cowpuncher (or Cow Puncher)

"Cows eat grass. Therefore, steak is plant-based meat"

Cowtown (Fort Worth nickname)

Cowtown Wolf Turds (bacon-wrapped stuffed jalapeños)

Coyotas

Coyote Tail (tortilla-wrapped deep-fried hot dog)

Coyotes ("wolves of the border" immigration smugglers)

"CPR is just the human version of blowing into a video game cartridge hoping it'll work again"

CRAAPL (crap + Apple Inc. or AAPL)

Crab Crunch (River Project of Hudson River Foundation)

Crab Imperial

Crab Rangoon

Crabmeat Dewey or Crab Meat Dewey (Crab Meat a la Dewey)

Crabmeat Remick (Crab Meat Remick)

Crack Hill (Park Hill, Staten Island)

Crack Is Wack

Crack Pie

Crackberry (Pinkberry nickname)

"Cracked windows are a pane in the glass"

Cracker Barrel (Cracker Barrel Philosopher/Philosophy)

Cracker Barrel Humor

Cracker Barrel Humorist

Cracker Barrel Philosopher

Cracker Barrel Philosophy

Cracker Jack (Crackerjack)

"Crackers are just bread jerky"

Cradle of Texas Independence (San Augustine nickname)

Cradle of Texas Liberty (Alamo/San Antonio nickname)

CRAFT Disease or CRAFT Moment (Can't Remember A Fucking Thing)

Cragel (croissant + bagel)

"Cranberry juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol but it’s too shy"

"Cranberry juice tastes like it doesn't wanna be wet"

"Cranberry juice tastes like it doesn’t want to be wet"

"Cranberry juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol but it’s too shy"

"Crank up that A.C. till it's blowing snowballs" (very hot)

Crap Metro (Cap Metro nickname)

Crap Not News (CNN nickname)

Crap Sandwich

CrapChute (BitChute nickname)

Crapco (Costco nickname)

Crapital One (Capital One nickname)

Crapitalism (crap + capitalism); Crapitalist (crap + capitalist)

Crapper Barrel (Cracker Barrel nickname)

Crapplebee's (Applebee's nickname)

Crappuccino (crap + cappuccino)

Craptopia (crap + utopia)

Crapweasel (Crap Weasel)

"Crash for cash" (auto insurance fraud)

Crashiversary (crash + anniversary)

"Crawdaddy implies the existence of a crawmommy"

"Crawdads imply the existence of crawmoms"

Crawfish Capital of Texas (Mauriceville nickname)

Crawfish Taco

Crawfish Town (New Orleans nickname)

Crawl and Stall (Stall and Crawl)

Crawmom (crawdad + mom; a female crayfish)

"Crayons are a lot like M&M's. All the colors taste the same"

"Crazy as a peach orchard boar" ("Madder than a peach orchard boar")

Crazy Basketball Association (Continental Basketball Association or CBA nickname)

"Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates. They'll kill your dog"

"Crazy fact #274: Eating 3 pizzas a day is more healthy for you than being dead"

Crazy Milkshake

Crazy Rasberry Ant (Rasberry Ant; Crazy Ant; Caribbean Crazy Ant)

"Crazy times we are living in. I used to cough to hide a fart. Now I fart to hide a cough"

"Cream cheese is a poor man's brie"

Cream City (Milwaukee nickname)

Cream Gravy

Cream Soda

"Cream soup is just a warm vegetable smoothie"

"Creamy peanut butter implies the existence of squirty peanut butter"

"Create! Don't hate" ("Don't hate. Create")

"Creationists don't believe in science. They think 'The Flintstones' is a documentary"

"Creativity is intelligence having fun"

"Creativity is the residue of time wasted" (Einstein?)

"Credit anticipates and equity confirms"

Creditopia (credit + utopia)

Creepers & Infiltrators (urban explorers)

Creepocrat (Creep-o-crat)

Creepublican (creep + Republican)

"Cremation: my last chance to have a smokin' hot body"

"Crème brûlée is just French flan"

Crème Brûlée on a Stick (toasted marshmallows or Peeps)

Creole City (New Orleans nickname)

Crepesadilla (crepe + quesadilla)

Crescent City (Evansville, Indiana nickname)

Crescent City (New Orleans nickname)

Crescent News Network (CNN nickname)

Crew Gardens (Kew Gardens)

"Cricket is a batsman's game"

"Cricket is a game of glorious uncertainties"

"Cricket is an uncertain game"

"Cricket is basically baseball on Valium"

Crickets or Crickets Chirping (silence)

"Crime does not pay...as well as politics"

Crime Heights (Crown Heights, Brooklyn)

"Crime in multi-story car parks is wrong on so many levels"

"Crime in New York is really serious. The Statue of Liberty had both hands up"

"Crime in New York is really serious. The Statue of Liberty had both hands up"

Crime Square or Crimes Square (crime + Times Square)

Crime Stoppers (577-TIPS); 267-RAPE; 374-DRUG; NYC-SAFE; COP-SHOT & more

"Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it"

Crimerica (crime + America; Primerica nickname)

"Crimes conceived in hell don't have angels as witnesses"

CRIMEX (COMEX nickname)

Criminal Disinformation Center (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC nickname)

Criminal Front Group Media Matters (Media Matters nickname)

"Criminal Law: See bad people at their best; Family Law: See good people at their worst"

Criminal News Network (CNN nickname)

Criminal On Patrol ("cop" backronym)

Criminal Reserve (Federal Reserve nickname)

Criminalgo (criminal + algo)

"Criminalized Onions" ("caramelized" mistake)

Criminally Negligent News (CNN nickname)

"Criminals obey 'gun control' laws in the same manner politicians follow their oaths of office"

"Criminals obey gun laws like politicians follow their oath of office"

"Criminals obey gun laws like politicians follow their oaths of office"

"Criminals obey gun laws like politicians keep promises"

"Criminals obey gun laws like politicians obey their oath of offfice"

"Criminals obey gun laws like politicians obey their oaths of office"

Crisis Commodity (gold)

Criss-Cross Applesauce

"Critics are like eunuchs in a harem"

"Critics are the stupid who discuss the wise"

Croak and Choke (insurance)

Crockettite (inhabitant of Crockett)

Croffle (croissant + waffle)

Crogel (croissant + bagel)

"Croissants are just biscuits that studied abroad"

Cromnibus (continuing resolution + omnibus)

Cronut (croissant + doughnut)

Crony Capitalism

Crookie (croissant + cookie)

Crooklyn

Crooks In Action (Central Intelligence Agency or CIA nickname)

Croque Monsieur (Croque Madame)

"Croquet is a wonderful game if you've got the balls for it"

"Croquettes are just very fancy nuggets"

"Croquettes are just nuggets that went to France"

"Croquettes are the adult chicken nuggets"

"Croquettes are the French word for chicken nuggets"

Cross at the green, not in between

Cross-Roads of the World

Crossing Guard

Crossword Puzzle

Croton cocktail, highball (Croton Aqueduct water)

Croutoff (crouton + off)

"Croutons are just big bread crumbs"

"Crouton. ???????? ???????? Croutoff. ???????? ???????? Crouton. Croutoff. The Salad"

"Croutons are just bread jerky"

"Croutons are just mini garlic bread"

"Croutons are just mini garlic breads"

"Croutons are just stale garlic bread"

"Croutons are the Lucky Charms marshmallows of salad"

"Croutons imply the existence of croutoffs"

"Croutons in salad are the adult version of marshmallows in Lucky Charms"

Crowded Trade

"Crowded with happy patrons, a dangling modifier walks into a bar" (bar joke)

Crowler (can + growler)

Crown Heightser (inhabitant of Crown Heights, Brooklyn)

Crown Jewel of Park Slope (Montauk Club)

Crown Jewel of Socialism (government-run healthcare)

Crown Jewel of the Bronx (New York Botanical Garden)

Crown Jewel of Wall Street (40 Wall Street)

Crozel (croissant + pretzel)

CRS Disease (Can't Remember Shit)

Cruffin (croissant + muffin)

Crumb-bum

Crumblin' (Crumble-In)

Crumbs Along the Mohawk (ice cream flavor)

Crumbtard (crumb + retard)

"Crunchy peanut butter is just peanut butter with pulp"

Crunkcake (crunk/drunk + cupcake)

"Crushed ice is just pulp for water"

"Crusher to rusher to usher" (hockey adage)

Crushtomer (crush + customer)

"Crust is bread armor"

"Cry calf rope" (or "Holler calf rope" or "Yell calf rope")

"Cry me a river. Build a bridge. Get over it"

Cryanair or Cryinair or CryingAir (Ryanair nickname)

Cryboys (Dallas Cowboys nickname)

Crybully (crybaby + bully)

Cryinair or Cryanair or CryingAir (Ryanair nickname)

"Crying all the way to the bank" ("Laughing all the way to the bank")

CryingAir or Cryanair or Cryinair (Ryanair nickname)

Cryptocalypse or Cryptopocalypse (crypto + apocalypse)

Crystal District

CSR (Complete Symphonic Recording)

CTFK (Catch The Falling Knife)

"Ctrl + Alt + Delete my belly fat"

"CTRL + ALT + DEL. Control yourself. Alter your thinking. Delete negativity"

Cuban Hamburger (Frita)

Cuban Sandwich; Medianoche Sandwich

Cube Steak

"Cubicle sweet cubicle"

Cuchifrito

Cuckservative (cuckolded + conservative)

"Cucumber is the watermelon of the vegetable world"

"Cucumbers are just baby watermelons"

"Cucumbers are just crunchy water"

"Cucumbers are just diet watermelons"

"Cucumbers are just savory watermelons"

"Cucumbers are just savoury watermelons"

"Cucumbers are just tasteless watermelons"

"Cucumbers are just unsweetened watermelons"

"Cucumbers are the watermelons of vegetables"

Cuernos (Mexican horn-shaped pastries)

Culinary Alley

Culinology (culinary + technology)

"Cultivated mind is the guardian genius of Democracy" (Mirabeau B. Lamar; UT motto)

Cultural Marxist Media (CMM)

"Culture eats strategy for breakfast"

CultureFest

CUNY (City University of New York)

Cuomo Chips (chips that allow bars to stay open under NY Gov. Cuomo)

Cuomo Nepotism Network (CNN nickname)

Cuomo Nepotism Network (CNN nickname)

Cuomo News Network (CNN nickname)

Cuomo News Network (CNN nickname)

Cup Cake (Cupcake)

"Cup of Fuckoffee: 1 splash of no one cares. A dash of kiss my ass. Add some fuck yous"

"Cup of tea" (a preference)

"Cup of tea" (a preference; frequently said of the tea party)

"Cup one is so I can get stuff done. Cup two is so I will be nice to you. Cup three is all for me"

Cupcakery (cupcake + bakery)

"Cupcakes are just frosted muffins"

"Cupcakes are just muffins that found the right Instagram filter"

"Cupcakes are muffins that believed in miracles"

Cupset (World Cup + upset)

Cuptail (cupcake + cocktail)

Curate's Assistant (muffin/cake stand)

Curb Exchange

"Curb Your Dog" and Pooper Scooper Law (1978)

Curbstone Broker

"Curls for the girls" (weightlifting saying)

Curly Fries (Curly French Fries; Suzy-Q Potatoes)

"Curly fries imply the existence of Moe and Larry fries"

"Curly fries should be called 'rotatoes'"

Currency of Last Resort (gold nickname)

"Currently standing in front of my pantry eating a 'temporary' snack..."

"Currently stuck at an auction bidding for a house with a lengthy corridor. In it for the long hall"

Curry Hill (curry + Murray Hill)

"Curry OK?"/"Sorry, I hate singing in public." (karaoke joke)

"Curry OK?"/"Sorry, I hate singing in public." (karaoke joke)

"Curry OK?"/"Sorry, I hate singing in public." (karaoke joke)

Curse of the Bambino

"Cursing: There is only one bad word, taxes. Any other word that is good enough for sailors..."

"Cursing: There's only one bad word: taxes. If any other word is good enough for sailors..."

Curtain Call

Curtido (Salvadoran Cabbage Salad)

"Customer: I have a question about my account. Teller: Withdrawal?" (joke)

"Customer Service: How does your name appear on your credit card?" (joke)

"Customer service is not a department, it’s an attitude"

"Cut a newsman and he bleeds ink"

"Cut-off low, weatherman's woe"

"Cut the mustard"

"Cut thin to win" (card-cutter's axiom)

"Cut up like boarding house pie" (many small pieces)

"Cut war, not welfare"

"Cut your losses and let your profits run" (Wall Street proverb)

Cutchogue: "Sunniest Place in New York State" (slogan)

CutGo (cut-as-you-go)

Cutlery, Pokelery, Scooplery (knives, forks, spoons)

Cutlery, Stablery, Scooplery (knives, forks, spoons)

"Cuts for the sluts" (weightlifting saying)

"Cyber Monday -- The one time a year that people look forward to Monday mornings"

Cyclones (Brooklyn baseball team)

Cycologist (someone who rides or repairs bicycles)

Cycologist (spinning instructor)

Cycology (study of bicycles)

Cyprus Virus

Cyprused or Cyprussed (to have bank accounts taken)

Czechxas (Czech + Texas)

Czexit (Czech Republic + exit)

D-fence ("defense" sign)

D-Town (Dallas nickname)

Dachshund Sausage

"Dad, a boy at school called me gay!" (joke)

"Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"/"Yes, we arson."

"Dad, can you do my math homework for me?"/"No, son, it wouldn't be right."

"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"/"No sun."

"Dad used to say 'the sky's the limit.' Which is probably why he got fired from NASA"

"Dad, what are clouds made of?"/"Linux servers, mostly."

"Dad, what's a forklift?"/"Food, usually."

"Dad, when I grow up, I want to be a feminist"

Dadvertising (dad + advertising)

Daffodil Capital of Texas (Round Rock nickname)

D'Ag Fresh Market (D'Agostino)

Dagwood Sandwich

Daily BS (Daily Beast nickname)

Daily Crapper (Daily Caller nickname)

Daily Fail (Daily Mail nickname)

Daily Kooks (Daily Kos nickname)

Daily Least (Daily Beast nickname)

New York Daily Snooze (New York Daily News nickname)

"Dairy is scary"

Dakota

Dallas County Jail Chili (Texas Prison Chili)

Dallas Crimes Herald (Dallas Times Herald nickname)

Dallas Morning Snooze (Dallas Morning News nickname)

Dallas Palace

Dallas Phallus/ Ball/ Golf Ball/ Microphone/ Dandelion/ Circle Tower (Reunion Tower nickname)

Dallas Star (cocktail)

Dallas (summary)

Dallasite (inhabitant of Dallas)

Dallasonian (inhabitant of Dallas)

Dallass (Dallas nickname)

Dallitude or Dallatude (Dallas attitude)

"Damn girl, are you a cop? Because you just took my breath away"

"Damn girl, are you a fire alarm? Because you're really loud and annoying"

"Damn girl, are you a newspaper? Because there's a new issue with you every day"

"Damn girl, are you a piñata? Cause imma need a blindfold before I hit that"

"Damn girl, are you a Reddit user?" (joke)

"Damn girl, are you a smoke detector?" (joke)

"Damn girl, are you Coronavirus? Because I want you to stay away from me"

"Damn girl, are you Coronavirus? Because you make me sick" (pickup line)

"Damn girl, are you Coronavirus? Because you spread fast and you're nasty"

"Damn girl, are you Coronavirus? Because you’re all I’m thinking about" (pickup line)

"Damn girl, are you COVID-19? Because I want to flatten your curves" (pickup line)

"Damn girl, are you COVID-19? Because you take my breath away" (pickup line)

"Damn girl, are you COVID-19? Because you’re killing me" (pickup line)

"Damn girl, are you COVID-19?"/"Let me guess. Did I take your breath away?"

"Damn girl, are you my report card? Because my parents would be disgusted if they saw you"

"Damn girl, are you the Coronavirus? Because I’m sick of hearing about you"

"Damn, this year went by so fast I didn't get a chance to lose weight"

Damnocracy (damn + democracy); Damnocrat (damn + Democrat)

Damon Runyon (who never used "Big Apple")

"Damp hands make smooth balls" (food adage)

Dan Dan Mian (Dan Dan Noodles)

"Dance enables you to find yourself and lose yourself at the same time"

"Dance is a series of three-minute romances" ("three-minute love affair")

"Dance like no one is watching. Because they are not. They're checking their phones"

"Dance like no one is watching. Because they are not. They're checking their phones"

"Dance like no one is watching, but text, post and email like it will be read in court one day"

"Dance like nobody's watching. Drink like you don't have to work tomorrow"

"Dance like nobody's watching. Drink on Sundays like you don't have to go to work in the morning"

"Dance like your vagina is on fire"

"Dance with the one who brung you" (Darrell Royal)

"Dancers count 5-6-7-8 because musicians took 1-2-3-4"

"Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play"

"Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire"

"Dang, my 250 million year old salt has expired"

"DANGER: Avoid serious injury. Don't tell me how to do my job"

Danger Dog (Tijuana Hot Dog; Tijuana Dog; Mexican Hot Dog; Bacon Dog)

"DANGER: Not To Be Operated By Fucktards" (safety sign)

"DANGER: Not To Be Operated By Fuckwits" (safety sign)

"DANGER: Not To Be Operated By Idiots" (safety sign)

"DANGER: Not To Be Operated By Morons" (safety sign)

"Danger: You are being conditioned to view your freedom as selfish"

Dango (Japanese sweet dumpling on a stick)

Danish Pastry

Dapanji or Da Pan Ji (Big Plate Chicken)

"Dark chocolate is at least 60% coco beans therefore it's a vegetable"

Dark Horse

Dark Horse Car

Dark Inventory

Dark Kitchen

"'Dark matter' which holds reality together finally identified as coffee"

Dark Money (political contributions from unrevealed sources)

Dark 'N' Stormy (cocktail)

Dark 'N' Stormy (ice cream float)

Dark Store

Dark Thirty (Zero Dark Thirty; Oh Dark Thirty; 0 Dark 30; 0 Dark 100)

Dark Zone (area without electrical power)

Darth Vader Building (Family Court)

Dash to Trash

Dawn Raid

Day 1 -- Sunday

Day 2 -- Monday

"Day 27: The garbage man stuck a pamphlet for AA on my recycling bin"

Day 3 -- Tuesday

"Day 35 of quarantine; Can you blink a little more quietly please?"

Day 4 -- Wednesday

"Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat"

"Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little shits called in a bomb threat"

Day 5 -- Thursday

Day 6 -- Friday

"Day 6 of quarantine. Preparing to take out the garbage. So excited can't decide what to wear"

"Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like, 'See? This is why I chew the furniture'"

Day 7 -- Saturday

"Day school tuition is the best form of birth control" (joke)

"Daylight didn't ask to be saved. Daylight didn't want to be saved"

"Days are now divided by coffee hours and alcohol hours"

"Days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today & nextday"

DBAG or D-Bag (Deutsche Bank AG nickname)

De-Portland (Portland nickname)

Dead Cat Bounce

Dead End Kids

Dead Hook (Red Hook)

Dead Line

Dead Man's Curve

Dead Man's Hand

Dead Meat (to be a loser or in serious trouble)

Dead Parrot Economy

Dead President (paper money)

Dead Tree Edition

Dead Tree Media

"Dead voters vote Democrat"

Deadbeat (Dead Beat)

Deadbeat (someone who pays a credit balance in full and on time)

Deadhead

"Deadlines spur action" (business adage)

Deadpan (Dead-pan)

Deadstream Media (Dead Stream Media)

"Deal with the devil if the devil has a constituency -- and don't complain about the heat"

"Dear account balance: Wingardium Leviosa"

"Dear animals, I'm sorry it took me so long"

"Dear Apple, No one uses the word 'ducking,' absolutely no one"

"Dear Autocorrect, No one uses the word 'ducking,' absolutely no one"

"Dear Bartender, don’t be offended if we ask ’Is there any liquor in this drink?’"

"Dear cancel culture, Aim higher, go for the IRS"

"Dear cancel culture, Dream bigger, aim higher. ATF, IRS, Federal Reserve"

"Dear Coca-Cola Company: No more new flavors. Either add the cocaine back, or leave it alone"

Dear Colleague Letter

"Dear Dairy: Today I failed another spelling test"

"Dear Diamond, We all know who is really a girl's best friend. Yours sincerely, Chocolate Cake"

"Dear everyone, upset, bored, angry or hungry -- I'm here for you. Sincerely, fridge"

"Dear Facebook! Please stop suggesting people I may know. I do know them. I don't like them"

"Dear food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat"

"Dear Fox News, So far, no news about foxes. Sincerely, Unimpressed"

"Dear God, thank you for these noodles. Ramen"

"Dear homework, you're not attractive and I'm not doing you"

"Dear IRS tax refund, What's the address? I'll come get it myself"

"Dear King Philip Came Over For Good Soup" (taxonomy mnemonic)

"Dear King Philip Came Over For Good Spaghetti" (taxonomy mnemonic)

Dear Leader

"Dear liver, it's Friday. Sorry, little buddy"

"Dear Lord, thank you for these noodles. Ramen"

"Dear Math, Please grow up and solve your own problems. Sincerely, Students"

"Dear Monday, Go step on a Lego"

"Dear Monday, I want to break up. I'm seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday"

"Dear Mother Nature: Having received my free sample of winter I would like to cancel..."

"Dear New Year’s Resolution, Well, it was fun while it lasted. Sincerely, January 2nd"

"Dear New Year’s Resolutions, Well, it was fun while it lasted. Sincerely, January 2nd"

"Dear non essentials that recently started going back to work....hit the gas, we drive fast now"

"Dear Plexiglass; Thank you for protecting me from the masked cashier that just touched everything"

"Dear Pringles, I can no longer fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness"

"Dear radio stations, you do realize there are more than five songs in the world, right?"

"Dear radio stations, you do realize there are more than five songs in the world? Sincerely, iPod"

"Dear Rioters. IRS Building. Please and thank you"

"Dear Santa: All I want is my gross pay"

"Dear Santa, I was naughty and it was worth it. You fat judgemental bastard"

"Dear Santa, I was naughty and it was worth it. You fat judgmental bastard"

"Dear Science, when I suck in my tummy, where does the fat go and why doesn't it stay there?"

"Dear social media: Please stop suggesting people I may know. I do know them. I don't like them"

"Dear Summer, stop showing off. We get it. You're hot"